Meg Cabot - Every Boy's Got One

Considering how deserted the town was, the secretario ’s reluctance to marry us seemed odd. There certainly didn’t appear to be much going on in the Comune di Diano San Pietro, the city hall. With the exception of ourselves, the white-haired secretario, our translator, and would-be best man, Ingo, the building was empty. It didn’t look to me like there were a lot of people banging down the doors of Diano San Pietro city officials demanding to be married.

And yet the secretario looked extremely unwilling even to entertain the idea of two Americans being wed in his village.

“You do not understand,” he entreated us in broken English. “We here in Italy take the institution of marriage very seriously. There is much to be done. There are many forms that must be filled out.”

That was when we handed him the Stato Libero we had filled out in the office of the Consulate General of Italy back in New York before we’d left for Europe. Signed by four witnesses unrelated either to us or to one another, we had been assured by the consulate that this declaration was the only form we would need in order for us to be married on our vacation in Italy.

But for good measure, we also relinquished our birth certificates, which we’d had translated into Italian, and our passports. Italians, we explained, as nicely as we could, were not the only people in the world who took the institution of marriage seriously.

The secretario took the forms from us with an expression of bewildered chagrin. This was clearly not what he needed an hour before his lunch break—his three -hour lunch break.

Non-Fabrication Number One:In Italy, everything really does shut down from twelve to three, just like in Every Boy’s Got One : banks; shops; grocery stores; you name it, all in an effort to allow employees to enjoy lunch with their families.

Muttering that he was going to have to speak to the mayor, the secretario disappeared into an inner office. When he returned moments later, it was in the company of a large man in a jogging suit, who was eating a somewhat messy salami and onion sandwich. This gentleman, it appeared, held the office of mayor of Diano San Pietro. He took one look at our paperwork and inquired, with a sigh, “Why can’t you just get married in Las Vegas like normal Americans?”

Non-Fabrication Number Two:He really did say that, just like in the book.

I’ll admit it: I’m wedding-phobic. I have nothing against marriage . It’s the shower-gown-registerbouquet-cake stuff that gives me the heebie-jeebies. I’m often beseeched by readers to write sequels to my contemporary novels that feature the wedding of such-and-such a character. The fact is, I can’t do it because I’ve never actually planned a wedding myself, and have no idea how one goes about doing so.

Eleven years ago—when our trip to the Comune di Diano San Pietro took place—I was twenty-six, and my husband-tobe, Benjamin, was the ripe old age of thirty-two: certainly old enough to know what we wanted—which was not a big wedding. And certainly not one in Vegas, the wedding capital of the world.

Non-Fabrication Number Three:Like the bride and groom in my book Every Boy’s Got One , Benjamin and I had decided to elope in Italy—only not because our parents disapproved of our relationship (like Holly and Mark), but because:

a) The idea of looking for a wedding gown actually gave me hives (Benjamin was the one who found the dress I eventually wore, a Bill Blass cocktail gown in white lace with black stripes and polka-dots that hit me just above the knee).

b) While both our families got along, the idea of all of them in one room together was daunting. We both come from very large broods, and, both of us being of Irish/Italian or Irish/Hungarian descent, there was always the possibility of a fistfight breaking out, and

c) Benjamin, like Cal, the hero of Every Boy’s Got One ( Non-fabrication Number Four) had some pretty negative opinions on the subject of marriage, and had often vowed never to marry at all. Since I’m all for marriage—just not weddings—this created an impasse in our relationship…for about a day. We were able to reach detente on the subject when our German friend Ingo suggested that if he were to get married, it would be in Italy, because it’s the most beautiful country in the world. Something about that appealed to Benjamin. And next thing I knew, we were filling out paperwork at the Italian consulate in Manhattan.

Eloping in Italy, back then, seemed the ideal solution to all of our problems… providing the Italian bureaucracy didn’t get in the way.

The mayor’s question about Las Vegas caused us to laugh nervously… until we realized he wasn’t kidding. Marrying Americans was apparently something the Comune di Diana San Pietro did not do often—in fact, they’d NEVER done it before.

And they weren’t very enthusiastic about making an exception for us.

I tried not to take it personally. It probably didn’t have anything to do with the fact that they were worried this was going to cut into their lunch hour. Right?

While we stood behind the railing that separated us from the secretario’s typewriter, our friend Ingo attempted to explain, in his excellent Italian, that the reason Benjamin and I couldn’t get married in Las Vegas like normal Americans was that we were not normal Americans. That both the groom and the bride were terrible romantics—that I, in fact, was a fan (though at that time, not yet an author) of romance novels, while Benjamin was a published poet—and that we had long ago decided that if we were ever going to get married, it would only be in the most romantic country in the world, Italy.

I stood there holding my breath, waiting to see if Ingo’s argument worked. It wouldn’t, of course, be the WORST thing if we didn’t end up coming home from Europe married. Neither Benjamin nor I had revealed our marriage plans to anyone except our four unrelated witnesses back in New York. Our plan was to return to the U.S. as a married couple, our wedding a fait accompli with which our doting families were going to have to cope… and which would relieve us of all responsibility of having to pick out china patterns or choose bridesmaid dresses. We could always, I figured, try again some other time….

But it wouldn’t be in Italy. As a poor graduate student (Benjamin) and administrative assistant (me), we’d blown all of our savings on this trip. We wouldn’t be able to make it back to Europe for some time.

To my relief, I could see first the secretario, and then the mayor, melting under Ingo’s eloquent argument (a miracle, considering how hungover he was after all the prosecco we’d consumed in our rented villa the night before— Non-Fabrication Number Five). Finally, with a frustrated sigh, the mayor laid down his sandwich and explained that he would marry us if:

a) We supplied a translator, approved by the Comune, who could tell us exactly what we were agreeing to when we said “si.”

b) We provided a “donation” to the “Children’s Fund.”

c)That we obtained additional paperwork, in the form ofcertificatos di cittadinanza from the Consulate General of the United States in Milan.

Since this last condition entailed a drive of approximately four hours each way, Milano being five hundred kilometers from Diano San Pietro—we argued strenuously against it, insisting that the Italian consulate in New York had said nothing of this additional form.

But the mayor remained firm. It was clear he thought we would bail on the whole thing if it meant an entire day’s drive. Because who in their right mind would give up a day of their vacation in Italy to drive back and forth to Milan? This would leave the Comune di Diana San Pietro free to do whatever it was they did all day when they were not marrying Americans… which appeared, to my eyes, to be very little.