Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

In front of everyone during a commercial break, I asked her, What does he want?

She laughed and gave me a confused look. Nothing, she giggled. We're just making small talk. Mind you, the guy trying to talk to her isn't saying a word. He knows that I know. And after a few more commercial breaks, and a lot more of his obvious moves, I.nally told her he was looking for much more than a simple conversation.

He wants something from you, I said. I can prove it to you.

Now the crowd, full of mostly women, is goading me on. Here's the deal, I said. Turn around right now, look in his face, and do not take your eyes off his eyes. Now tell him how many kids you got and watch his reaction.

The man seemed calm until she got to the word.ve. He reeled back like a spooked horse; his whole facial structure changed, and even though he covered his mouth, he couldn't keep his surprised, Ooh, from escaping his lips.

He couldn't get away from her fast enough. The next break, he was down on the other end of the venue.fty feet away, in some other woman's face. See, he wanted something from her, but that something didn't include.ve kids. He had a good job, he appeared intelligent. He had told me he was making good money; clearly, however, he couldn't foresee his money split those many ways. When he was.irting with this woman, all he envisioned was he and her getting down to it, no strings attached.

My cohost just laughed and laughed and asked me how I knew all of this. It's easy: when a man approaches you, he has a plan. And the main plan is to sleep with you, or to.nd out what it takes to sleep with you.

Here's a generalization but in my experience, it's true. Women love to sit and talk for no apparent reason but to talk, but we men, we're just not cut out to chitchat for the sake of chitchat we don't have time for it. We men are very simple people: if we like what we see, we're coming over there. If we don't want anything from you, we're not coming over there. Period. Please highlight this part right here so you can always remind yourself the next time a man steps to you: a man always wants something. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to.nd out two things: (1) if you're willing to sleep with him, and (2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him.

That's his mission in the club.

That's his charge in the lunchroom at the of.ce.

That's what he's up to when he skips past all those seats at the church and sits down in the pew right next to you.

If a man sees you and asks you how you're doing, what do you think he came over there for? He didn't come over to learn anything from you, to.nd out about your interests and likes and wants. That's what women do when they're interested in getting to know someone. For a man, it's really less complicated: he liked what he saw from across the room and now he's going to go over there and get it. He doesn't care anything about your personality or what you do for a living; your friends mean nothing to him, and whether you know Jesus is irrelevant. He just wants to know if he might be able to sleep with you, and he's talking to you to determine exactly how much he has to invest to get what he wants.

When I say, invest, I'm not talking solely about monetary values; I'm talking about your values your requirements. He's trying to see if your price is too high, if it's affordable, if he can get it on credit, whether he can get it tonight. If you don't lay out any requirements, then you're free game on. He knows he can get you to the bed with minimal effort. But if you tell him up front you have requirements that you need his time, his respect, his attention then he knows you're expensive, that he's going to need to put in work to get the cookie. For some men, that cost may be too high they're just looking for a good time and have no interest in investing time and respect and a commitment. One man may assess right away, Man, I got to go by there two or three times a week, gas is.ve dollars a gallon, I got this other woman I'm hollering at, I'm going to have to call her and all of that. No, that price is out of my range. For another man, your sticker price may be affordable.

This is useful information to you because now you know when a man approaches you, you can cut through the riffraff, lay down your requirements (which I'll talk about later), and determine right away whether he's willing to pay for what it is he's looking for. Okay, so ladies: it's no secret now and you can act accordingly. When you're not aware that all men have plans, you're not placing requirements on him, and if you're not setting any ground rules, then you're essentially telling him that you're open for his rules. You've established that you don't care how often he calls, when he comes by, how often you all talk, and whether he opens your door; this means that he'll call you when he gets ready, he won't be opening any of your doors, and even though you asked him to be there at seven, he won't show up until eight all because you didn't (a) acknowledge that a man always has a plan and (b) act accordingly.

This is precisely what was on my father-in-law's mind when one of my daughters brought home her alleged boyfriend to the house for a family dinner. You should know that my fatherin-law is one of the smartest men I ever met in my life he's a man I look up to, and I look up to very few men. The things that come out of his mouth are usually, if not always, on point and make me think. The same was true this particular evening when he lined up this boy on the living room couch and asked him plain as day, So, what's your plan with my granddaughter?

The young man, about thirty, asked very simply, What do you mean by that?

I mean just what I asked, my father-in-law said. What is your plan?

I don't have no plan, he said.

Then what are you doing? my father-in-law asked.

I'm just trying to get to know her, he insisted.

But what's your plan? Where is this going? my father-inlaw snapped back.

Finally, under the pressure of the questioning, the squared shoulders, and two straight-faced black men making it clear we know the game, the boy.nally broke down and said those four fateful words: We're just kicking it.

My father-in-law sat there and stared at him for a minute, satis.ed,.nally, that he'd gotten to the bottom of it. He tasted blood. Okay, then cool, my father-in-law said quietly. Let's share that with her, that you're just 'kicking it.' Let's see how she feels being the kicked one. Let's take that back to her.

She looked so crazy when, a few minutes later, we let her know about her man's plans that they're just kicking it. Because she knows from our constant talks and updates and sessions about men that when it comes to relationships, you're either being kicked or you're potential long-term material. It can't be both. Clearly, he had a plan that was different from what she wanted.

Luckily my daughter had her granddad and me to help her decipher her man's plan. But not every woman has a father.gure around to hip her to the game. Now, when that man comes smiling all up in your face and talking like he's really into you, act like you know. Because now, you do: he wants to sleep with you.

What's your price?

If you let him know up front, he will let you know up front if it's too high a price for him to pay. And then you can move on.

Anyone who really knows me knows about my passion for.shing. I've always loved the tranquil moments that come with the sport sitting on the bank or the deck of a boat, out on the open water. There is no greater peace. But I also crave the sudden explosion of adrenaline that comes when I feel a.sh on the other end of my line; you can't imagine the thrill that comes when I have to use every bit of my might and mind to see if I can keep this.sh hooked, reel it in, and get it in the boat.