Dennis Lehane - Coronado

DOCTOR No, I’m not.

PATIENT Yes, you are.

DOCTOR No, I’m—

PATIENT This isn’t your office. This isn’t therapy. This is you trying to tap my ass in a fucking bar.

DOCTOR No, no. I removed that from the table. You remember? I did. I said I was too drunk. I did.

PATIENT Then why are you here?

DOCTOR Because you called me.

PATIENT So?

DOCTOR So?

PATIENT So?

DOCTOR Grace, I—

PATIENT My name’s not Grace.

DOCTOR Your name’s not…?

PATIENT My name’s not Grace. Close, but no Ci-Grace.

BOBBY and BOBBY’S FATHER settle into a booth.

BOBBY’S FATHER Well, that was utterly fucking fruitless.

BOBBY I got some glue.

BOBBY’S FATHER Gives me such a warm feeling inside. Where is it?

BOBBY Right here.

[ BOBBY produces a tube of Krazy Glue. He applies some to the ashtray, then affixes a coin to it. ]

BOBBY’S FATHER No, I meant—

BOBBY Shit’s amazing. You could glue a monkey’s ass to a guy’s head and it would never come off. The guy’s stuck with it, the monkey shitting all over his head, and he’d have to feed it, I guess, but that monkey’s just banging away on the guy’s face and the guy can’t do a fucking thing short of scalping himself or that monkey’s there for life.

BOBBY’S FATHER Fuck the glue. Where is it?

BOBBY Beats me.

BOBBY’S FATHER The memory, right.

BOBBY It’s a tricky thing.

BOBBY’S FATHER Sure, sure. Common problem — people misplacing a three-million-dollar diamond.

BOBBY You misplaced a wife.

BOBBY’S FATHER She misplaced me. Then she died.

BOBBY The two events entirely unrelated I’m sure.

[ BOBBY’S FATHER reaches out and grips BOBBY’S ear. ]

BOBBY’S FATHER We’re not going to have this conversation again. Hear? Now where’s the fucking diamond?

[ Beat. ]

You think blood’ll save you?

BOBBY Who’s it ever saved?

BOBBY’S FATHER Oh, well, now… a lot of shitty princes, a few useless princesses would have been ass-fucked and toothless ’fore they were twelve else-wise.

BOBBY Outside of royalty. Who’s it ever saved, Daddy? You?

BOBBY’S FATHER Your ear’s getting all sweaty.

BOBBY Give it back.

BOBBY’S FATHER But it’s mine.

BOBBY We’ll call it a loan.

[ BOBBY’S FATHER smiles, lets go of his ear. ]

DOCTOR and PATIENT.

DOCTOR You lied to me.

PATIENT You fucked me.

DOCTOR We fucked. Let’s be plain. Okay? Let’s be plain. We fucked. Once. A mistake I’ve admitted to repeatedly. I then referred you to another psychiatrist who specializes in the very same.

PATIENT The very same.

DOCTOR Patients who have developed sexual and/or emotional attachments to their therapists.

PATIENT And/or?

DOCTOR Look — Grace or no Grace — we fucked.

PATIENT Let’s be plain — you fucked me.

DOCTOR We fucked.

PATIENT You fucked me.

DOCTOR We fucked.

PATIENT I know you are, but what am I?

DOCTOR I—

PATIENT What?

DOCTOR I—

PATIENT What?

DOCTOR You shouldn’t have told me you abetted in a murder, Grace.

PATIENT That’s your out? You slid your dick up and down and up and down and up—

DOCTOR I know, I know.

PATIENT — and down my clitoris. You remember that? And that was before you entered me. That was before.

DOCTOR I know. But.

PATIENT “But.” Christ, you worked it like a wand and I came—

DOCTOR Stop.

PATIENT — twice — twice — before you even entered me. So, I dunno, what was that on your part? Confusion?

DOCTOR You told me, you told me…

PATIENT What’d I tell you?

DOCTOR You told me — after — as we were lying together, and only then, that you’d helped someone commit murder. Nine months of therapy? Not a fucking word.

PATIENT Sure, but I’d never had your cock in my mouth before.

DOCTOR What — what — what does that have to do with anything?

PATIENT You ever had a cock in your mouth, Stephen?

DOCTOR No.

PATIENT Well, then…

DOCTOR You abetted murder. That’s a capital crime.

PATIENT I’ve done worse.

DOCTOR You’ve…?

PATIENT I’ll bet there’re people everywhere — right now, right here in this bar tonight — who’ve done a whole lot fucking worse.

WILL, in a booth, chats up the WAITRESS.

WILL I have no idea. Really.

WAITRESS Well, he gave me the ring.

WILL Sure.

WAITRESS But he said hang it around my neck.

WILL Exactly.

WAITRESS From a chain.

WILL And that’s not the same.

WAITRESS You don’t think?

WILL You don’t.

WAITRESS No, I don’t. You’re right.

WILL I mean, I dunno. It could mean something real significant for him. But guys, you know?

WAITRESS Exactly. Guys. But you’re a guy.

WILL Well, okay, I guess. I’m a—

WAITRESS Right. You’re a man.

WILL I try.

WAITRESS I was so sorry to hear about…

WILL I know, right? Jesus. Who would have thought? I mean, you think of all the ways you could go…

WAITRESS A train?

WILL A train. You believe that shit?

WAITRESS I’ve passed out in some weird places, though, so there but for the grace of god, I guess.

WILL That’s the thing of it, though. What’s he doing down by the fairgrounds that time of night?

WAITRESS It bugs you, huh?

WILL And then to just stroll over to the train tracks and take a nap? Johnny Law accepts it, but it fucking pisses me off.

WAITRESS You think…? No.

WILL And he’s… I want all the T ’s crossed and all the I ’s dotted. You think that’s too much to ask?

WAITRESS No, no. And now she’s…

WILL What?

WAITRESS Well, you know, the timing. They’d been planning it for so long and then it finally happens and he…

WILL Dies.

WAITRESS Oh god. What is she going to do?

WILL I’ll look after her. A man who wouldn’t in these circumstances?

WAITRESS I know. I know.

[ Notices GINA returning from the bathroom. ] You want another round, Will?

WILL Sure.

WAITRESS Should she be…?

WILL I dunno. But she is. Okay?

WAITRESS Of course.

[ The WAITRESS waves her fingers at GINA and heads to the bar. GINA approaches the booth and she’s obviously pregnant. She sits. ]

GINA Flirting?

WILL No.

GINA I heard she’s a hermaphrodite.

WILL Hey, can you be gay and a hermaphrodite at the same time? Is that physically and emotionally and, well, gender-ly possible?

GINA It’s a question.

WILL Hell of a question, I think.

GINA Were you flirting with her?

WILL Absolutely.

GINA Really.

WILL Can’t flirt with you, can I? Bar’s got eyes, babe.

[ The WAITRESS returns with their drinks, places them down. ]

WAITRESS You feeling okay, honey?

GINA Phenomenal.

[ The WAITRESS shoots WILL a look and then departs. ]

WILL It’s all okay.

GINA No.

WILL It is.

GINA I don’t think so.

WILL What’s different?

GINA There’s one less person in this booth for starters.

WILL Yeah, I miss those jokes. You?

GINA Don’t do funny on this, okay? He’s dead, Will.

WILL Yes, he is.

GINA And it doesn’t seem to trouble you.

WILL No, Gina, it doesn’t.

GINA How is that possible?

WILL Eight hours sleep, proper diet?

GINA You’re clever. Clever and pretty-mouthed. Clever ain’t enough.

WILL You looked around? This is one dumb-ass county, honey. You want me to feel bad because Hal is dead. You want me to feel fear that we’ll be caught. You want remorse. Doubt. I don’t got any of that. Oops.