Helena Sobolevskaya: Hiraeth a Cynefin

© Helena Sobolevskaya, 2022

ISBN 978-5-0056-7989-5

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

You are calling me. Incessantly, beating wildly in my ears, haunting me, following me, no matter where I go.

Your words echo in my heart, weaving glistening spirals, drawing endless paths through deep forests. Your tales come alive in my every dream, your voice sings in my head, charming and bewitching me, no matter where I go.

The land of my fathers, the land I once knew, is hidden in the mists of time. It lies beyond the haze of yesterdays, the ages that have come and gone. The place I once loved is no longer mine, yet I remember it still – the castle on the hill, the swift river of silver and white, running its course below the castle walls.

I remember everything, yet it is no longer mine. The man, taller than many, dressed in greens and gold, his hair auburn as the young fall, his eyes – the multitude of forest greens. His voice, soft and quiet, yet at times- harsh and thunderous. His hands, caressing the silver harp, his fingers long and strong.

The life unknown, the life gone, the life unreachable- that once was mine. I remember it all, as well as I remember the names. The name of the land my heart still aches for, and the name of the man, who is now a legend.

That is all I have left now. The names and feelings. Places and faces. Cynefin and hiraeth. Cymru. Taliesin. Aneurin.

The story now lost.

Forever.

Till the hiraeth runs dry.

…and she chose a young boy by the name of Gwion Bach to tend the cauldron, and an old blind man called Mordda, to keep the flame…

That’s how the legend goes; but be aware of legends, for they can cloud the judgement and their ways are of the morning mist that creeps from nowhere only to cover the truth with seemingness.

I will tell you this story as you’ve never heard it before, for I was there, and none other but me can tell it – after all, they call me the greatest storyteller for a reason. And now- to the story itself, for we have no time to linger.

There was, once, a mighty sorceress by the name of Cerridwen, who was also called Ogyrwen, or all-knowing, who lived close to the lake of Bala. So wise was she that gods themselves asked for her advice, and Gwydion was no exception. His deeds were many, and most of them though done with best intentions, backfired on him in such a manner that he had to resolve much at the same time.

When he was young and far more careless, he met a maid, golden-haired and fair, and wooed her. And by the Calan Mai she gave birth to a boy, so fair in looks that sunlight couldn’t rival him. And, as she bore him by the brook, she called him Gwion Bach, meaning “little stream’. For a time, Gwydion was happy and content, but his nature made him leave the child and his mother – and he never saw them again for years to come.

Six years passed, and a strange dream began haunting Gwydion. Immediately he understood that his son was in danger- for a small brook in the valley became blood, boiling so vehemently that it turned to poison. He loved the boy, and so he rode to the village he left him at all those years ago.

Upon arriving, he found him to be an orphan, for his young mother fell ill and died in winter time, and there was no one to look after the boy. Bright and clever the lad was, and Gwydion marveled at his will and talents, but remembering the dream, he decided to visit Cerridwen to seek her advice. So he left the child for a day, and rode off to Caer Tegid, whence she lived with her husband Tegid Foel and two children.

The storm drove him to her door well past midnight, and the house was already silent when he knocked. Cerridwen’s acumen however prepared her for a visit. For three nights she couldn’t sleep, for in her dreams a great Cauldron boiled and broke with a cry, and blood poured out of it, poisoning the glen.

Gwydion fell on his knees and implored Cerridwen to help him.

“Save my son! “He cried. “Save him for I can see the danger coming, and I cannot see its face. I have tried everything but still it grows and all I know is that I have to hide him.”

“You have nowhere to turn’ Cerridwen told him “Wherever you go, trouble follows’.

But she agreed to shelter the boy, and Gwydion though still troubled, rode back to get him. Having arrived he saw that the storm wiped the village clean, killing many and leaving many homeless. Of all children of the village only Gwion was left alive. To his horror, Gwydion realized the storm was of magic, and judging by the outcome, it had been raging for weeks.

Cerridwen loved little Gwion from the first glance, and her children took him in unquestioningly and with open hearts. Gwydion and Cerridwen agreed that Gwion would stay for a year and a day – and Gwydion would watch over him in the guise of an old man, so if danger comes, he’d be there to ward it.

Meanwhile Cerridwen was to prepare a potion so mighty that if overdone it would turn to poison- for Gwion’s fate depended on it. It fell upon Cerridwen to make the boy a prophet and a bard unrivalled and a magician unequalled, and for hours she toiled and brewed, and on Nos Calan Gaeaf the brew was done.

Tired, she fell asleep, leaving Gwydion still disguised as an old man, and Gwion to tend the cauldron. And as she slept, the potion began to boil, and turned gold, and red, and white – and Gwion stirred and stirred, as he was taught, and nothing came of it. And three drops jumped out, and landed on his chest, and he cried.

Great lighting came out of the sky, as it darkened, and Gwydion became himself again, rising from the ground. Loud was his voice as he cried,

“It is done!”

And the boy looked at him, trembling.

“Run!” Gwydion ordered, but the boy didn’t move. He was too frightened, you see, and the potion still stung.

“Run! “Gwydion repeated, but this time his voice was angry. Still the boy stood rooted to the spot.

“Run, boy! Or she will kill you!”

Gwion looked at him in fear and ran as fast as he could. The cauldron boiled and broke, and the potion became blood. And Cerridwen awoke.

“What have you done, Gwydion son of Don? What didn’t you tell me?”

“You have to chase him. You have to chase him until the sun dies. He has to be reborn. Don’t ask me, Cerridwen… that is all I know’.