Пелам Гренвилл Вудхаус - Дживс, вы – гений! / Thank you, Jeeves!

“And that went well?”

“Very well, indeed, sir. Except that Master Seabury said that he was sure Master Dwight had never heard negro minstrels before. Master Dwight had then thrown a potato at Master Seabury.”

“I wish somebody would and chain those kids up. They’ll spoil the whole thing.”

“Master Dwight said that his hand had slipped, and the apology was gracefully received.”

“Well, go back and see if you can hear some more.”

“Very good, sir.”

I finished my sandwiches and beer, wishing that I had told Jeeves to bring me some coffee. But you don’t have to tell Jeeves things like that. He came back with the steaming cupful.

“Luncheon has just concluded, sir.”

“Ah! Did you see Miss Stoker?”

“Yes, sir. I informed her that you desired a word with her, and she will be here shortly.”

“Why not now?”

“His lordship engaged her in conversation immediately after I had given her your message.”

“Had you told him to come here, too?”

“Yes, sir.”

“No good, Jeeves. They will arrive together.”

“No, sir. If so, I can easily detain him for a moment on some matter.”

“When did you see Miss Stoker?”

“About a quarter of an hour ago, sir.”

“Ah!”

I had observed a gleam of white among the bushes. The next moment, the girl appeared. She was looking more beautiful than ever, her eyes, in particular, shining like twin stars.

“Hallo, Bertie,” said Pauline. “Are you really having a headache? You seem to have been doing yourself pretty well, in spite of it.”

“Oh … You had better take these things back, Jeeves.”

“Very good, sir.”

“And if his lordship should want me, I’m here.”

“Yes, sir.”

He gathered up the plate, cup and bottle and disappeared.

Pauline had grabbed my arm.

“Bertie—” she was saying

But at this point I caught sight of Chuffy’s head over a shrub, and I felt that the moment had come to act. I waited no longer. Folding the girl in my arms, I kissed her on her right eyebrow.

But the fellow in the shrub was not Chuffy. The bloke who now stood before us was old Stoker. It was, you must admit, not a little awkward. A fellow with fifty millions in his pocket doesn’t have to wear the mask. If he wants to give anybody a nasty look, he gives him a nasty look. He was giving me one now.

Fortunately, the thing did not go beyond looks. The civilization prevailed. With one more of those looks he collected Pauline, and the next moment I was alone.

Suddenly Chuffy appeared.

“Look here, Bertie,” he began without preamble, “what’s all this I hear?”

“What’s all what you hear, old man?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you had been engaged to Pauline Stoker?”

“I don’t understand you, Chuffnell,” I said stiffly. “Did you expect me to send you a post card?”

“You could have told me this morning.”

“I saw no reason to do so. How did you hear about it, anyhow?”

“Sir Roderick Glossop happened to mention it.”

“Oh, he did, did he? Well, he broke it off.”

“What do you mean?”

“He happened to be in New York at the time, and to urge old Stoker to give me the push. The whole thing didn’t last more than forty-eight hours.”

“You swear that?”

“Certainly.”

“Only forty-eight hours?”

“Less.”

“And there’s nothing between you now?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re sure?”

“Nothing whatever. So, Chuffy, old man,” I said, patting his shoulder, “fear nothing. The girl is in love with you.”

“Who told you that?”

“She did.”

“Herself?”

“In person.”

“She does really love me?”

“Passionately.”

A look of relief came into his face.

“Well, that’s all right, then. You know, when a fellow’s just got engaged to a girl, it’s rather strange to find that she was engaged to somebody else about two months before.”

I was astounded.

“Are you engaged? Since when?”

“Since shortly after lunch.”

“But how about Wotwotleigh?”

“Who told you about Wotwotleigh?”

“Jeeves. He said the shadow of Wotwotleigh brooded over you like a cloud.”

“Jeeves talks too much. Immediately before I talked to Pauline, old Stoker told me he had decided to buy the house.”

“Really!”

“Absolutely. I think it was the wine that did it. My best wine.”

“You couldn’t have done a wiser thing. Your own idea?”

“No. Jeeves’s.”

I could not restrain a wistful sigh.

“Jeeves is a wonder.”

“A marvel.”

“What a brain! He eats a lot of fish. What a pity he does not like good music,” I said. “Well, this is fine, I hope you will be very, very happy. I can honestly say that I always look on Pauline as one of the nicest girls I was ever engaged to.”

“I’m trying to forget that you ever were engaged to her. I wonder what made her accept you?”

This had puzzled me too.

“I once consulted a knowledgeable pal,” I said, “and his theory was that the sight of me hanging about like a sheep awoke the maternal instinct in woman. There may be something in this.”

“Possibly,” agreed Chuffy. “Well, I’ll be off. I suppose Stoker will want to talk to me about the house. You are coming?”

“No, thanks. I could stand your Aunt Myrtle. I could even stand little Seabury. But add Stoker and Glossop, this is too much for Bertram. I shall take a stroll about the estate.”

I spent an agreeable two hours strolling about, and it was late afternoon when the imperative need for a cup of tea sent me back. I wanted to find Jeeves.

A maid directed me to his room.

“In fact, Jeeves,” I said, “I suppose old Chuffy is feeling great.”

“Not exactly, sir.”

“Eh?”

“No, sir. I regret to say that there has been something wrong.”

“What! Have they quarrelled already?”

“No, sir. His lordship’s relations with Miss Stoker continue cordial. It is with Mr Stoker that he is on distant terms.”

“Oh, my God!”

“Yes, sir.”

“What happened?”

“The origin of the trouble was a physical contest [57] physical contest – состязание в силе between Master Dwight Stoker and Master Seabury, sir. Master Seabury tried to get exact from Master Dwight the sum of one shilling and sixpence for what he termed protection.”

“Oh, Lord!”

“Yes, sir. Master Dwight, I gathered, declined. One word led to another, with the result that at about three-thirty sounds were heard proceeding from the room, and the senior members of the party discovered the young gentlemen on the floor, they were struggling. At the moment of their arrival, Master Dwight was seated on Master Seabury’s chest, bumping his head on the carpet.”

“And then?”

“The initiative was taken by Lady Chuffnell.”

I moaned.

“On witnessing it, her ladyship uttered a sharp cry and struck Master Dwight with considerable force on the right ear.”

“Upon which, of course—?”

“Precisely, sir. Mr Stoker kicked Master Seabury.”

“He got him, Jeeves!”

“Yes, sir. Master Seabury was rising at the moment, and was well adapted for the receipt of such an attack. Her ladyship called to Sir Roderick for support, and high words [58] high words – слова в повышенном тоне ensued. Then Mr Stoker informed Sir Roderick that if he supposed that he, Mr Stoker, intended to purchase Chuffnell Hall after what had occurred, he, Sir Roderick, was in grave error.”