Jilly Cooper - Polo

Finally, I would like to pay tribute to all the gallant ponies who take part in the game and to the grooms who spend such long hours looking after them.

BART ALDERTON: An American airplane billionaire. Polo patron of the Alderton Flyers.

GRACE ALDERTON: His second wife.

LUKE ALDERTON: Bart's son by his first wife. A professional polo player.

RED ALDERTON: Bart's and Grace's son. An unprofessional polo player.

BIBI ALDERTON: Bart's and Grace's daughter – a poor little rich girl.

THE HONOURABLE BASIL: English polo player, BADDINGHAM: jack of all trades.

PHILIP BAGLEY: A vet.

DREW BENEDICT: English polo player and a dashing Captain in the Welsh Guards.

SUKEY BENEDICT: His wife. An English heiress and jolly good sort.

JAMES BENSON: A smooth private doctor.

MRS BODKIN: Rupert Campbell-Black's housekeeper.

MARGIE BRIDGWATER: An American lawyer.

JAIME CALAVESSI: An Argentine polo player.

RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK: Show-jumping ace, later MP for Chalford and Bisley and Minister for Sport.

TABITHA CAMPBELL-BLACK: His daughter.

BRIGADIER CANFORD: Chairman of the Pony Club and later of the British Polo Association.

DOMMIE AND SEB CARLISLE: English polo players – known as the Heavenly Twins.

WINSTON CHALMERS: A shit-hot American lawyer.

LUCY CHALMERS: His ravishing much younger wife.

DORIS CHOW: A Chinese hooker.

KEVIN COLEY: A petfood billionaire and polo patron of Doggie Dins.

ENID COLEY: His awful wife.

TRACE COLEY: His daughter.

CONCHITA: Bart Alderton's maid.

CAMERON COOK: Director of Programmes at Corinium Television.

JACKIE COSGRAVE: Hippy painter and art lecturer. Also proficient in the art of lechery.

BRAD DILLON: Team manager of the American polo team.

RICKY FRANCE-LYNCH: A nine-goal English polo player, nicknamed El Orgulloso – the proud one – by the other players.

CHESSIE FRANCE-LYNCH: His bored, but exquisitely beautiful, wife.

WILLIAM FRANCE-LYNCH: Their three-year-old son.

HERBERT FRANCE-LYNCH: Ricky's father. A tartar and former nine-goal polo player.

FRANCES: Ricky France-Lynch's head groom.

DINO FERRANTI: American show-jumper. Sales Director of Ferranti's Inc.

BOBBY FERRARO: An American polo player.

COMMANDER 'FATTY': Club Secretary of Rutshire HARRIS: Polo Club.

SIMPSON HASTINGS: A lethal American journalist.

PAUL HEDLEY: A member of the crack South Sussex Pony Club team.

BRIGADIER HUGHIE: Chairman of Rutshire Polo Club and the club bore.

MRS HUGHIE: His wife.

INOCENTA: A misnamed Argentine beauty.

JESUS: A nine-goal Chilean polo player given to telephonitis and treble-dating patrons.

JOEL: Ricky France-Lynch's farm manager.

BEATTIE JOHNSON: A seductive, unprincipled, Fleet Street columnist.

JOSÉ: A glamorous Mexican ringer.

VICTOR KAPUTNIK: A Hungarian pharmaceutical billionaire, patron of the Kaputnik Tigers.

SHARON KAPUTNIK: A nymphomaniac night-club hostess later married to Victor.

MARMADUKE KEMPTON: A tobacco baron.

AURIEL KINGHAM: A very famous American film star.

MISS LEDITSKY: Bart Alderton's secretary.

BILLY LLOYD-FOXE: Ex-England show-jumper and BBC Sports Presenter.

JANEY LLOYD-FOXE: A national newspaper columnist.

MISS LODSWORTH: Commissioner for Rutshire Girl Guides, hoary polo groupie and a rip-roaring busybody.

JUSTIN AND PATRICK

LOMBARD: Brothers and members of Rutshire Pony Club polo team.

LOUISA: One of Ricky France-Lynch's grooms.

HAMISH MACLEOD: A television producer.

DAISY MACLEOD: His wife, a painter.

PERDITA MACLEOD: Daisy's daughter.

VIOLET MACLEOD: Hamish's and Daisy's daughter.

EDDIE MACLEOD: Hamish's and Daisy's son.

BRIDGET MACLEOD: Hamish's mother, an absolute bitch.

'DANCER' MAITLAND: A cockney rock star. Lead singer of Apocalypse.

LIONEL MANNERING: A goaty psychiatrist.

PHILIPPA MANNERING: His man-eating wife.

MANUEL: Bart Alderton's groom.

LANDO MEDICI: A bent polo patron.

ALEJANDRO MENDOZA: A ten-goal Argentine polo player, the greatest back in the world.

CLAUDIA MENDOZA: His wife.

LORENZO, LUIS AND PATRICIO MENDOZA: Alejandro's elder sons. All polo players.

CASSANDRA MURDOCH: Luke Alderton's girlfriend.

BEN AND CHARLES NAPIER: Eight-goal English polo players and brothers known as the Unheavenly Twins.

SHARK NELLIGAN: A nine-goal American polo player.

SETH NEWCOMBE: An ace American bone surgeon.

JUAN O'BRIEN: A ten-goal Argentine polo player. David Waterlane's hired assassin.

MIGUEL O'BRIEN: Juan's elder brother. Another ten-goal polo player and David Waterlane's second hired assassin.

TINY O'BRIEN: Juan's wife known variously as Sitting Bully and the Policia.

ROSIE O'GRADY: A comely nurse.

DECLAN O'HARA: An Irish television megastar.

MAUD O'HARA: His actress wife.

PATRICK O'HARA: His son.

TAGGIE O'HARA: His elder daughter. An angel.

CAITLIN O'HARA: His younger daughter.

MRS PAGET: A committee member of a London Adoption Society.

HAL PETERS: An American automobile billionaire and born-again Christian. Polo patron of Peters' Cheetahs.

MYRTLE PETERS: His wife.

RAIMUNDO: Alejandro's peticero and Master of the Horse.

SAMANTHA: Shark Nelligan's glamorous groom.

RANDY SHERWOOD: A Pony Club Adonis, member of the crack South Sussex polo team.

MERLIN SHERWOOD: Randy's younger brother, another Adonis, playing for South Sussex.

MRS SHERWOOD: Their glamorous mother.

ANGEL SOLIS DE GONZALES: An Argentine polo player and Falklands war pilot, whose brother Pedro was shot down and killed.

BETTY SOLIS DE GONZALES: Angel's aunt.

UMBERTO: Alejandro's groom.

HELMET WALLSTEIN: Chief Executive, Euro-Electronics.

GISELA WALLSTEIN: His wife.

SIR DAVID WATERLANE, BART: Owner of Rutminster Hall, patron of Rutshire Hall polo team.

CLEMENCY WATERLANE: His wandering wife.

MIKE WATERLANE: His son, also a polo player.

WENDY: Hamish Macleod's PA.