Ann LeZotte - T4

For leaving the shelter,
But I could tell
Father Michael
Was relieved
To see me.

Father Josef
Was there too.
He gave me a big hug.

I was so excited.
They didn’t understand
When I said they must go back
To save the Lindenbaums.

Poor Kurt
Related the story
As best he could.

Sat on a bench at the other side of the shelter.
I could see their lips moving.

They came back over to me and Poor Kurt.
Father Michael was wringing his hands.

Father Josef put his hand on my shoulder.
Poor Kurt listened to them with a frown.

When they moved away, he told me
With the signs I taught him that they would

Not be going back. I was shocked!
They thought we would all be in danger

Hiding Jews in our midst. I said, “But they are
Keeping me secret. What will happen to Nelly

And the baby, Paul?” Poor Kurt held on to me
And we both sobbed. Would anybody take

Pity on them? Not even God?

Germany
Was caught up
In the Russian Campaign.

Hitler
Wanted to avoid
Public unrest at home.

He gave the order
To end T4.

I learned much later that individual physicians
Were making the choices themselves as to whether
Or not their patients were
“Fit for life.”

As German cities were being bombed,
Inmates in institutions were being moved.
Many of them wound up dead.
Disabled adults were killed in gas chambers.

For decades after, they tried to hide the numbers.
It is estimated that 275,000 Disable people
Were “euthanized” by the Nazis.
Another 400,000 were sterilized
So they couldn’t
Bear children like themselves.

Occupied Germany
And World War II
Was finally over,

A handful of doctors
Who had worked
For Action T4
Were brought to justice.

Not Dr. Bouhler;
He committed suicide.
But Dr. Brandt was tried
And executed in a place
Called Nuremberg.

Some of the others continued
To practice medicine.

T4 became something people
Weren’t willing to talk about
And remember.

To my little house
On a street
With tall poplar trees

And bluish hills
In the distance.

Though
The war
Still
Raged on.

I didn’t want to leave him behind.
He had become my closest friend.

The road we had traveled together
Couldn’t be understood by another.

There are times in life when everything
Seems to stretch ahead of us and time

Slows down, almost like a dream. We
Had been caught under the same spell.

I asked Kurt if he’d like to go back
To my town with me and Father Josef.

He was surprised, and sat in the corner
Of the shelter to think it over for a while.

Father Josef said to me, “Perhaps your
Parents won’t want to feed and board him.”

I said, “He can live and work on a farm.”
Poor Kurt decided to come along.

Mother and Father took turns
Holding on to me and
Standing back to look at me
To see how much I’d grown.

My grandparents pinched
My cheeks and shed tears.

Clara pulled me into
The house to see her new doll
And books. Schatze was
Probably the happiest to see me.
She licked my hands and face
And jumped on my back
When I bent down.

It was funny
To see my house
And family
Since I had
Gone out in the world.

I used to think it was all there was.

Into Paul’s baby blanket
Before I left the cabin.

I always felt glad
About that later on.

The fairy tale book
I left with Nelly.

I wondered if she
Could still believe in
Happily ever after?

My family looked at this strange person.
He would have to take a bath if he was
To come into the house and eat at the table.
I got in the large tub first and turned on
The faucet. Warm water tickled my body.

Usually more than one person shared the
Same water, but it was so dirty when I was
Finished, I unstopped the drain. And Mother
Filled it again. I was sitting at the kitchen
Table, eating a piece of apple strudel as

Poor Kurt washed then shaved. When
He came out of the bathroom I could
Hardly believe it! He was a young man,
Maybe eighteen years old,
With fine black hair and dreamy eyes.

“The name my
People gave me is
Walthar Bihani.

I lived in Hadamar.
I saw the Disabled
Children arrive in buses.

Afterward the sky
Smelled of that
Terrible smoke.

I was afraid
They would come
For me too.

I wasn’t Disabled.
I was part Gypsy,
Or Romani.

I was surprised
I could grow
A full beard.

I smeared it
With gray
Ashes.

I thought no one
Would ask questions
If I were an old beggar

I traveled alone
For weeks
Out of loneliness

And hunger.
When I arrived
At the shelter

They called me
Poor Kurt.

The Church
Had not expressed
Sympathy for
Persecuted Gypsies.

So I didn’t reveal
My true identity
To Father Michael.

I lived in fear of
Being discovered.
Then I met Paula.”

We looked at
Each other
And smiled.

To give Walthar a chance. She hired
Him to tend to her land and animals.
It turned out he had real skill in training
Horses. Once I saw him ride a mare
Standing on her back with his eyes
Closed and arms crossed. It must
Have been a kind of Gypsy magic.
He lived in the attic of Marthe’s house.
If someone asked about him,
She threatened to punish them with
A hex. I enjoyed going to visit him.