Нора Робертс - Chasing Fire

“It’s okay. I’m just... I feel like I have to, to represent Jim, you know? I don’t want to, but... the baby.” He shoved at his floppy, sun-bleached hair with his fingers. “I almost wish we were still out on the fire, so I couldn’t go.”

“Get somebody to go with you. Janis packed out with us, or Cards would go if he’s up to it. Or—”

“L.B.’s going.” Matt stuck his hands in his pockets, pulled them out again to tap his fingers on his thigh. It reminded her painfully of Jim. “And Marg and Lynn.”

“Okay then.” She walked over, fussed with his tie though it didn’t need it. “You’re doing the right thing by your family by going. If you want to talk later, or just hang out, I’ll be around.”

“Thanks.” He put a hand over hers until she met his eyes. “Thanks, Rowan. I know she caused you a lot of trouble.”

“It doesn’t matter. Matt, it really doesn’t. It’s a hard day for a lot of people. That’s what matters.”

He gave her hand one hard squeeze. “I’d better get going.”

She changed direction when he left, headed to the lounge. Cards sprawled on the sofa watching one of the soaps on TV.

“This girl’s telling this guy she’s knocked up, even though she’s not, because he’s in love with her sister but banged her—the one who’s not knocked up—when she put something in his drink when she went over to his place to tell him the sister was cheating on him, which she wasn’t.”

He slugged down some Gatorade. “Women suck.”

“Hey.”

“Fact is fact,” he said grimly. “So I’m riveted. I could get hooked on this stuff taking my afternoon, medically ordered lie-down. I get to malinger for another day while I get pretty again.”

She sat, studied the bandage over his cheek. “I don’t know. The hole in your face added interest, and it would’ve distracted from the fact your eyes are too close together.”

“I have the eyes of an angel. And a hawk. An angel hawk.”

“Matt’s leaving to go to Dolly’s funeral.”

“Yeah, I know. He’s wearing Yangtree’s tie.”

“We should get a couple more of the guys to go with him. Libby’s still on mop-up, but Janis packed out.”

“Let it be, Ro. You can’t fix every damn thing.”

He hissed through his teeth when she said nothing. “Look, L.B.’s going to stand for the base, and Marg and Lynn, because they worked with her. Matt, well, he’s like kin now with Jim’s baby and all. But L.B. and I talked about it. The way things ended up here with Dolly, it’s probably best to keep it to a minimum. Probably be easier on Dolly’s mom.”

“Probably,” she agreed, but frowned as she studied him. She knew that face, with or without the hole, and those big camel eyes. “What’s up?”

“Nothing except your interrupting my soap opera. Orchid’s going to get hers when Payton finds out she’s been playing him for a sap.”

She knew a brood when she was sitting next to one. “You’re sulking.”

“I’ve got a frigging hole in my face and I’m watching soap operas, then you come along and start carping about dead Dolly and funerals.” He shot her a single hot look. “Go find somebody else to rag on.”

“Fine.”

She shoved up.

“Women suck,” he repeated with a baffled bitterness that had her easing down again. “We’re better off without them.”

She opted not to remind him she happened to be a woman. “Altogether, or one in particular?”

“You know the one I hooked up with last winter.”

Since he’d mentioned her about a hundred times, shown off her picture, Rowan had a pretty good idea. “Vicki, sure.”

“She was coming out in a couple weeks, with the kids. I was getting a few days off to show her around. The kids were all juiced up to see the base.”

Were , Rowan thought. “What happened?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know. She changed her mind, that’s all. She doesn’t think it’s a good idea—I’ve got my life, she’s got hers. She dumped me; that’s it. She won’t even tell me why, exactly, just how she has to think of the kids, how she needs a stable, honest relationship and all that shit.”

He turned, aiming those angry, baffled eyes at Rowan. “I never lied to her, that’s the thing. I told her how it was, and she said she was okay with it. Even that she was proud of what I did. Now she’s done, just like that. Pissed off, too. And... she cried. What the hell did I do?”

“I guess... the theory of being attached to somebody who does what we do is different from the reality. It’s hard.”

“So I’m supposed to give it up? Do something else? Be something else? That’s not right.”

“No, it’s not right.”

“I was going to ask her to marry me when she came out.”

“Hell. I’m sorry.”

“She won’t even talk to me now. I keep leaving messages, and she won’t answer. She won’t let me talk to the kids. I’m crazy about those kids.”

“Write her a letter.”

“Do what?”

“Nobody writes letters anymore. Write her a letter. Tell her how you feel. Lay it all out.”

“Shit, I’m not good at that.”

“And that’ll make it even better. If you’re hung up enough to want to marry her, you can write a damn letter.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Hell.”

“Women suck.”

“Tell me about it. Write a letter,” he repeated, brooded into his Gatorade. “Maybe. Talk about something else. If I keep talking about her, I’m going to try to call her again. It’s humiliating.”

“How about those Cubs?”

He snorted. “I need more than baseball to get my mind off heartbreak, especially since the Cubbies suck more than women this year. We’ve got murder, and fire starters. I heard there was another one, another body. And whoever did it started the fire. The cops better catch this bastard before he burns half of western Montana. We can all use the fat wallet, but nobody wants to earn it that way.”

“He got a good chunk of Idaho, too. It’s scary,” she said because they were alone. “We know fire wants to kill us when we’re going there. We know nature couldn’t give a damn either way. But going in, knowing there’s somebody out there killing people and lighting it up who maybe wants to see some of us burn. Maybe doesn’t give a shit either way. That’s scary. It’s scary not knowing if he’s done, or if the next time the siren sounds, it’s because of him.”

She looked over as Gull came in. “What did the cops say?” she demanded.

“It’s not official, but it’s a pretty good bet what we found out there is what’s left of Reverend Latterly.”

Cards bolted up. “The priest?”

“Loosely.” Gull dropped down in a chair. “They found his car out there, and nobody can find him. So, either we did, or he’s taken off. They’re going to be talking to Brakeman after the funeral.”

“They think he killed him and burned him up?” Cards said. “But... wouldn’t that mean... or do they think he killed Dolly and—Her own father? Come on.”

“I don’t know what they think.”

“What do you think?” Rowan asked him.

“I’m still working on it. So far I think we’ve got somebody who’s seriously pissed off, and likes fire. I’ve got to clean up.”

Rowan followed him into his quarters. “Why do you say ‘likes fire’? Using it’s not the same as liking it.”

“I guess since you’re dressed—and you look good, by the way—you’re not going to wash my back.”

“No. Why do you say ‘likes fire’?”

Gull pulled off his shirt. “I increased my passing acquaintance with arson after Dolly.”

“Yeah, you study. It’s a thing with you.”

“I like to learn. Anyway,” he continued, dragging off his boots. “Arsonists usually fall into camps. There’s your for-profit—somebody burning property to collect insurance, say, or the torch who lights them up for a fee. That’s not this.”