Jennifer Crusie - The Unfortunate Miss Fortunes

Xan began to feel almost cheerful.

Maxine sneezed again.

‘Maxine, can’t you take something for that?’

‘Allergies,’ Maxine said. ‘I’ve always had ‘em, not the regular kind, the doc can’t figure out what I’m allergic to, but it’s worse in here.’

Magic, Xan realized. I picked the only person in Salem’s Fork who’s allergic to magic. She sighed. ‘Did you have something to tell me, Maxine?’

‘Yes. Did you know that Danny knew Dee in college?’

‘No, he did not.’

‘Well, he said he did,’ Maxine said, as if it were irrefutable.

‘He lied to you, Maxine.’

‘Really?’

‘Men do that. Was there anything else?’

‘Well, he’s not in love with her. I asked, and he said to give him time.’

Xan sat back. ‘You asked. He just got into town this morning, and you asked if he loved her.’ Maxine nodded. ‘I thought-’

‘Don’t think, Maxine. It’s not good for you.’ Xan took a deep breath. ‘Now that you’re here, I have a job for you.’

‘Okay,’ Maxine said. ‘You want me to slip him a love potion? I bet you make a great love po-’

‘Maxine, he’s her True Love. He doesn’t need a love potion. He’s destined to love her. They all are. I cast the spell to find their real loves. It’s fate. It’ll happen. Leave them alone.’

‘Right.’ Maxine nodded. ‘Got it. Still, a love potion. Couldn’t hurt.’

‘ Maxine.’

‘Don’t mess with fate. Right.’

‘Someone else is messing with fate,’ Xan said grimly, looking down at the Fortune house. After I expressly told him not to.’ You were supposed to take her powers, not teach her to use them, Elric, you double-crosser.

‘Whoa,’ Maxine said.

‘The bastard never does anything I want him to,’ Xan said, thinking of all the things she’d have liked Elric to do. ‘Oh,’ Maxine said knowingly. ‘A woman scorned.’

‘I beg your pardon,’ Xan said.

‘What a dummy,’ Maxine said, shaking her head. ‘You’d have thought he’d have gone for it. I mean, you’re no spring chicken, but you’ve definitely got it going on.’

‘Maxine, do you want to die a slow, agonizing death?’

‘No.’

Xan waited for a moment, but Maxine seemed to have gotten the point. ‘Lizzie is at home wearing an amethyst pendant. Get it from her and bring it to me.’

‘Amethyst…?’

‘Purple stone pendant. Get it.’

‘Okay.’ Maxine saluted. ‘Uh, Xantippe?’

‘No, you cannot give Danny and Dee a love potion.’

‘What about Mare?’

‘Jude already loves Mare. Go.’

‘What about Crash?’

Xan stared into the see glass, trying to find Elric. ‘Who?’

‘Mare’s old boyfriend. He’s a mechanic who’s living in Italy and he came back to town and proposed to her at the Greasy Fork at lunchtime.’

Xan turned her head slowly to look at Maxine, standing there in her diner uniform with maxine embroidered over her left pocket. She looked a little more full-breasted than usual and a lot more uneasy. ‘At lunchtime?’

‘In front of God and everybody. Mare stood up and announced it.’

And you waited until now to tell me because…?’

‘It was lunchtime,’ Maxine said, outraged. ‘We were busy. And then I forgot. But then Dee and Danny came in for drinks and dinner and I remembered and…’ She faltered. ‘You want me to do anything about Mare?’

‘No,’ Xan said. ‘Stay away from Mare. Stay away from Dee and Danny. Your job is to get the amethyst pendant away from Lizzie and stop by the video store and tell Jude-’

‘The one who looks like Jude Law?’

‘Yes, tell Jude to get to work on Mare, that he’s got competition. I’ll take care of Crunch.’

‘Crash.’

‘Whatever. Get that pendant and warn Jude.’ Maxine turned to go and Xan got a look at her chest in profile. ‘Maxine, what the hell are you wearing?’

‘Push-up bra,’ Maxine said, adjusting her breasts. ‘I’m making all the night waitresses wear them. We’ll get more customers.’

‘It’s a diner, Maxine, not the Salem’s Fork Hooters.’

‘I bet the tips go up.’ Maxine checked her watch. ‘My break’s over. Gotta go.’

She disappeared into the portal without so much as a

‘See ya,’ let alone a genuflect, and Xan thought about smiting her through the see glass and decided that being Maxine was probably punishment enough.

She looked back at the glass, worried now. Dee and Danny were still in the diner; she could see their heads bent close together over the table. They’d be fine, they were half in love now and would fall completely by Sunday.

The glow from the workroom window told her that Lizzie and Elric were there. She ignored a stab of jealousy to focus on the problem: Elric had no business teaching Lizzie to use her magic, but if Maxine got the amethyst it would slow down her learning curve so badly he might get frustrated and just take Lizzie’s power from her. And then take Lizzie, keeping her safe and powerless in Toledo. Xan felt a real twinge at that; being kept in Toledo by Elric would be dark and erotic and mesmerizing, and her hand slipped on the glass just thinking about it; maybe when she was young again – she closed her eyes at the thought, young again – maybe when she had the girls’ powers, Elric would look at her differently, but no, he was meant to be with Lizzie and there were other men, although none like Elric. But then, accidents could happen. And Lizzie might not make it through.

Of course she was going to do her best to see that the girls survived the loss of their powers. She was their aunt, after all – she only wanted the best for them. But Lizzie was already more frail than the other two…

No. Youth is enough. Youth and power. Who needs Elric?

And then there was Mare. Xan could see her through the hideous neon that filled the plate-glass windows of Value Video!!, Jude gazing at her adoringly. He really was attractive, Mare surely would prefer him over some mechanic named Crash. Loud, oblivious Mare, who never stopping clumping around shouting long enough to notice what was going on around her. She was going to be the easiest, if she’d just ignore the mechanic and take the vice president, who had to be far superior…

She looked down at the diner. Maxine was heading for Dee and Danny again.

It was damn difficult getting good help for a supernatural power snatch these days. The awe just wasn’t there. She glanced at the time and realized that Vincent would be there soon. It was damn difficult getting good supernatural lovers, too. It might almost be easier being human.

Don’t be ridiculous, she told herself, and double-locked the portal.

Dee picked at her mandarin chicken salad and wondered what the hell she’d been thinking. Dinner with Danny James, the most-sensual man she’d ever met? The very man who was threatening her with her past?

Who was she kidding? She’d been thinking that it was yet another Friday night in an endless series of Friday nights she’d sat home alone while Mare and Lizzie were off having normal social lives. But this one time, she had a chance to throw over the traces just a little. Just enough.

And she’d enjoyed this last hour. They’d talked about inconsequentials: Danny’s travels, small-town life in Salem’s Fork, popular culture, sports. And Danny had stayed so far away from his true purpose here that Dee had almost been able to think he’d asked her to dinner just because he wanted to spend time with her.

He finished wiping his hands with the red and white checked napkin and set it down. ‘Well, that was good,’ he said, leaning back in his seat. ‘I can’t remember when I had such a good dinner. Tough to find good burgers in France.’