Jennifer Crusie - Manhunting

“We can only hope,” Kate said. Her bathing suit was an old black one-piece, years out of style but hardly worn. She put on white slacks and a white shirt over it, tying the shirttails in a knot on her stomach.

“That’s it?” Penny asked.

“That’s it.”

“That’s kind of plain,” Penny said.

“That’s the kind of woman I am,” Kate said. “Plain. Let’s go.”

Penny hesitated, frowning. “Don’t you want to let your hair down or something? I mean, this is a luau.”

“No,” Kate said evenly. “I like it up.”

“Well, you don’t look very relaxed.”

“This is as relaxed as I get,” she said.

“Okay,” Penny said, shaking her head. “Maybe you’ll feel better after a couple of drinks.”

“Don’t count on it,” Kate said.

The luau, when they got there, was everything she’d feared and more.

The grounds around the hotel were packed with people in various stages of excitement and inebriation, dressed in various interpretations of what the well-dressed vacationer should wear to a luau. Hawaiian shirts dominated, but there was also a healthy contingent of sarongs and one grass skirt. The guy in the grass skirt didn’t have the legs for it.

People clustered at round redwood tables, laughing uproariously at each other’s jokes. Small children ran by, shrieking, chasing each other with pineapple-punch drinks. Overfriendly couples danced badly to the Beach Boys. A huge dead animal was turning on a spit as people lined up to accept chunks of its overcooked flesh. The air smelled of suntan lotion and burned meat.

“Isn’t this terrific?” Penny glowed with excitement.

Kate looked around, horrified. “Where did all these people come from? They can’t be all from the hotel.”

“They come from all around.” Penny waved to someone. “The hotel does this every month during the summer on the third Saturday night. Isn’t it great? See the tall guy with the dark hair over there beside the pig roast?”

“That’s a pig?”

“That’s Will. Remember? From the desk? I thought he was just a clerk, but he’s the owner. I think he’s dishy.”

“Go for it,” Kate said, looking around for a bar. There had to be one. People couldn’t be behaving this badly without alcohol.

“The dark guy in the red shirt is Eric Allingham. He’s loaded.” Penny waved to someone else. “Money all over the place.”

“Go for it.” There had to be a bar somewhere.

“He’s not my type.”

“You’re not interested in money?”

“Why would I be interested in money?” Penny asked “I’m getting married.”

Kate was startled, but when she considered it, Penny made sense, if you accepted the basic proposition that dating around a month before you got married was a sound idea.

“Sorry.” Kate shook her head. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“The blond guy in the Izod shirt is cute, though. His name is Lance something.”

“How did you learn all this?”

“Oh, I sat in the lobby and talked to people while I was waiting for the bellboy. People here are really friendly.”

“Great,” Kate said. “I don’t suppose you know where they put the bar for this event?”

“It’s out by the pool.”

“Lead me there.”

The pool was inside a high-hedged enclosure. Tiled in blue and white, it reflected the Japanese lanterns strung overhead. The bar, a long counter trimmed with grass matting, was presided over by an efficient red-haired college-age boy in a white shirt and a pink lei. He looked as if he could have done without the lei. His bar was doing a brisk business in middle-aged men who welcomed Penny as if she were a large dry martini. Penny was surrounded, and Kate waited for a turn at the bar for both of them.

“What’ll it be, ma’am?”

“Penny.” Kate reached out her hand and hauled her into the crush. “Meet the bartender. What’s your name?”

“Mark.” The bartender smiled broadly at Penny.

“This is Penny, Mark,” Kate said. “I’ll have a double Scotch. She’ll let you know what she wants.”

“She can have anything I’ve got,” Mark said.

“You sweet thing,” Penny said.

The start of another beautiful relationship. Kate shook her head. I may have to take lessons from this girl.

She took her drink and wandered over to the pool where she rolled up her pant legs and sat on the edge, dangling her feet in the water, sipping her drink, and inhaling the chlorine along with the cool evening air. I have such a bad attitude, she thought. Probably because, unlike Penny, I really don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be alone anymore, but I don’t want to go out and cold-bloodedly look for a man, either. What I really want is the fairy tale where Prince Charming just appears out of nowhere and sweeps me off my feet and takes me… where? To his condominium, conveniently located close to his thriving business? So much for romance, Kate.

She was laughing quietly at herself when a man appeared out of nowhere and sat down on the other side of her. He was balding, overweight and overdrunk, and he was wearing six leis.

“Hello, pretty lady sitting here all alone.”

“Hello,” Kate said, edging away.

“I’m Frank,” he said, putting his arm around her.

“And Earnest, too, I imagine,” she said, removing his arm.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mark signal to someone outside the enclosure.

“I’ve been looking all over for you, honey.”

“Why?” Kate asked. “Have we met?”

“Only in my dreams.”

“Get new dreams.”

Kate stood, trying to gently but firmly push him away as she did, but Frank grabbed her hand and got up, too. It took him a while, and Kate would have wandered politely away during the struggle but he held on to her with fingers of steel until he finally lunged nose-to-nose with her.

“Do you know what you need?” he breathed. “You need a lei.” He laughed uproariously. “A lay. Get it?”

He tried to take off one of his leis and almost strangled himself.

“No.” Kate pulled her hand from his and turned to walk away. “I’m not interested in a lei.”

“You’re not saying no to me, are you?” Frank asked roguishly, catching her arm.

“Over and over again,” Kate assured him, trying to pry his fingers off her.

“Good.” He pulled her closer. “I love a feisty woman.”

Kate turned eyes like razors on him.

Jake saw Mark’s wave and came into the enclosure in time to see Frank pulling drunkenly on Kate.

Oh, great. Now he’d have her complaining to Will about the quality of the guests. He watched her try to fend Frank off and admitted to himself that she’d have a point if she did. He sighed and moved up behind them in time to hear Frank take her arm and say, “I love a feisty woman.”

“How would you like to be a soprano?” Kate asked him, and Jake intervened.

“How’s it going, Frank?” Jake clapped him on the shoulder and yanked him away from Kate.

“Jake, old buddy.” Frank leaned into him. “I should have known if there was a good-looking woman around, you’d be there.” He attempted to punch Jake on the shoulder and missed him by a good inch. Jake turned him gently around toward the pig roast.

“Lots of pretty women out there, Frank.”

“Sorry, Jake. Didn’t know this one was yours.” Frank wiggled his fingers at Kate and ambled off while they watched him.

“Thank you,” Kate said. “You’re a very tactful bouncer.”

“Well, we aim to please,” Jake said. “Besides, I was afraid you were going to hurt him.”

“That was my plan,” Kate said. “Your way was better.” She smiled up at him gratefully, and Jake was startled by how human she looked. A little too human. He stepped back, but she’d turned away and was watching Frank stagger out of the enclosure.