Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. We don't mind it if you have yourself totally together you can have your own house, you can have your own money, you can own your own car. You can have the Brinks alarm system, the guard dog, and the pistol, too. But if the man who is pursuing your affection is never allowed by you to exhibit his ability to provide or protect, then how can he possibly see himself professing his love to a woman who has not allowed him to feel like a man? The things you've acquired and gained.nancially and educationally can never be bigger than the relationship with the man. His DNA will not allow for that. Translation: we appreciate it when women treat us like men, when you let us know that you need us. The need to feel needed is way bigger to us than we've let on; we have to feel needed by you in order to ful.ll our destiny as a man.

Of course, I've heard women say, I'm not going to belittle myself to make him feel more like a man if he can't handle my money and my success and my independence, then he can't handle me! We understand and can handle strong women. In fact, we're the products of strong women women who handle it. It's no secret that you allow us men to believe we're the head of the household, but it's you who makes all the key decisions in the house and with the kids. It's no secret to us that no matter who's bringing in the most money, it's you who ultimately handles the.nances and allocates how the cash is going to be spent. It's no secret that when we argue, we may act like we're right, but we know that ultimately, if we want to restore the peace, you're going to get your way. We're cool with all of this. But if you say things to this effect without keeping up the charade of our being essential to the household or you handle our egos with anything less than great care then we're not going to want to be involved with you. In our minds, if you've got your own money, you don't need ours. If you know karate and can knock somebody.at on his behind by yourself, then you don't need our protection. And if we can't exercise two of the major components that make up who we are as men providing and protecting then we're not about to profess our love for you. We absolutely will not say, I'm your man if you don't let us ful.ll who we are. What will end up happening instead? We'll sleep with you and then walk away.

It's the hard truth, but that's real.

When I was a young man, I was in a relationship with a woman who I thought I loved. I had dropped out of college and was in between jobs, just starting to.nd my way as a comedian. She was an enormous help to me; I was struggling, and she was holding it down for us.nancially, I admit, but I thought I was more than making up for my lack of cash by being all I could be around the house doing what was necessary to keep our home in order. See, that's what being in a real relationship is all about.nding that balance, even in the midst of adversity. And adversity will come. Those wedding vows they make you say? The preacher makes you say them because he and everyone else who's ever been married knows what's coming. For better or for worse? Worse is coming. In sickness and in health? Somebody is going to get sick. For richer or for poorer? Somebody might end up broke, temporarily laid off. Hard times will certainly come. The question is, how are you going to deal with it?

This was made clear to a friend of mine one particular day when he went grocery shopping. His woman was loading up the cart with everything she needed for the house the meats, the vegetables, the fruits, the drinks, and everything. And then they turned down the aisle with the pineapple juice. Now one thing you need to know about my friend he loves pineapple juice. Steak with pineapple juice I can't tell you which is better to him. And when they turned down that aisle, the.rst thing he put his hand on during that entire grocery store trip was a bottle of pineapple juice. He didn't think anything of it just grabbed a bottle and dropped it into the cart. She had her back turned when he did it, but when she turned around and saw the pineapple juice in there on the pile of groceries, she snatched it out and said, What is this?

Pineapple juice, he said simply.

And who put this pineapple juice in the basket? she asked.

Well, I did, he said, a little confused. Who else in the world would have put a bottle of pineapple juice into their cart?

You, she practically spit, don't have any money.

And then she did the unthinkable: she took that bottle of pineapple juice and purposely dropped it on the.oor; it hit the tile with the loudest crash, and broke into what looked like a million little pieces of shiny glass shards and yellow liquid all of it just inches away from their feet. She glanced at it, then gave him the eye, and pushed the grocery cart on away from the mess and him.

He walked out the store and waited for her; when she.nally came out, he loaded the groceries into the car with tears in his eyes. You just can't imagine how that hurt him. He knew he didn't have any money, but all he wanted was a damn bottle of pineapple juice, and in that singular act, in that one moment, his lady shoved into his face that she didn't consider him to be a man. It was more important to her in that moment to prove what he already knew that he wasn't ful.lling his role as a provider. I'm not suggesting that she didn't have the right to have a man who was pulling his weight. But if she knew him and men she would have understood that making him feel less than a man wasn't going to get her what she needed and wanted out of her man. Her actions were only going to drive him away.

Not long after, he left her.

And that is pretty much the reaction you can expect from men in similar situations where a woman makes more than her partner and she rubs that fact in his face. Will he be intimidated by your money and your success? Of course. Because you're taking him out of his role as a man to be the provider. It's what society expects of him, and really, what you've been taught to expect of men, too that he be able to sweep you up and take care of you. Sure, when a man is young and doesn't know any better, he's busy being all this other stuff he thinks.ts into what it means to be a man: dating an excess of women; recklessly spending his money on things he doesn't really need, much less can afford; using his muscle instead of his brain in his quest to appear tough. But most of us grow out of this eventually, and when we do, we recognize that a real man provides for the ones he loves. Even a male convict will sit behind bars and tell you, The.rst thing I'm going to do when I get out of here is take care of my family and get a job that's all I want to do. Most every man comes to that realization. Some men never come out of the ignorance and die fools alone. But for the most part, when we get around other men and try to validate our manhood, it's not about how many women we've got, but who we're taking care of.

We are trained to be providers for you, and you are trained to look for that in us. So the moment that order of things is thrown off, the relationship is out of sync. If a woman also has the bad habit of throwing a man's de.ciencies in his face, then he has a problem of a whole different magnitude. He's going to struggle with not being the provider and she's going to feel like his ego is getting in the way of her happiness. And everyone involved is bound to get and be miserable.

So how do we get through this situation?

Don't give up your money, or your job, or your education, or the pride and dignity that come with all of that.

Just be a lady.

Oh, I can hear the collective teeth sucking it's as loud as a police siren and helicopter whir in Compton I can see the universal arm folding and eyebrow raising as well. But your getting hot and bothered by what I'm saying isn't going to change the fact that men, no matter what their.nancial situation, background, social status, or backstory, want their women to let them take care of them. And I say to you de.ant ones, go ahead and act like this isn't important if you want to, but the women who accept that it's okay to let the guy take the lead sometime are going to win. So do you want a man or not?