Brian Lane - Mind Games with a Serial Killer

Several impressions made their way into my mind at once. The pain in my head was gone; love was paramount here; all who came were welcome; I knew others here; I was known by others here. I had been here before; not once, but many times and I knew each of those occurrences.

Thoughts were coming to me again, this time from a brightness right in front of me. I was welcomed here, but it was again too soon for my ‘journey.’ I was still needed elsewhere. I had to return to my body to accomplish the task set for me. And then I was suddenly not there any longer.

I suddenly became aware that I was lying on something soft, on my back. Pain entered my awareness—my left wrist; my left leg below the knee; my right leg, inside thigh; my back; and more than anything else, my head. I sense someone near me and try to turn my head in that direction. I can’t, because of a neck brace and pillow braces on each side of my head. I open my eyes and see Bonnie standing there. I recognize her, but nothing else.

I have a hard time talking because my mouth is so dry. Finally, Bonnie is able to understand me. I want to know where I am, what happened to me and can I please have something to drink?

Bonnie replies that I can’t have anything to drink because “ they ” don’t know if I have any internal injuries. She also says that I’ve asked those exact same questions over and over again since she got there. I don’t remember saying anything before now. She lets me know that I’ve been in an accident and where I am. I ask her for the time, she tells me. I close my eyes and groan. She gets concerned. I ask her to call my work and let them know what has happened. She says that she’s already done that.

Bonnie asks me what do I mean when I asked: “What is needed of me? What do I have to do?” I recall looking at her for a few seconds and then say, “I don’t know.” I’m not about to tell anyone about the light, the presences or anything else. I have a great fear that someone will think I’m crazy and put me away, lock me up in an asylum. I don’t know if I could take it if people thought I was insane. I also have an overwhelming fear of not being in full control of all my capabilities. I’m certain that if I’m put in an asylum, I’ll be given some kind of drugs that will make me unable to do for myself. (That’s the one, main reason why I don’t take drugs, drink heavily or smoke grass. I won’t take any foreign substances into my body, unless they are prescribed by a doctor. And I have some reservations there, too.)

I know what questions are going to be asked by anyone who reads this. They are the same questions that everyone asks of those who relate near-death experiences: “What’s on the other side of the light? What happens when we die? Is there a God? Is there an afterlife?” All of these questions are important and the answers are complex. I don’t know if I can answer them to anyone’s complete satisfaction.

For instance: “ ls there an afterlife ?” Life after what? Life— Death—some form of limbo? An afterlife for what? The body— the soul—the conscious being of each of us? What part of me started on that journey? My soul—my consciousness—or my unconcious being? I certainly don’t know!

Two questions can be combined, and answered the same way: “What’s on the other side of the light?” and “What happens when we die?” The other side IS the light. Light is everywhere. Everything is the light. When we die, we go into this light. We become the light. The light becomes us. Once we have entered the light, though, that is not our final destination. That final destination is each person’s own interpretation—Hell— Heaven—Valhalla. The end result is what each person perceives it to be… at the end of their journey! And their own perception may change many times throughout their journey. Each journey is over when it is perceived to be over, and not until.

I didn’t so much as see what happens to us as receive an impression of what happens as soon as I passed into the light. Memories flooded into me. I recalled many wonderful things. When I was returned to my body, some of those memories remained. Only traces of other memories remained. Unfortunately, I lost much more than I was able to remember. But what I do remember is very uplifting.

We go on. We live again. Over and over. Call it reincarnation if you want; although that word doesn’t explain it all. Time doesn’t exist there. I experienced no passage of time. I could have been there for years—I could have been there for a fraction of a second. I was there and then I wasn’t. The memory of thoughts were in my mind and I knew that they were from the presence of light that was in front of me—barring me from going any farther.

Is there a GOD? This question has baffled mankind for many centuries. Those religious powers that be claim we have to take HIS existence on faith. I don’t. Yes , there is a GOD! GOD is benevolent, powerful, caring, onmi-everything… Must I go on? Yes, GOD is there—and GOD is here. GOD 1S ! Is GOD masculine or feminine? Yes and no. GOD is both and neither. It cannot be explained any further than that. There is no equivalent word for what I know.

When we “live” again, do we come back as ourselves, a doorknob, an animal… ? Do we come back to this place or travel on to another level? The questions go on and on. I am unable to answer them. I do know that we don’t necessarily come back to the next proceeding “timeline”. If I die today, I may not come back tomorrow; I may come back yesterday.

I do know one other thing that sticks out in my mind: The very nature by which GOD exists—solar systems, galaxies, suns, planets, our lives as we know them, should not exist! But they do— we do! That is why death itself does not frighten me. I shouldn’t exist , but I do . And I will again, when I die. We all will, because GOD wills it to be.

27 November 1995 Hello Brian,

Well, there’s so much to tell you, I really don’t know where to start. Guess I should start with what else was in the envelope. There are 3 Visiting Questionnaires. One is for Bonnie, IF she wants it! Tell her that if she decides that she’d like to see me, I’m only an hour away from the exit we took into Pleasanton when we visited her brother, Dennis, in December ’85. If I remember correctly, visits are between 9:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. on weekends. (Legal visits are allowed seven days a week at the same times.) I’ll verify that next time I go out to the exercise yard and let you know next time I call.

I just got a “Legal” letter from the legal officer—a letter from Patty that she wrote while awaiting a plane to LA. Says she gets most of her work done in airports on her laptop. (See… Everyone has a laptop. Why not me?) She told me a lot of the same things you told about having an attorney appointed to me to handle my appeal. However, I’ve been doing some legal researching of my own and have already come across some pleasant surprises. I don’t want to enumerate those surprises here, so they’ll have to wait until I see you in person. She did say that she was happily surprised to hear that I was in the Air Force (I mentioned it in my letter to her from the AC). She says that her dad was one of the Tuskeegee Airmen! (Believe it or not, I didn’t even know she was black! Jim Bland told me that when I went out to the exercise yard. But all of the times I spoke to her on the phone from jail, I never once suspected she was black. I didn’t take it for granted that she was white ! I was thinking Oriental or Latin American.) But it was very interesting to find out about her dad, though. I wish I could meet him to get some first hand info on the Tuskeegee Airmen. I remember first hearing about them while I was at Lackland Air Base after my Basic Training. Anyway, she hopes to get over here to see me the first week of December. Maybe you’ll run into each other?!