Deborah Capras - Small Talk - B1+

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First edition 2014

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Source ISBN: 9780007546237

Ebook Edition © JUNE 2014 ISBN: 9780007574759

Version: 2014-08-19

Small talk is not small

We all prefer to do business with people we trust. To build trust with your business partners, you need to have good working relationships and you can create the basis for such relationships if you can connect with people on a personal level. Small talk can help you to make this connection.

Why make small talk?

● To create a bond:By opening up about your interests, you can create a more personal bond with someone and therefore a better relationship.

● To create a network:You can find the best business partners in business situations and at social events. If you can engage with strangers using small talk, you can create a network of people you can call on for their expertise. And they, in turn, will want to add you to their networks.

● To create a positive atmosphere:You can use small talk to make yourself and others feel at ease.

What factors influence small talk?

Place

The way you make small talk with a stranger at a conference is different from the way you talk to someone who is visiting your office or someone at an evening event. If you are welcoming a visitor to your office, you need to make them feel at ease. At a conference, you are on neutral ground and can use small talk simply to make contacts. At an evening event, you are also on neutral ground and the situation is more likely to be relaxed. Therefore, topics may be more personal.

Personality

According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator ®, a popular tool that identifies people as belonging to distinctive personality types, some people are more extroverted and others are more introverted. Extroverts enjoy social events and group conversations with lots of different people. They become energized in social situations, often moving quickly from one topic of conversation to another. Introverts, on the other hand, prefer one-on-one conversations. They will often talk about fewer topics, but in more detail. They may be better at keeping in touch at a distance, via email for example. They aren’t necessarily bad at small talk, but they may find it harder and more tiring; they may be better listeners. So does this mean that introverts and extroverts can’t talk to each other? Not at all. If you are an extrovert, give the introverts time to join in. If you are introverted, make the most of your one-on-one interactions. By the way, no one type is seen as good or bad – they are just different.

Relationship

To some extent, the kind of small talk you make depends on the status of the person you are talking to. It is generally more relaxed between people who have a similar status than, for example, between a receptionist and a CEO. Small talk could still be important, but it may be more limited.

The longer you know someone, the friendlier and more informal small talk can be. Less formal language helps to build personal relationships. If you are too formal, you may create a distance that is hard to bridge.

Gender

For many years Deborah Tannen, a sociolinguist and author of You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation , has been studying how men and women communicate and interact. She describes the type of talk that men make as ‘report-talk’. By this, she means that they like to exchange information about impersonal topics. Women, however, generally prefer ‘rapport-talk’, which focuses on personal relationships and is more intimate. She also notes that men tend to talk more in public than women.