Diane Ehrensaft: The Gender Creative Child

And next come the people at The Experiment, who have made this book a reality. A very special thanks to Matthew Lore, cofounder and president of The Experiment, for meeting with me for coffee one day in 2008 at Oliveto’s Café in Oakland, California, and putting his faith in me to morph into print my ideas and my passion about gender creative children. And without the incredible support of Allie Bochicchio, editor; Jeanne Tao, managing editor; Iris Bass, external editor; Jennifer Hergenroeder, publicity and marketing manager; and Elizabeth Johnson, events manager, those ideas would have remained just that.

I now come to my village of gender specialist colleagues, my midwives in giving birth to The Gender Creative Child . Without a doubt, Stephen Rosenthal has been my closest colleague, friend, and muse in founding the Child and Adolescent Gender Center, making our pediatric gender clinic at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital a reality, and just being there. Right alongside him are my other team members at CAGC and the clinic—Asaf Orr, Joel Baum, Meredith Russell, Molly Koren, Stanley Vance, Ilana Sherer. And then there is each and every member of Mind the Gap, the ever-growing mental health subgroup of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center. Without you and our monthly Sunday meetings at my house, I would never know what I know today. To Lisa Kenney and Pam Wool at Gender Spectrum, deep gratitude for all that you do and all the support you have given me. And special thanks to some particular colleagues who have come along with me on this gender journey for many years, if not decades—Herb Schreier, Stephanie Brill, Caitlin Ryan, Karisa Barrow, Susanna Moore, Susan Bernstein, Dan Karasic, Jamison Green, Lin Fraser, Susanne Watson, Shawn Giammattei, Lisette Lahana, Joy Johnson, Michelle Jurkewicz. And reaching across the continent: to my close friends and colleagues in the South, that would be Santa Cruz, California—Jennifer Hastings, Shane Hill, and Ben Geilhufe; Los Angeles—Joanna Olson and Aydin Kennedy; Texas—Colt Meier; New Mexico—Nate Sharon. In the Midwest—Marco Hidalgo, Diane Chen, Scott Leibowitz, Rob Garafolo. In the East—Amy Tishelman, Norm Spack, Randi Kaufman, Francie Mandel, Edgardo Menvielle, Catherine Tuerk, Jean Malpas, Aron Janssen, Cathy Renna. North of the border—Jake Pyne. And across the globe—Sam Winter, Thomas Steensma, Annelou de Vries, and Simon Pickstone-Taylor.

A few people, close friends and colleagues, have simply been grounding poles for my whole professional life, not just for my gender explorations, and to them I want to express my deepest gratitude for helping me be the best psychologist, writer, and feminist I could be. That would be Gloria Lawrence, with special thanks for every one of our Thursday lunches for almost twenty-five years now; Toni Heineman for reading, writing, thinking, working, and playing with me and for her endless dedication to children in foster care; my decades-running child consultation group—Eileen Keller, Bonnie Rottier, and Stephen Walrod—without which I could never be the therapist I am today; Marcy Whitebook, for her dedication to the lives of young children and keeping me on track with mine; Nancy Chodorow, for thinking, walking, sharing her mind with me; Barbara Waterman, who has showed undying enthusiasm for my work and has always generously lent me her critical and insightful eye as both a thinker and commenter on my writing.

A person does not live by work alone, and this book could have died on the vine if I had not had the warmth and love of close friends around me. From far away—Elli and Robby Meeropol, Mindy Werner-Crohn and Joel Crohn, Stephanie Riger and Dan Lewis, and Cathey Billian. Closer to home—Alan Heineman, Matt Ross. To my communal eating group, I would like to extend the heartiest of thanks, not just for the food we eat but for the years of friendship, intellectual sharing, talking politics, raising families together, and offering the love that feed both my mind and my soul—Joanna Levine and Marc Stickgold, Joan Skolnick and Randy Reiter, Nancy Hollander and Stephen Portuges, Anne Bernstein and Ringo Hallinan, Noree Lee and Ron Elson, Yana and Len Goldfine. Everyone should be as lucky as I am to have a chosen family like you.

And last, I want to acknowledge my family, both close in and miles away: my mother and father, Edith and Morris Ehrensaft, for being my role models for living a very long and full life and giving me all the educational opportunities they did not have so I could be here writing these acknowledgements right now; to my brothers, Phil and Rick Ehrensaft, for lovingly showing me about gender across the aisle—that would be the world of boys and their toys; to my children, Rebecca Hawley and Jesse Ehrensaft-Hawley—words can’t even begin to describe the depth of my gratitude to them for all they have taught me and all they give me; the same goes for my granddaughter, Satya Hawley, who could sing her way into anybody’s heart. And always, and forever, I will thank my husband, Jim Hawley, for being the wonderful husband, father, and grandfather he is, for putting up with a sometimes write-aholic partner, for giving me the bandwidth to talk endlessly about gender, and for helping me come up for air, with a glass of wine and a smile on his face.

Numbers in parentheses beginning with “n” refer to notes.

acceptance

about

as form of protection

hyperactive

Adams, Janice

adolescence, ref. 2

adoption

advocate, parents as

Afghanistan

agender youth

“Ain’t I a Woman?” (Truth)

Alcorn, Leelah, ref. 2

ally/advocate/ambassador, parents as

American Psychological Association

Amsterdam Center of Expertise on Gender Dysphoria, VU University Medical Center, ref. 2, ref. 3

angels, gender, ref. 2, ref. 3

apples

about

body dysphoria

early onset

example

ex post facto test

gender expressions

gender maze and

“I am a …” statements

knowing, early sense of

parents and, ref. 2

“watchful waiting” model and

See also persisters

Asperger’s syndrome, ref. 2

See also autism spectrum disorder (ASD)

assessment packet, gender affirmative (n63)

authenticity versus safety

autism spectrum disorder (ASD)

about

case study

explanations for

gender affirmation as cure, ref. 2, ref. 3

misdiagnosis of

research on

as sensory issue

social cues, inability to read

thinking outside of boxes and

Bailey, J. Michael

bathrooms, gender-neutral, ref. 2

bedtimes

Beemyn, Genny, ref. 2

biology of gender, ref. 2, ref. 3

Birch, Herbert G.

birthdays, lining up by

blacks

blind spots, gender

body, feelings about

body dysphoria, ref. 2

bone mineral density

Bono, Chaz

books, banning

Boone, Katherine

borrowed labels

borrowed scripts

boxes, thinking outside of

brain as gender-expansive

brain development, ref. 2

Brugnaro, Luigi

CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health), ref. 2, ref. 3, ref. 4, ref. 5

CAH (congenital adrenal hyperplasia), ref. 2

case studies

autism spectrum disorder

gender spread

Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), ref. 2, ref. 3, ref. 4, ref. 5

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Cher

Chess, Stella

child psychiatrists, referral to

child rearing, basic ground rule for

cognitive dissonance

cognitive-emotional development

Cohen-Kettenis, Peggy, ref. 2, ref. 3, ref. 4

community psychology

comorbid psychiatric conditions

congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), ref. 2

conversion therapy, ref. 2, ref. 3