Cooper Jilly: Emily

The fire had been re-lit in the grate. The scent of freesias was stronger than ever. Walter Scott lay sprawled across my feet. It was such a pretty room. For a moment I wallowed in the voluptuous euphoria created by the sleeping pills, then, bit by bit, the events of the last night came filtering back. Coco’s sister arriving and then that glorious Russian turning out to be Rory’s father, and Rory not being Marina’s brother after all, and there being nothing now to stop them getting married — and having hordes of ravishing black-eyed, red-haired children or ravishing blue-eyed, black-haired children. Oh, God, God, God, I writhed on the pillow — a bad business paid only with agony.

What the hell was I to do next? The last month had been difficult certainly, Rory and I living together with no sex, but at least we’d had a few laughs, and I felt somehow that even if he didn’t love me in the white-hot way he loved Marina, he was making very real efforts to make a go of it. Then Marina’s words of yesterday came back to me: ‘If he weren’t my brother, he’d drop you like a hot coal.’

I lay feeling suicidal for a bit, then got up and drew back the curtains. It was a marvellous day, the sea sparkling, the larches waving their pale green branches against an angelically blue sky. I felt the sun warming my hair and smoothing away the marks of the sheets on my skin.

Buster, hearing the curtains draw, looked up. I moved out of range and examined my body in the mirror. The only advantage about being miserable is you do lose weight. For a minute I forgot my gloom and admired my flat stomach and my ribs, then I sucked in my cheeks, and putting on a haughty model’s face, stood up on my toes.

‘Very nice,’ said a voice at the door, ‘you’ll make the gatefold of Playboy yet.’ It was Rory. I gave a squeak of embarrassment and grabbed a towel to cover myself. ‘Don’t,’ he said, shutting the door. He looked extremely pleased with himself. I wondered, with a flash of despair, if he’d spent the night celebrating with Marina.

‘You look better,’ he said, coming towards me. I backed away.

‘Oh for God’s sake, Em, stop behaving like a frightened horse.’

He was wearing a dark blue sweater, and an old pair of paint-stained jeans; his hair was ruffled by the wind: he looked so unspeakably handsome, I felt my entrails go liquid. I lowered my eyes in case he read the absolutely blatant desire there. I wanted him so much I had to turn away and jump back into bed, pulling the sheets up to my neck.

‘That’s a good girl,’ said Rory. ‘It seems a pity to get up on such a lovely day.’

‘Where is everyone?’ I asked.

‘Wandering around the house in various stages of undress, groaning about their hangovers.’ He sat down on the bed and lit a cigarette. ‘Do you still feel sick, does the smoke worry you?’

I shook my head in surprise, fancy Rory bothering to ask that.

‘How are you getting on, adjusting to your new — er — father?’ I baulked on the word.

Rory grinned. ‘I quite like him, but he’s an old phoney; he’s already tried to borrow money off me, but then my mother always did have frightful taste in men. I’m very glad he didn’t bring me up, I’d have been cooling my heels in Broadmoor by now.’

‘Is he as grand as he makes out?’ I said.

‘I don’t think so, he looks degenerate enough, but I don’t believe those claims about tracing his ancestry back to Peter the Great. It does appear in fact that I’ve been born on the wrong side of an awful lot of blankets. Do you mind having an illegitimate husband?’

‘Do you mind?’ I said cagily.

‘Not at all, I never understood how Hector could be related to me anyway. His favourite painter was Peter Scott. There’s only one slight problem now to tax the ingenuity of the family solicitor. Have I any right any more to Hector’s money?’

‘Are you worried about it?’

‘Not particularly, I quite like the thought of starving in a garret.’ He shot me a glance under his eyelashes. ‘How about you?’

‘I haven’t tried it,’ I said carefully. ‘How’s your mother taking it?’

‘Medium. I think she’s a bit put out. Buster and Alexei have taken to each other like drakes to water, great bounders think alike I suppose. Alexei, like all foreigners, has a great reverence for English upper-class institutions. His ambition, like Buster’s, is to murder as much wildlife as he can. He’s so heartbroken the grouse shooting season is over that Buster has promised to take him pigeon shooting this afternoon.’

‘Are you going?’ I said.

‘I might — for a laugh. So my mother is rather irritated about the whole thing. She’s not gaining an ex-lover, she’s losing a husband. Alexei is between marriages at the moment, I think he and Buster might do very well together.’

‘But he’s old enough to be Buster’s father,’ I said.

‘Probably is, if I know that lot,’ said Rory. I burst out laughing. Rory took my hand. ‘You haven’t laughed much lately, Em. I think we ought to have a talk.’

I snatched my hand away, ‘People always say that,’ I said in a trembling voice, ‘when they’re about to say something awful.’

‘I’ve made you very unhappy since I married you, haven’t I?’ said Rory. ‘I’m sorry, you must have had a pretty bloody six months.’

Panic swept over me. ‘Come on,’ he said in an exaggeratedly gentle voice, ‘come here.’ He held out his arms to me.

‘No,’ I said desperately, ‘no, no, no.’

I knew exactly what he was about to say, that he’d made me so unhappy I obviously didn’t want to stay married to him any longer, so why didn’t we have an amicable divorce? If he touched me, I knew I’d cry.

‘Is it that bad?’ he said.

I nodded, biting my lip.

‘I gather Finn Maclean was round to see you yesterday,’ he said in a flat voice. ‘Are you still hooked on him — come on, I want the truth.’

I felt defeated, my eyes filled with tears. There was a knock on the door. ‘Go away,’ howled Rory. In walked Finn. ‘My God,’ exploded Rory, ‘why the hell can’t you ever leave us alone? What do you mean by barging in here, who the hell asked you?’

‘I’ve come to have a look at Emily,’ said Finn.

‘You’ve had a bloody sight too many looks at Emily recently,’ said Rory.

‘She happens to be a patient of mine.’

‘Among other things,’ said Rory. ‘She’s perfectly all right.’

‘She looks it,’ said Finn. He bent down to stroke Walter Scott who thumped his tail noisily on the floor.

‘And stop sucking up to my dog,’ snarled Rory.

‘Oh, please,’ I said, ‘leave Finn and me for a few minutes.’

Rory scowled at both of us. ‘All right,’ he said, going towards the door, ‘but if you put a finger wrong, Finn, I’ll report you to the medical council and get you struck off the register.’ And he slammed the door so hard, all the windows rattled.

Finn raised an eyebrow. ‘What was that little tantrum in aid of?’

‘He was trying to give me the sack,’ I said miserably. ‘And you interrupted him. You’ve heard that his real father’s turned up?’

Finn nodded.

‘So there’s nothing to stop Rory and Marina now.’

‘It’s not going to be as easy as that, there’s Hamish to be considered. I doubt if he’ll give Marina a divorce.’

‘It’s funny,’ I said, feeling very ashamed of myself, ‘none of us ever thinks of Hamish, do we?’

Finn gave me some tranquillizers. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘I’m off to a conference in Glasgow this afternoon. I’d cancel it, but I’ve got to speak. I’m not too happy about the current situation. Marina’s in a highly overwrought state. So, obviously, is Rory, and I’m worried about Hamish. I want you to stay in bed today. I’ll be staying at the Kings Hotel tonight, don’t hesitate to ring me if you need me. Here’s the telephone number.’ He dropped a kiss on the top of my head. ‘Don’t look so miserable, little one, things will sort themselves out.’