Tatyana Shuklina - Antakarana. Quest in Reality

«A very kind heart.»

I have no time to think about his words, as the plane suddenly gets into a zone of turbulence, and it starts to shake severely. With the mind I understand that this is not dangerous at all, nevertheless, I can’t help being nervous: I grip the armrests of the leather seat with my hands and even forget to breathe out of excitement. After a minute, everything calms down, and I feel ashamed of my fear.

I’m already planning a response to another stinging joke from Alex, when the plane seems to fall into an air hole. It takes my breath away for a second. But outside the window the sun is shining brightly, the sky is blinding with its blue – it can only be so blue here, at an altitude of 10,000 meters. Fluffy clouds float beneath us so peacefully that I manage to pull myself together and calm down. And the moment I completely relax, the plane shakes with renewed vigor.

I have never experienced such intense turbulence before. The plane literally jumps in the air, then drops down for a few fractions of a second, then shakes from side to side. Horror binds me, so I can’t breathe or even just move. Instead, I have an iron grip on the seat and cannot formulate a single clear thought in my head. Shouts are heard in the cabin. Excited exclamations come through my own veil of fear. Someone is trying to call the flight attendant. Suddenly, everything ends as spontaneously as it began.

All I want now is to see Alex’s good-natured, mocking smile and make sure everything is in order. But when I turn in his direction, instead of the expected smile, I see a worried, even pale face.

«Alex, I’m really afraid to fly,» I babble.

«Be quiet! Something is wrong! Can you hear the engine running unevenly?»

«Stop that!» I am angry and expect that now he will laugh, rejoice at how well he played me out.

«Please,» I mentally ask him, «tell me it’s not true! I won’t even take offense.»

But looking out the window, I shudder from what I saw. Thick black smoke is pouring from the left wing. There can be no doubt that a serious problem occurred during the violent shaking. And as if in confirmation of my thought, the plane slowly lands on the left wing, holds for some time, as it seems to me, in one place, and then begins to plummet downward.

Fuzzily, I hear screams in different languages, panic in the cabin, Alex’s instructions:

«Fasten all the belts! Don’t move!»

Someone is crying, another one is praying hard. The blood rushes to my head, so I no longer know where the top and bottom are. The eardrums seem to be about to burst from sudden pressure. Seat belts bite painfully into the shoulders. I want to scream, but I can’t open my mouth. I register the impact of some objects flying around the cabin and the deafening roar of a falling plane.

The entire cabin is clouded with thick acrid smoke and filled with the smell of burning. The oxygen mask hung in front of my face, and somewhere deep in my subconscious, the flight attendants’ briefing before the start pops up. With shaking hands, I pull the mask over the face and try to take my first breath, but the lungs sewn with the threads of fear refuse to obey. I close my eyes tightly.

The thoughts get confused in my head.

«Is that all? The end? Is all this happening to me in reality? Is the biggest fear of my life, my nightmares coming true? "I think in some daze. I used to be sure that «pictures of the whole life’s journey» in the face of death is a myth. But now scenes from the past are really flickering before my closed eyes: people, events, experiences. Clearly, distinctly, in some specific moments of life and, most surprisingly, in the reverse order.

Meeting Alex. The Glossy Lady. I board a plane at Sheremetyevo airport. I open the letter with a trembling hand, stamped Antakarana Corporation. I press the «Fill» button of the questionnaire opened on the monitor to participate in the Game of the Century. I study English irregular verbs with first-graders, translate negotiations on the delivery of a new tomograph to the city hospital. Euphoria during the second parachute jump. Horror before the first one. Graduation party at the institute, generously flavored with laughter and tears. Disappointment due to the failed ascent of Elbrus. Painful parting with Andrey. I jump for joy in front of the list of applicants on the wall of the university. First kiss with Kirill at the school prom. – Pictures in my head speed up. – Tears because of the first bad score in math. Mom fries pancakes on Sunday morning, and I burned my finger. First day at the new school. Hike to the Ural Mountains. Grandma’s village, where the goose nibbles me and chases me for some time. Mom leads me by the hand on my first school day. A funeral on a rainy day. Mom and Dad, embracing, cry bitterly in the kitchen. Mom, pale as a sheet, talking on the phone. I play dolls with my older sister. I try to crawl to my sister, but she runs away from me all the time and… Nothing more.

The pictures suddenly cease to come to mind. Chaos and panic reign in the plane. I open my eyes and look out the window. The earth is approaching with unimaginable speed – the two-story airport building is already clearly visible, to which we are rapidly rushing. A couple more seconds – and only a smoking heap of wreckage will remain.

«Goodbye, Mom and Dad, I love you,» I whisper squeezed.

The wing touches the ground, I close my eyes tightly and… nothing happens.

Suddenly, the picture outside the window changes and our plane is still standing in the same place at the airport in Lhasa. I look around in fright. What’s happening? Am I out of my mind? Other passengers also exchange looks in bewilderment. No, everything happened in reality, this is not my sick fantasy – this is evidenced by the things scattered around the cabin, and oxygen masks still dangling over our heads. However, the smell of burning and smoke quickly disappear, leaving no trace.

I hear somebody crying. The woman of southern descent is shouting emotionally in her language. The athlete jumps to his feet, swearing loudly and obscenely. His gaze goes to the end of the plane. Without thinking twice, he confidently walks past me in the tail, grabs by the shoulders a slender Asian woman in big round glasses, who I did not have possibility to carefully consider before, and begins to shake her.

«What the hell is going on here?! Are you at one with them? Sick motherfuckers, what the fuck is that?» he keeps swearing.

The girl babbles back and sobs loudly. Alex jumps up from his seat and runs up to him.

«She’s just the victim like us. She’s in shock, can’t you see? Get your hands off her!»

The athlete looks at Alex with bloodshot eyes and breathes heavily. At one point it seems that he will get into a fight. But instead, the athlete lets the Chinese woman go. The girl falls on Alex’s chest and grabs him with a death grip, continuing to sob loudly.

Behind her, Joleo firmly presses both hands to his chest, periodically rubs his high wrinkled forehead and mutters something inaudible, apparently in his own language.

A thin woman of about fifty, whom I had not noticed before, a neighbor of a Chinese woman, bent over, hugging her knees and crying soundlessly.

Apparently, the blonde is in a life-saving swoon. From my seat, I can only see her hand hanging lifeless from the chair. Planck stands next to her and tries to bring the girl to the senses by lightly patting her cheek.

An angelic-looking boy sits in the aisle of the plane and sobs shamelessly. Of course, this is not a boy. He is at least 25 years old. But golden curls, delicate skin and perfectly shaped lips and nose make him look more like a young angel. Large tears roll down the guy’s flawless face. Feeling embarrassed to look at him, I turn away, being myself not in the best condition. I also want to crawl to the floor and sob uncontrollably.