Naty Daybs - Muse for the artist

© Naty Daybs, 2020

ISBN 978-5-0051-5954-0

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

Muse FOR THE artist

I walk along the street along the road all alone. Downtown. It was almost dark now. Probably eight hours. I picked up the phone, but the battery was completely discharged. I didn’t know how long I walked. There was emptiness and pain inside. It feels like I was just thrown out like a stray kitten, but it’s not. We just parted, this happens to everyone, – I stubbornly repeated to myself. But the pain did not stop, and rare tears still tried to roll out of my eyes. People passing by occasionally looked sideways in my direction, but I did not care, in other matters, like them. The city gradually became empty and dark. As well as my soul at this moment, torn apart into millions of fragments.. On that day, the last hope that Max and I would be together again was destroyed. He took his things and left. I just left. Without even asking how I was doing. «Hello, where are my things?» And «bye» – That’s all, I heard today instead of the long-awaited phrase «Sorry, let’s start all over again» Of course, I have an apartment, albeit rented, work, friends and I’m only twenty-two. But… Life without him in an empty apartment was unbearable. And dream… I completely stopped sleeping. I woke up every half hour, jumping abruptly in bed, and then tossed and turned for another hour to get at least a little sleep until morning. At first I tried to live with my parents, who, despite my outward calmness, experienced my pain with me. And they tried in every possible way to cheer me up or keep me busy.

But I was terribly drawn home to his things, which are now not in the apartment, to his smell, to his aura, left after. And to my memories. To be honest to myself, I just hoped that he was about to ring the doorbell and we would be together again. So I returned home. And my hope has warmed me to this day. Like the whole environment around me in a small removable studio apartment.

This sofa here. We bought it just six months ago. But we spent so many hot nights together during these six months… And when we were running around the shops in search of this sofa, I wiped both feet in new shoes and Max.. Max carried me in his arms to the apartment… Then he seemed to me so strong, so reliable. The very best. Such a tall, slender blond with blue eyes like the sky and, as it seemed to me, incredibly strong hands. And these memories covered me every time I crossed the threshold of this apartment. Apartments where love and happiness reigned recently. And now only sad memories and broken feelings… And an empty cold city, where I felt like the loneliest person in the world. A city filled with my memories.

And how to get them out of your head? No way. We must accept. The time has come. I continued along the road along the illuminated sidewalk with a wild desire to throw myself under the first oncoming car. But she kept walking. Life goes on, – I convinced myself by ear.

Even after Maxim left, I went to my sister in a neighboring city. I lived there for about a week. But I did not want to cause discomfort to the young family and, despite all Sveta’s attempts to leave me for another week, she went home. Say what you like, but the change of scenery helped me at least a little to calm down and look at life differently. Yes, we broke up, but I have friends, parents, a good job and a place to live. And also loneliness. Loneliness eating from the inside every cell of my broken heart.

Also, I often spent the night with a close friend of Rita. When the repairs in our branch ended and I was able to start working again. I just couldn’t be alone in the apartment for more than half an hour. Tears rolled in and I was afraid that if I burst into tears, I would not be able to stop. It seemed to me that everything was fine with us… And suddenly it was an SMS with the words «Sorry, don’t look for me. Max.» My life turned upside down in a moment and lost its meaning. And no matter how hard I tried to find him, I couldn’t yet. Although almost two months have passed since Max’s departure. Every day after work, I either went to my friend’s house, or just walked around the city. I didn’t want to meet new guys, make new friends, start new relationships, as Rita strongly recommended to me.

So I just walked forward. And today, after Max took his last things, I still didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to upset my parents with my completely broken appearance, they were worried about me anyway, my friends were all busy that evening and I decided to just go shopping. But, having entered the first one that came across, I realized that I did not want to look at anything and decided to just get some fresh air and think. Finally, I got tired of wandering down the street, and the September evening was getting colder. I went to the nearest cafe just for tea or coffee and cake. Sitting down at the table and opening the menu, I heard a pleasant male voice.

– Girl, can I join you? Why do you look so sad?

The guy looked a little older than me. A handsome, muscular, tall brunette with brown eyes and an extremely expensive suit. But I have repeatedly heard about the divorces of young girls like these males. Yes, however, and Max I was far from dead. And now, near me, though a handsome, but too dangerous for me (in my opinion) type, stood and glared at me.

– Excuse me, young man, I want to be alone, do you mind?

– I object. I just want to buy you something. Girl, why are you looking at me so scared? My name is Mikhail.

– Yana.

– Nice to meet you. I’ll order us two coffees and two salads. Do not you mind?

– I can order myself coffee. Thank you.

Mikhail called the waitress. A girl came up. Tall, slender, in a white blouse and a fairly short black skirt.

– What do you want? She asked, looking at the man as if I were not here. Of course, such a tired little girl without hair and makeup can be ignored. I looked so-so. Her dark blond hair was tangled in the wind and looked like straw. Too simple blue skinny jeans And my favorite T-shirt just hung on me like a sack, since lately my appetite has completely left me. I could eat almost nothing for two or three days. I managed only with a glass of tea or coffee and a couple of boiled eggs… Without that, deep-set, my eyes sagged even more, and dark circles from insomnia seemed to now occupy half of my face. But I didn’t care.

«Probably, the guy hasn’t had sex for a long time, since he sat next to me. Although he is so… Like a magazine cover. Girls have to run in droves.» – I kept thinking, burying my head in the phone and wondering if I would have to run or call the police. Mikhail, meanwhile, looked at the menu and made an order.

– We have two lattes with cream, two vegetable salads and two slices of black bread.

– I’ll bring your order now, – said the waiter Karina, as it was written on the badge. She turned around, slightly winked at Mikhail and walked, swinging her hips on her high heels. And ka to her legs do not fall off? – I thought. I always loved sports shoes more and for beauty I chose the maximum, ballet flats. And now I was in them. And also in blue jeans and a pink T-shirt with the words «there is happiness.» I put it on in the hope that when Max comes for things, we will make up, but fate decided differently and Max just left. And I just let him go. No, it’s not easy at all…

– Why are you so sad? Someone offended you?

– Not. – I tried to answer as calmly as possible.

– Someone died or got sick?

– Not. – this time the answer was sharper. But the young man did not react in any way to my raised tone.