Ed Strosser - Stupid Wars - A Citizen's Guide to Botched Putsches, Failed Coups, Inane Invasions, and Ridiculous Revolutions

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Stupid Wars : A Citizen's Guide to Botched Putsches, Failed Coups, Inane Invasions, and Ridiculous Revolutions: краткое содержание, описание и аннотация

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When winners write history, they sometimes "forget" to include their own embarrassing misjudgments. Fortunately, this take-no-prisoners edition of history isn't going to let the winners (or the losers) forget the mistakes of the past. Be prepared to laugh out loud — and gasp in horror — at the most painfully idiotic strategies, alliances, and decisions the world has ever known. These stupid wars have been launched by democracies as well as monarchies and dictatorships, in recent decades just as often as in less "enlightened" times. The ridiculous and reckless conflicts chronicled in Stupid Wars include the misdirected Fourth Crusade, the half-baked invasion of Russia by the U.S., the U.K.'s baffling Falklands War, Hitler's ill-fated Beer Hall Putsch, several incredibly foolish South American conflicts, the Bay of Pigs fiasco, and many more. Whether you're a future dictator, war-mongering politician, royal mistress, or history lover, these blow-by-stupid-blow accounts will teach you the valuable lessons you need to stay off the list, including:
• Don't declare war on all your neighbors at the same time.
• Working radios, accurate maps, and weather-appropriate uniforms are big plusses.
• Large amounts of bird poop and very small islands are probably not worth dying for.
• Never invade Russia.
• Seriously. It's a really bad idea.

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The RMC sent two telexes to try to ward off an invasion. The first one was sent to the American embassy in Barbados, not an obvious hub of U.S. foreign policy. It was ignored. The other telex was sent to London, where it arrived at a plastics company instead of the British government because the wrong number had been used. The plastics company called the British government who told them to drop the telex in the mail. There was no follow-up from the Grenadan Caribo-Stalinists, who despite the swirling rumors of an im­minent attack by the Americans, didn’t really seem to be paying attention.

Back in Washington, North pushed on with the invasion planning without any formal warnings or notification to the Grenadans, the British, most of the Pentagon, and almost all elected U.S. government officials. The main feature of the plan was that it be secret and quick, a giant hostage rescue operation, to ensure the safety of the students. The Pentagon had an invasion plan handy, as they do for many countries, but it was tossed aside as not germane. North’s vision for the invasion did not include involving such hangers-on as the head of logistics for the Joint Chiefs of Staff, someone presumably critical to planning an invasion, who was not informed. North believed he could not be trusted to keep word from leaking out.

Reagan was presented with the plan on Friday, October 21, 1983, and was so staggered by the enormity of invading another country that he immediately left for a weekend of golf at the famous Masters Championship course in Augusta, Georgia. Rather than involving just the two obvious military branches in the invasion — the U.S. Navy and Marines — North had pumped up the plan to make sure all the branches would get a slice of glory. Nothing brings out the pro-invad­ers at the Pentagon more than an easy win in the Caribbean followed by a lengthy beachside occupation.

As it turned out, however, a marine amphibious unit, about 1,600 strong on a flotilla of ships with everything needed for a nice small-scale invasion, happened to be on the way to Beirut, Lebanon. It was quickly redirected to Gre­nada. A navy armada led by the carrier Independence also sailed. Army Rangers and paratroopers from the Eighty-second Airborne would catch direct flights from the States and land right on Grenada’s giant airfield.

On Sunday morning, October 24, terrorists blew up the marine barracks in Beirut, killing more than two hundred soldiers. Reagan couldn’t get his last round in. He flew back to Washington to deal with the emergency. The whole ad­ministration became preoccupied with the enormous crisis in Lebanon, where large, pressing issues of national security were actually at stake. Grenada suddenly became an after­thought. The only thing that resonated with Reagan was that he did not want to repeat the Americans-as-hostages scenario. He did not want to get Jimmy Cartered so close to home. So, he gave the final go-ahead for the Grenada opera­tion: Tuesday was D-Day.

When the commanders got the final orders, the first thing they did was look for their maps. They found that there were none.

WHAT HAPPENED: OPERATION “OVERKILL”

When the commanders of the RMC realized the rumors were true and their nearby superpower was going to invade, they hustled into tunnels under Fort Frederick. The fact that they would also not be able to communicate with their army by radio from inside the tunnels did not stunt their determina­tion to stay safe from the inevitable bombing and strafing that happens when a superpower invades your tiny island.

In fact, they didn’t have many troops to command. The main assault force of the RMC was a mobile company of about one hundred men with APC’s, two antitank rifles, some mortars, and two antiaircraft guns. There were another dozen antiaircraft guns scattered throughout the island manned by the militia companies. The militias, which in peacetime counted over three thousand strong, had quickly dissolved back into the populace when Coard had taken over, and only about 250 showed up to tackle the super­power invasion. The regular Grenadan army numbered about 500. They had a half dozen or so of the handy APCs with machine guns, manned by brave, bloodthirsty troops, as had been proved emphatically when they wiped out Bishop without hesitation in the name of the revolution.

Castro refused to provide any reinforcements to the 600 or so Cubans at the airport, except to dispatch an officer at the last minute to make sure the Cubans stood firm before the inevitable collapse. Castro was determined to make sure that the rabid anti-Communist, running-dog imperialist gen­erals of the superpower weren’t tempted to go island hop­ping through the Caribbean, issued strict orders only to fire at invaders if fired upon. The RMC, sensing perhaps that fighting a superpower army without radio contact with their own troops could perhaps occupy all of their attention, left the Cubans to handle themselves.

Arrayed against them were thousands of heavily armed, technologically superior, highly trained superpower warriors in planes, helicopters, ships, and vehicles, tracked and un-tracked. The force was overwhelming. Resistance would be futile. Or so it seemed.

In 1983 the U.S. military was still recovering from the debacle of the Vietnam War. There were not yet precision, satellite-guided smart bombs that promised collateral-damage-free attacks, with streaming video footage to prove it. In order to blow things up with its vast arsenal of rock­ets, bombs, and artillery shells, Combat Control Teams (CCT) — actual soldiers with binoculars and radios — had to direct the attacks. These spotters were usually accompanied by some of the growing forest of special forces the Ameri­can military now featured: Army Rangers, army Delta Force, Navy SEALS, and Marine Special Forces.

Special Forces had taken on a life of their own after the failed 1980 mission to rescue the hostages in Iran. With the entire U.S. military establishment desperate to chalk up a vic­tory in the first real action since Vietnam, confidence ran very high. Ollie North’s attitude was that coordination was for desk jockeys and ping-pong. But coordination of all these forces on such short notice proved to be complicated and as lethal as the enemy shooting back at them.

In addition to not knowing exactly where they were going, the commanders were not sure who they would be fighting, or how many of them existed. Old tourist maps were pulled out, and anyone who had actually visited the island was la­beled an expert. While the maps provided little information on enemy strongholds, they did inform the U.S. commanders where they could rent mopeds.

After careful consideration, American commanders esti­mated that they would defeat the enemy, no matter how well armed or how many there turned out to be, in one day. They also assumed that all the medical students were at the True Blue Bay campus adjoining the runway. This information, which could have been confirmed by calling someone run­ning the medical school or, perhaps, even a student there, was apparently beyond the operational scope of the mission.

The combination of an almost complete lack of intelli­gence, a dearth of accurate up-to-date maps of the island, and the scrum of interservice rivalry seemed destined to ensure communication gaps, miscues, and foul-ups. In a bu­reaucracy, this causes headaches. When that bureaucracy is the military, it causes deaths.

It was a rush to war, but an ambling sort of rush. Like a rusty car sitting on the lawn way too long, the engine of war had trouble turning over.

On the first night, October 23, Navy SEALs and air force CCTs planned a landing on the Point Salines runway to clear obstacles and set up navigation beacons for the incoming wave of troops. Because the invasion was so rushed, these vanguard soldiers were forced to rendezvous with the navy by (1) flying directly to Grenada from the States, (2) para­chuting into the ocean, (3) in the dark, (4) somewhat close to the ships (5) from about six hundred feet up, in (6) high winds. The result was that four out of sixteen soldiers drowned, and their small boats, when they finally got aboard, were swamped on the way into the beach. The mis­sion was canceled.

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