Nelli Davydova - Quit Quitting Smoking

Some of the focus group participants even told me, «Nelli, you haven’t reinvented the wheel. There is no point in reading this book since I won’t find anything new. I can’t quit. I’ve tried myriad times. It’s impossible.»

I’ve also read different books on how to quit smoking, but they were of no help either. I didn’t go further than a couple of chapters. I foresaw the narration and predicted the outcome like Nostradamus. No kidding, I thought I already knew what would follow next, just like a psychic. What was it all for? My third eye said it wouldn’t help anyway. I was desperate. I deluded myself into thinking this way.

My negative attitude towards any new information blocked positive changes. In fact, I didn’t know what would happen. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to learn something new. I only thought I knew everything. Before I picked up any book, I had already decided not to give myself a chance to quit smoking. This must be familiar to you too.

You may have even read these books to the end, and tried different ways to quit smoking, but nothing worked out. Then you surrendered and realized that you were doomed to smoke and live under stress forever.

I was a heavy smoker for more than 20 years. No matter how many times I tried to quit, I always proved to myself that there was no way out. Yes, I quit many times. I would refrain from it for a year. But I would end up smoking again. I guess every time you failed, you lost hope that one day you would break free.

I had a strong sense of guilt for not being able to put an end to it. And since I can’t stop it, it means, for some reason, I want to keep doing it. And, if I want to, I have to explain it to myself. After all, I’m not an idiot. These thoughts were spinning in my head.

By the way, just to get you motivated, I can proudly claim to be a 100% non-smoker now. And I didn’t have to quit smoking in the traditional sense. I neither suffered nor exercised my willpower. I managed to grasp the meaning of smoking: why we do it, and how our brain reacts to nicotine. After that, it took me just a minute to give up smoking forever. And from that moment on, I never experienced any cravings. People around me can freely smoke as much as they wish. I’m adamant about that very point. I will no longer put my neck into the noose. I have no regrets or thoughts about smoking.

But if I quit using my willpower, as I did before, I’d be stressed out for the rest of my life. «Oh, I don’t smoke, but I crave it,» I’d be constantly thinking about how not to smoke.

I acknowledged my thinking patterns and debunked all the myths. At that moment, I realized that from now on I would be a non-smoker and a free person. I easily got out of the trap, and you can do the same. Today, without putting it off for tomorrow. Or now or after finishing the book. It’s as simple as that, but you can hardly believe it so far.

Let’s talk about our brain work and thinking patterns.

I will get off the main topic for a while to elaborate on brain mechanisms and the world around us. Even if this chapter remains unclear to you, it’s okay. It won’t influence your decision on whether to quit smoking or not. If we cut this chapter from the book, it will not lose its relevance. But I love «blowing your mind,» so I will talk about it.

I don’t fit the mould of a typical coach and author. When writing, I neither try to comply with any standards nor stick to a particular style. I break the stereotypes, so let’s pretend we are having a friendly chat in the kitchen. If you wish, you can easily skip this chapter. But please don’t give up on reading the book. It will be much clearer later. With this chapter you will have a deeper understanding of everything that will follow next. I’ll try to explain this very difficult topic as clearly as possible.

So, our brain constantly and intricately weaves neural connections (our thoughts) into so-called «solitons», nodes of beliefs. These are, conventionally, sturdy structures with nerve impulses, electricity, running through them. These neural connections must «feed» themselves with energy to remain viable. The system must be strong and closed so that it can’t be destroyed. And it will demand our attention so that we feed it with our energy.

Soliton, or a system of neural connections, is one of our beliefs; faith in something. It’s a certain pattern that we stick to.

Imagine the ceaseless movement of electricity inside these connections. The more we convince ourselves of something, the stronger our neural connections become. Soliton can’t let anything destroy itself, and always pitches some thoughts to believe in. Our thinking makes these connections more stable and indestructible. Our attention and faith keep the soliton alive more than ever.

If our faith begins to weaken, we stop giving impetus and vital energy to that thinking pattern. This section of soliton starts to fight back to protect itself from being destroyed. And it starts pitching thoughts again to grab our attention and make us stick to our old strong beliefs, strengthening its connection. This is mirrored in real life: we start to generate actions and pay attention to what strengthens our old beliefs.

Our brain consists of neural connections. Its work is manifested by extensive neuronal sprouting. Each second, 400 billion neurons sprout «branches». Each «branch» is a thought, and each of them gives energy, producing an electromagnetic wave. It literally builds «the images» of the reality around us with photons (particles of light). To put it another way, it builds our world. Everything that we witness around us, this whole world, is a projection of our mind.

It may be hard to believe. This is all taken from quantum mechanics and is scientifically based. Scientists, including A. Einstein, D. Bell, E. Schrödinger, W. Pauli, and many others, verified it. And I don’t even doubt it, as I’m a fan of quantum mechanics.

The main idea is that a thought generates a feeling that is turned into an image by the brain. The brain makes a decision, and the external reality confirms it.

Solitons, the strong neural connections of the formed beliefs, keep themselves alive by pitching thoughts and generating the images of the world around us. We pay attention to these images and confirm them as our reality, thereby giving vital energy to a soliton.

When we come across new information that clashes with our beliefs, we start resisting and boiling with anger. It causes adrenaline to spike, the heart rate to increase, and the blood pressure to rise. These strong neural connections start a war with us so that in no way we destroy our belief. On a neural level, they react as if we’re being threatened. When I take a cigarette as an example, it will become more or less clear.

I bet you’re very resistant to this information now. «What? Brain? Creates? World around us? Come on. Not possible!»

At this point, the parts of your brain that are convinced of the opposite begin attacking and «building» reality in order to persuade us not to destroy our existing belief and to reaffirm our old truth. That’s why we always deny something new, changes in general.

We will hold on to our truth till the end, even realizing that it’s completely illogical and not satisfying anymore. I don’t like this truth, but I’m convinced. But remember that it’s the brain, and these are your thinking patterns. The ideas that have been formed by strong neural connections are rebelling. To destroy them, you will have to fight yourself, but it’s a faulty way. What’s more, it often doesn’t work since you will have to go through a lot of stress, which will be difficult to cope with. After all, the war with yourself always leads to an endless war that can end with nothing.