Jennifer Crusie - GETTING RID OF BRADLEY

The dogs cocked their heads at her.

“Right. Just think how proud of us Tina will be.” Lucy opened the basement door. Then she pushed the chair to the doorway, shooing Maxwell away just in tune, and shoved the chair down the stairs. Halfway down, it hit the stair rail and broke through it, tumbling over the side of the steps to smash on the concrete below in a small cloud of dust.

“Independence Day,” Lucy said, and slammed the door.

“So then she said, ‘You mean that hood is following my sister?’ and tried to take off after you,” Anthony told Zack an hour later. They were back in the squad room, their feet propped up on their desks in the thin warmth of the dusty late-afternoon sunlight that filtered through the dirty windows. “I almost let her have you. I was hoping she’d rip that damn jacket off you and shred it. But then I remembered you were my partner, and I saved you.”

“Thank you.” Zack was stretched out in his desk chair, feeling every bruise that Lucy had given him that afternoon. “I gather she did finally talk to you?”

“Of course.”

“There’s no ‘Of course’ about it,” Zack said. “Lucy told me about her sister. You’re lucky you’re still in one piece.”

“We had coffee in the diner.” Anthony stretched and put his hands behind his head. “She was no problem at all.”

“You get the mean one, and she drinks coffee from your hand. I get the nice one, and she tries to beat the tar out of me. God, to have your luck.”

“It’s not luck. It’s charm,” Anthony said. “You don’t have any.”

Zack gave up. “So what does Tina Savage know about Bradley Porter?”

“That he’s a womanizing, weak-kneed, slime-covered scum who made her sister cry, so he should be shot, strangled, drawn, quartered, and castrated. I don’t think she likes him at all.”

Zack scowled. “He made Lucy cry? I’m with her, then.”

“But the problem is…”

“He’s not our Bradley.” Zack nodded. “I know. Lucy explained that. I’d hoped for a while there was a chance he might be, but she says it’s no-go.”

“I know,” Anthony said. “But I floated the possibility by the sister anyway, just to see what she’d say.”

“And?”

Anthony grinned. “Oh, she’s in favor of it. The thought of Bradley in jail for bigamy, embezzlement and tax fraud perked her right up. She was completely cordial by the time she’d thought it through.” Anthony shook his head. “This is a waste of time, Zack. Granted somebody shot at you today, that still doesn’t necessarily tie Lucy Savage’s Bradley Porter with our John Bradley.”

Zack scowled. “He’s not Lucy’s Bradley. He’s nobody’s Bradley, the rat. And there’s got to be a tie. Come on, Tony. We get a tip that John Bradley’s going to be at the diner, and Bradley Porter asks Lucy to meet him there on the same day? That’s too much of a coincidence.”

“Maybe.” Anthony leaned back. “I’m not convinced.”

Zack stared at the ceiling while he thought. “So what have we got? We’ve got John Bradley somewhere in the city with a million and a half in embezzled government bonds. We’ve got Bradley Porter somewhere in the city with an unidentified blonde. We’ve got an unidentified female caller who tips us that John Bradley will be at the diner. We’ve got Bradley Porter’s letter to Lucy telling her to meet him at the diner, or we will have as soon as she remembers what she did with it. And we’ve got somebody shooting at Lucy.”

“Or you,” Anthony put in. “Don’t underestimate your unpopularity.”

“Or me,” Zack amended. “Hell of a coincidence, though, to get shot at when Lucy’s right beside me. So what have we got?”

“We have nothing.”

“The two Bradleys have got to be in it together,” Zack said.

“I suppose it’s remotely possible,” Anthony said. “If Bradley Porter is keeping a blonde on the side, he could probably use a couple of government bonds. But it’s hard to believe that John Bradley would steal the bonds in California and then come clear out here to share with Bradley Porter out of the goodness of his heart.”

“Blackmail?”

“Let’s not make this any more complicated than it already is. Here’s a good question. Why would somebody try to shoot Lucy?”

“Bradley’s mad at her about the divorce,” Zack said.

“So he shoots at her on the street? I don’t think so.”

“Here’s a better one. Why is somebody trying to break into Lucy’s house?”

Anthony jerked his head up, suddenly interested. “Somebody’s trying to break into her house?”

“There are scratches on her locks, and the next-door neighbor saw somebody sneaking around the house. Granted, the next-door neighbor is not totally wired, but even so, if she says she saw somebody, I bet she did.”

“You interviewed the next-door neighbor?”

“No.” Zack looked pained. “She won’t talk to me. She thinks I’m a punk. I had the patrolman ask her.”

“A punk. That’s not so bad.” Anthony grinned at him. “At least punks are young.”

“Thank you.”

“So you think somebody’s trying to break in to get Lucy?” Anthony shook his head. “That doesn’t make sense. There are a hundred easier ways to grab somebody than breaking into a house. Hell, you grabbed her on the street today.” Anthony looked at Zack’s lip. “Well, it might not be that easy. She does seem to have a fairly healthy sense of self-preservation.”

Zack gave him a dirty look. “I was trying not to hurt her. If I’d wanted her, I’d have had her. Hell, anybody could have grabbed her.”

“So they’re breaking in for something else.” Anthony leaned back in his chair. “Like to get a million and a half in government bonds that John Bradley gave to Bradley Porter who put them in the silverware drawer and then forgot to take with him when Lucy kicked him out? I don’t think so.”

“Wait a minute.” Zack swung his chair around and planted his feet back on the floor. “He couldn’t get in. Tina put locks on. She wouldn’t let him in.”

“So he just went meekly away and left a million and a half there? No,” Anthony said. “I bow to no one in my respect for Tina Savage’s temper, but I’d walk over her in a minute if it meant a million and a half. Particularly a million and a half that could put me away if somebody else found it. Like my ex-wife. No.”

“Something’s in that house, and the two Bradleys are involved.” Zack drummed his fingers on the desk. “I’ve got to get her out of that house until we find it. Only the dummy won’t go.”

“Can’t she stay with her sister for a while?”

“No. She won’t go without Einstein and Heisenburg and Whosis. She won’t budge at all.” His scowl changed suddenly. “At least I hope she hasn’t budged.”

“Einstein?” Anthony said, but Zack ignored him to flip through his notebook until he found the page he wanted and then dialed the number he’d found.

“Lucy? This is Zack Warren.” He listened for a moment. “I’m fine, thanks. I was just checking to make sure you hadn’t gone out.” He listened again, looking exasperated. “No, I don’t trust you. Because you’re a flake, that’s why. Now, listen, did Bradley leave any papers behind? He did? Have you looked at them? Great. Did you find any official-looking certificates? No, I’m not patronizing you. Did you find any government bonds? A lot of them. About a hundred of fifty, to be exact. Oh.”

He covered the receiver and spoke to Anthony. “She packed up all his stuff. No bonds.”

“I gathered that,” Anthony said. “Maybe he hid them. Did she check the cookie jar?”