Pieter Hintjens - The Psychopath Code - Cracking the Predators That Stalk Us

So we can learn a lot of positive lessons, from the worst things people do to each other. Bear this in mind as you read this chapter, else it may be quite unhappy reading.

Let’s recap. Mallory has persuaded Alice to invest a relationship where she’s losing control. She’s stopped building up her own future and is handing over resources to Mallory. In a normal healthy relationship the two parties complement and strengthen each other. The psychopathic relationship is one-sided. Mallory takes everything he can, and gives as little back as necessary.

Keep in mind, it is about economics: money or time or sex. Sometimes access to property or assets. Sometimes power of different kinds, when it benefits Mallory in some tangible way.

In pop culture, the psychopath is the caricature of an unpredictable and deadly killer. It is how the mouse describes the cat. "The monster was upon us! All teeth and claws… it got my family, luckily I escaped! Crazy!!" The cat does not share mouse emotions and psychopaths do not feel social emotions. No hate, fear of rejection, jealousy or self-pity. And no revenge, nor even enjoyment in the pain of others.

Psychopaths are scary because they can inflict extraordinary damage onto others without restraint. Their emotional states are those of a predator. That’s it. How do you talk to animal hunger? Yet I suspect the worst monsters in history are social humans. People who are aware of the pain they cause, driven by beliefs that can seem insane. At least Mallory follows the logic of the predator.

So the "why?" is easy to understand and predict with psychopaths. As long as Alice has something of value to offer, Mallory keeps the web strong and tight. As Mallory drains Alice he shifts gears and prepares to exit in safety.

Until that point, Mallory must ensure that Alice stays put. This is no simple task. We’re all the descendants of an unbroken chain of survivors. There has been a long arms race between human predator and human prey. This gives even the nicest of us strengths to call on when we need them.

Alice is an adult, and capable of walking out of the door at any point. Mallory cannot stop her by physical force. He doesn’t need to. Instead, He explains to Alice, in different ways, that she has no choice but to stay. There are many ways to do this. These are Mallory’s main tactics:

❂ Cut Alice off from the outside world and sources of help.

❂ Strip Alice’s assets so she becomes too poor to leave.

❂ Keep Alice confused so she accepts Mallory’s arguments.

❂ Break Alice’s empathy and ability to care for others, and herself.

❂ Break Alice’s ability to think and make plans.

❂ Regress Alice to a juvenile state so she accepts her situation.

Mallory could be an organization rather than a person. Organizations tend to take on the characters of their founders. When psychopaths bring people together, we see the same patterns as between individuals. We see this in organizations like investment banks, cults, and VC-funded startups. They tend to abuse their members more than they abuse the rest of the world.

Every cult and police state does the same cheap trick: "they hate us for our freedoms!" This refers to the devastated wastelands of the outside world, filled with roaming zombies. The message is clear: "stay here and follow The Rules, and you will be safe. Leave, and your death will be slow and nasty."

It is already hard for a single mind to make sense of an infinite and chaotic universe. We depend on others for our sense of reality, even our memories. It is the power of a social species, and also its weakness. An isolated individual is much easier to manipulate.

An antagonistic "them and us" mentality is a red flag. If your company defines itself by hate for its competitors, watch out. With individuals it’s harder to see. The first thing you may see (and often, accept as truth) is a "trail of tears." Here, Mallory plays the victim. She tells convincing stories of abuse from her parents, teachers, and ex-partners.

After you have accepted Mallory’s vulnerability, she learns your most important relationships. Then she breaks them, one by one.

Our relationships are rarely strong enough to survive deliberate attack. I once knew a man who’s job it was to recruit experts. He didn’t wait for people to answer ads. Instead, he just called a business. He chatted to the receptionist and asked, "can I speak to your best ?" He would get through. Then he would ask the expert the key question. "Would you change jobs for a promotion and a raise in salary?"

Once upon a time a small software firm called Borland made the best software in the world. They made compilers, spreadsheets and databases. They threatened Microsoft’s business. Microsoft responded not by making their own software better and cheaper. Instead they hired away Borland’s key staff, one by one. The dying firm sued, then settled and was then swallowed up piece-meal, for peanuts.

People asked, at the time, how Borland’s staff could be so disloyal. Yet it was easy, and cheap. Send limousines, offer million-dollar signing bonuses. Make it clear that the number of seats is limited. If you don’t join us, your junior colleague will, and one day you will beg to work for him or her.

There are so many ways to create conflict between people, no matter how close. Psychopaths excel in doing this, if they can see both parties and get a sense of each.

Here are some ways Mallory discourages Bob from an independent social life:

❂ Showing violent jealousy when he speaks to someone of the opposite gender. It’s love, right?

❂ Reporting others plotting against him, with convincing detail. Of course they deny it. That just goes to prove.

❂ Forcing Bob to spend so much time on other tasks that he neglects his social life. It is all about priorities.

❂ Accusing Bob’s family of prejudice and a hateful attitude. They never understood him, never accepted his choices.

❂ Hinting that Bob’s colleagues are getting unfair promotions or earning more than him. She’s obviously sleeping with the boss.

❂ Showing flashes of "crazy" to Bob’s acquaintances so they learn to stay away.

❂ Encouraging Bob to change his behavior and act weird, so others start to avoid him. Here’s a new shirt I bought you. Bright colors suit you!

❂ Forcing a move to a new city or country where Bob knows no-one. We have to move, it’s best for my studies. We’ll be together :)

❂ Criticizing Bob so he loses the confidence needed to make new friends. Your friends say you’re overweight, so you might want to wear baggy clothes.

If Mallory is an organization, most of these tactics still work:

❂ Did you go for a job interview with another firm? That’s treachery… You’re fired!

❂ Every quarter we expect you to rank your colleagues. Oh, and they will rank you.

❂ Yes, we expect you to work evenings and weekends. Other people want your position.

❂ You need to explain to your wife how important your work is. Make her understand.

❂ Employee grade levels and salary data are secret. You negotiate alone.

❂ Next Saturday is team building day. Your voluntary presence is mandatory.

❂ You’re going on a two week intolerance awareness program.

❂ Good news, you’re promoted. How do you feel about moving across country?

❂ Your peer ranking for the last quarter was 20% lower than average.

If Bob insists on an independent social life, Mallory creates a crisis. In a couple, she packs her bags and walks out. A group threatens its non-compliant member with expulsion. "Imagine if you lose this job, and your health benefits. Do you want to risk that?" This is usually enough to break Bob’s resistance. Bob is so lost, so in love, so addicted to Mallory that he will do anything to get her back. If swallowing her persecution complex is what it takes, so be it.