Сьюзен Мэллери - Summer Nights

He thought of all the times they’d been together. How they’d used protection. Condoms, which worked most of the time, but not always. He thought of her dancing on the bar at Jo’s and how she laughed and the way Khatar would literally break down walls to be with her. He thought of how he felt when he was around her and knew that as much as he wanted not to be played, he didn’t have a choice.

* * *

ANNABELLE WATCHED THE door anxiously. She’d had a steady stream of visitors, but had yet to see Shane. It was nearly six and she could smell the dinner trays being distributed. She’d barely touched the sandwich that the nurse had brought even though she knew it was important to eat. Yet all she could think of was that she wanted to see Shane.

And then he was there, walking into her room. Tall and handsome, everything she could want in a man. His gaze met hers.

“You scared the hell out of me,” he told her.

“Sorry. It wasn’t Khatar’s fault.”

“I know. I saw the snake. Or what’s left of it.”

“He was very brave and determined. The snake didn’t stand a chance. But I lost one of the stirrups and started slipping and then I was flying through the air. I don’t remember much after that.”

There was something in his eyes, she thought, feeling a little uneasy. Something about the way he was looking at her. She raised the bed a little, so she was sitting up.

“Shane? What is it?” She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but he didn’t look happy. “Is Khatar all right?”

“He’s fine. Rafe took him back to the ranch.” His gaze intensified. “All right, Annabelle, let’s get married.”

“What?” Her voice was breathless, as she did her best to grasp the words. “Married? What are you talking about?”

Because he wasn’t acting like a man out of his mind with love. He seemed…resigned. As if they’d been in a battle and he’d lost. But they hadn’t been. They didn’t fight. They weren’t that—

Oh, God. She’d told Dr. Galloway it was okay to talk to Shane. She’d meant it was okay to tell him she wasn’t hurt. But Dr. Galloway was a gynecologist. By definition, she would assume Annabelle meant the baby.

He wasn’t proposing, he was giving in. He was assuming she expected that if she was pregnant, she would want him to marry her. He was accepting responsibility. Because that’s what Shane did. The right thing.

He was an honorable man. A man who took care of his own. In his world, if a man got a woman pregnant, he married her. He would be her husband and the baby’s father and for the rest of his life, he would believe he’d been tricked into all of it.

It was as if everything she’d wanted, everything she’d dreamed of having, had been resting right there on the palm of her hand. All she had to do was close her fingers and she would have it forever.

She couldn’t even hate him, she thought, resigned to the inevitable. Because she loved his honor as much as she loved everything else about him. But forever duty wasn’t forever love. And she’d promised herself she was never going to settle again.

She was grateful to be in the bed because right now there was no way she could stay standing. Her legs felt weak and she hurt. Not just from the fall, but from the inside. Where her heart had already started to crack.

“While that’s a lovely invitation,” she told him, “thank you, but no. We won’t be getting married.”

“You’re having my baby.”

“That’s true. But one has nothing to do with the other.”

His mouth twisted. “You’re going to make me beg?”

“I’m not going to make you do anything, Shane. Yes, I’m pregnant. Obviously it’s yours. But that is the only relevant information on the table. I’m sorry Dr. Galloway was the one to tell you. I came out to the ranch this morning to talk to you myself. You were gone, so I took Khatar out. My plan was to tell you when you came back. This is what happened instead.” She kept her gaze steady. “Marriage is not on the table.”

His expression tightened. “You’re making this a game.”

“I’m not. I’m telling you that I didn’t deliberately get pregnant to trap you. I’m not that person.”

“You’re going to have the baby on your own?”

“Yes. I can do that. I can do a lot of things. I’m very capable.”

“And I just walk away?”

“You’ll do what you want,” she told him flatly. “The baby is a long way off. We have time to come up with a plan if you’re interested in shared custody or being a part of the child’s life. But understand this. I know what it’s like to be in a relationship based on assumptions and dreams rather than love and reality and I won’t be part of that again. I won’t live a lie.”

She willed him to see she was telling the truth. “Believe me when I tell you I won’t marry you, Shane. I won’t marry you because it’s the right thing to do or because of your sense of responsibility. That’s your problem, not mine. I want someone who loves me and needs to spend the rest of his life with me. I want a man to adore me the way Khatar does. I want messy, passionate love. I don’t care if it’s inconvenient. I want it all and I deserve it. What I don’t deserve is a man who has once again been caught in a situation that leaves him feeling trapped.”

Her throat tightened and her eyes began to burn. Tears were not far away and she didn’t want Shane to see her break down.

She swallowed. “You should go now.”

“We’re not done talking about this,” he told her.

“You’re wrong. About me and this situation. We’re completely and totally done.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHARLIE HELD HER CLOSE. Annabelle let her friend tell her everything was going to be okay, then sniffed and straightened.

“You know I don’t believe you,” she said, as she grabbed another tissue and wiped her face. “About any of it.”

Charlie looked stricken. “I know. I can’t help saying everything will be fine. What I’m thinking is Shane is a complete jerk and I should run him over with a fire truck.”

“Don’t. You’d go to jail and then I’d really be alone.” Annabelle gave a strangled sob. “How selfish is that?”

“It’s not. I appreciate you missing me.”

Annabelle nodded as more tears fell. “I would. You’re a good friend. I think you should brace yourself. I’m going to be a little needy for the next few months.”

“I’ll be here. I don’t scare that easily.”

“Are you mad about the baby?”

Charlie frowned. “Mad? Why would I be mad?”

“Because you’ve been talking to Dakota and Pia about IVF and maybe adopting and here I go and get pregnant.”

Charlie hugged her again. Strong arms held her tight, then released her. “That’s twisted, even for you. It’s not like there’s a limited number of babies and you took the last one. I can still have one, too. Or an older child. I haven’t decided. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“Thank you.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “I can’t tell you how much this hurts. All of it. Losing Shane, finding out he doesn’t believe in me, that in his mind, I’m still like his ex. How can that be?”

“You know it’s not about you, right?”

“What? Of course it’s about me.”

“No,” Charlie told her. “This is about Shane and his inability to trust. The pregnancy is a simple and easy way for him to express his deepest fears. It’s kind of good it happened sooner rather than later. Either he’d deal or he wouldn’t. And if he doesn’t…” She pressed her lips together. “Sorry. Sometimes I get too logical.”

Annabelle touched her hand. “You’re being a good friend and I appreciate that. You’re right. I don’t want to hear it, but I know you’re making sense. If Shane can’t get over Rachel, I need to know that.”