Jennifer Crusie - Faking It

“My sister is giving away her paintings to your best friend’s ex-lover so she can get his money back for him,” she said, fixing him with pale blue eyes that made him dizzy. “And you are a thief.”

“I’m not seeing the connection,” Simon said, beginning to reconsider his position on mothers.

She leaned toward him, lovely as Eve, hot as Louise, lethal in combination, and fixed him with those weird eyes. “Steal them for us,” she whispered, and for a moment, Simon felt light-headed. Get on that plane, you fool , he told himself.

“Certainly,” he said to Eve, and pushed the door open for her.

TILDA PUSHED her way to the back of the closet, still coping with the realization that Davy had stayed when he hadn’t had to. Maybe-

A hand pressed over her mouth and made her jerk. “I need you to be very quiet,” Davy said in her ear, and her body melted into relief as she turned to face him.

“I thought you’d left,” she whispered back, trying to keep her voice steady. “I thought you were on your way to Australia.”

“We have to work on your concept of me.” Davy bent and kissed her, all that heat on her mouth, in her mouth, everything she was afraid she’d never have again, and she grabbed onto his shirt and said, “ Don’t leave me .”

“I’m not going to.” He bent to kiss her again, and she gripped his shirt tighter.

“I mean ever , don’t ever leave me.” She tried to swallow some of her desperation. “I’m sorry, I know this is a huge turnoff-”

“Yeah,” Davy said, close to her mouth. “I hate it when women want me.”

“-but I really need you forever, the whole thing, for always-”

“You got me,” Davy said and kissed her again, and she breathed him in and felt lust and relief and gratitude, all at once, and wrapped herself around him.

“Maybe I’ll just take short trips,” Davy whispered, coming up for air, “so we can do this again.”

“We can do it without the trips.” Tilda went up on her toes to reach his face. “Anytime.”

“How about half an hour from now, your place?” Davy slid his hand down her back.

“How about now?” Tilda shuddered because he felt so good. “How about here? Oh, God, I can’t believe you’re here, I want you now.”

“Right, you and closets,” Davy whispered.

“We should build a closet in the attic,” Tilda said and bit his ear.

“Ouch,” Davy said, and tightened his arms around her.

“You are moving in, right?” Tilda whispered, pulling away a little. “We are living in the attic? You’re okay staying with my family?”

“Yes,” Davy said, but he seemed distracted. “I’m okay with the attic, the family, and you. Can you hear what they’re talking about out there?”

Tilda moved back to him. “The hell with them. Take me now.”

He leaned toward the closet door. “Believe me, I want to, but I think that’s Mason out there with Clea, so if you could-”

“Do we care ?” Tilda whispered, pressing closer.

“I don’t, but there may be some stuff going on out there I’m not getting.”

“I’ll give you some stuff.” She kissed his neck.

“Yes, you will. But-”

“Do me now, against this wall,” Tilda whispered, only half-kidding.

“Do you mind ?” somebody whispered, and Tilda jerked in surprise just as Davy tightened his grip on her.

“Rabbit?” Davy said, turning around in the dark.

“Your financial manager’s in this closet?” Tilda whispered.

“It’s bad enough I have to listen to what’s going on out there,” Rabbit said, his voice bleak with betrayal. “I don’t need to listen to people talking dirty in here.”

“You think that was dirty?” Davy said. “Rabbit, you have no idea-”

“I heard everything you said to her,” Rabbit said.

“I didn’t say anything dir-”

“That woman is a gold digger,” Rabbit said.

“Considering where her hand is, I don’t think my money is what she’s after.”

“He’s talking about Clea,” Tilda said to Davy.

“That’s all she ever wanted was the money,” Rabbit went on, pain in his voice.

“Oh, Clea,” Davy said. “Hell, yes, she’s a gold digger. You’re just noticing that now?”

“I loved her,” Rabbit said.

“Well, then it doesn’t matter,” Davy said. “Now could you leave? Because-”

“She just wanted the money,” Rabbit said sadly.

“Rabbit, you only want sex,” Davy said. “And God knows, Clea can deliver.”

“Hey,” Tilda said, “I can deliver.”

“Yes, you can, but not to Rabbit,” Davy said, and the door opened.

“What the hell is this?” Mason said.

“Hi, Mason,” Davy said. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, you have good closets.”

BY THE TIME they were all out of the closet, Mason was speechless, and Davy felt for him. It must have been like watching a clown car at the circus.

“What the hell is going on here?” Mason said.

“I think you had to be here,” Davy said.

“I can explain,” Clea said, and then looked at the three of them standing in front of her closet. “No, I can’t. I have no idea what’s going on.”

“Tilda,” Mason said. “Honey, what are you doing here?”

“Delivering paintings,” Tilda said. “Clea bought paintings for you, and she wanted it to be a surprise so… I hid.” She pointed to the case of paintings leaning against the bed. “See?”

“Paintings?” Mason said, cheering up.

Clea slipped her arm through his. “All six Scarlets, darling. They’re my wedding present to you.”

“That’s very generous of you, Clea,” Mason said, patting her hand but still looking at the paintings. “I know Gwennie will appreciate it, too.”

“Not your wedding to her ,” Clea snarled. “Your wedding to me .”

“I’m not marrying you,” Mason said. “What’s Davy Dempsey doing in your closet?”

“He came with me,” Tilda said. “He’s very protective.”

“What are you doing?” Davy said to Tilda. “Stop trying to save her. Let her rot.”

“And who is he?” Mason said, pointing to Ronald.

“I’m Clea’s lover,” Ronald said, looking betrayed. “But that’s all over. She’s only interested in money.”

“You have a lover?” Mason said to Clea.

“Not exactly,” Clea said, but then somebody banged on the door, and she brightened. “I’ll just get that.”

When she opened the door, Gwen was there, looking mad as hell. “Did you know your front door is standing open?” she said to Clea. “That’s dangerous. Anybody could get in here. Like a hit man .” Clea stepped back, and Gwen caught sight of Davy and pushed past her.

“Thank God, you’re alive,” she said to him.

“Gwennie!” Mason said, but she ignored him to concentrate on Davy.

“Listen, you have to get out of here,” she told him. “Clea sent Ford to kill you.”

“No I didn’t,” Clea said.

“He’s on his way,” Gwen said. “I delayed him for a little while, but then I fell asleep. He’s probably here already. You have to get out.”

“Thank you,” Davy said, disentangling her fingers from his shirt. “But that won’t be necessary.”

“You fell asleep?” Tilda said to Gwen. “Ford was coming to kill him and you fell asleep! What are you, narcoleptic?”

“It was probably the sex,” Davy said.

“Sex?” Mason said.

“He’s just being funny,” Tilda said to Mason.

“Ford’s going to kill you,” Gwen said to Davy, ignoring them both. “He has a gun. Clea has paid him to kill you and he’s not going to retire until he’s finished.”