Jilly Cooper - Score!

Admin king and limelight hogger, Rutminster CID.

R

OZZY

P

RINGLE

Exquisite-voiced soprano playing Tebaldo the page in

Don Carlos

Worn down by overwork and importunate family.

G

LYN

P

RINGLE

Rozzy’s husband — an accomplished drone.

P

USHY

G

ALORE

An ambitious and irritatingly good-looking member of the

Don Carlos

chorus. Real name Gloria Prescott.

C

ECILIA

R

ANNALDINI

Italian soprano and world-famous diva. Rannaldini’s feisty second wife.

S

IR

R

OBERTO

R

ANNALDINI

Mega maestro and archfiend, with musical directorships in Berlin, New York and Tokyo. Co-producing

Don Carlos

.

L

ADY

(H

ELEN

) R

ANNALDINI

Rannaldini’s fourth wife and Rupert Campbell-Black’s first wife, devoted mother of Marcus and less so of Tabitha. A legendary American beauty.

W

OLFGANG

R

ANNALDINI

Rannaldini’s son from his first marriage. Little Hitler exterior hides heart of gold. Former boyfriend of Flora Seymour.

S

ALLY

Another of Rannaldini’s pretty maids.

F

LORA

S

EYMOUR

Soprano and viola player and former wild child, traumatized by teenage affaire with Rannaldini, now living with George Hungerford.

A

LPHEUS

P. S

HAW

World-famous American bass, singing Philip II in

Don Carlos

Splendidlooking, but pompous sexual predator.

C

HERYL

S

HAW

Alpheus’s justifiably jealous wife. Great tree and social climber.

D

ETECTIVE

C

ONSTABLE

S

MITHSON

A very PC DC.

B

ABY

S

PINOSISSIMO

Dazzling Australian tenor and sexual buccaneer of the modern school.

C

HIEF

C

ONSTABLE

S

WALLOW

A Rutshire god, and friend of Lady Rannaldini and Dame Hermione.

S

YLVESTRE

Sound engineer,

Don Carlos

Man of few words but countless deeds.

S

YLVIA

Glyn Pringle’s housekeeper.

V

ALENTIN

Charismatic camera operator,

Don Carlos

Oscar’s son-in-law.

L

ADY

G

RISELDA

W

ALLACE

Wardrobe mistress,

Don Carlos

Nervous-breakdown van always on call during production.

S

ERENA

W

ESTWOOD

Record producer of

Don Carlos

Cool, competent beauty.

J

ESSIE

W

ESTWOOD

Serena’s four-year-old daughter.

M

EREDITH

W

HALEN

Set designer,

Don Carlos

Highly expensive interior designer. Known as the Ideal Homo, because he’s so much in demand as spare man at dinner parties.

THE ANIMALS

T

HE

E

NGINEER

Tabitha Campbell-Black’s event horse.

G

ERTRUDE

Taggie Campbell-Black’s mongrel.

J

AMES

Lucy Latimer’s rescued lurcher.

P

EPPY

K

OALA

An Australian wonder horse.

T

HE

P

RINCE OF

D

ARKNESS

Rannaldini’s vicious and generally victorious National Hunt horse.

S

ARASTRO

Rannaldini’s cat.

S

HARON

Tabitha Campbell-Black’s yellow Labrador, later has walk-on part as the Grand Inquisitor’s guide dog.

T

ABLOID

Rannaldini’s Rottweiler.

T

REVOR

Flora Seymour’s rescued terrier.

DON CARLOS

THE INITIAL CAST OF THE FILM

P

HILIP

II, K

ING OF

S

PAIN

Alpheus P. Shaw

D

ON

C

ARLOS

, I

NFANTE OF

S

PAIN

‘Fat Franco’ Palmieri

E

LIZABETH DE

V

ALOIS

, P

RINCESS OF

F

RANCE

Hermione Harefield

T

EBALDO

, E

LIZABETH

’S P

AGE

Rozzy Pringle

P

RINCESS

E

BOLI

, A S

PANISH LADY-IN-WAITING

Chloe Catford

R

ODRIGO

, M

ARQUIS OF

P

OSA

F

RIEND OF

D

ON

C

ARLOS

To be filled

T

HE

G

RAND

I

NQUISITOR

Granville ‘Granny’ Hastings

T

HE GHOST OF THE

E

MPEROR

C

HARLES

V

Giuseppe Cavalli

C

OUNT

L

ERMA

,

THE

S

PANISH

A

MBASSADOR TO

F

RANCE

Colin Milton

Many men hated Roberto Rannaldini. Many women, after loving him passionately, hated him even more. To be regarded at twenty-eight as the most exciting conductor since the war had necessitated brutal trampling on the way up. But at least Rannaldini could count on the unqualified love of his ten-year-old godson, Tristan de Montigny. To Tristan, the dashing maestro, with his suave, catlike smile, his deep, caressing voice, and his recklessly fast cars, was the most glamorous person in the world.

Most importantly Rannaldini had been a friend of Tristan’s mother, who had died when Tristan was a baby, and was the only person prepared to satisfy the boy’s craving for information about her.

‘She was so beautiful, so sweet, so proud of you, Tristan, and she love you so much. Her death happen in moment of madness, when she feel she cannot cope, and was unworthy of your father.’

Tristan’s father, Étienne de Montigny, was France’s most illustrious painter. He was revered for his portraits and landscapes but most famous for his erotic paintings, many of which, Salome’s Ecstasy, The Rape of Lucrece and more recently David and Jonathan , hung in the great galleries of the world, elevating near-pornography to an art form.

Étienne, outwardly a laughing giant of a man, had spawned a pack of children from three wives and numerous mistresses. Twelve years ago, when he was sixty, he had met Rannaldini, newly arrived in Paris to make his fortune as a conductor. The two had struck up a rapport, and Étienne had taken the handsome, impossibly precocious teenager under his wing. In return Rannaldini had not only milked Étienne’s contacts but also posed for him.

Part of the fun for collectors of what became known as Étienne’s ‘extremely blue period’ was to identify Rannaldini in the paintings as everyone from Apollo to the head of John the Baptist. Rannaldini had also provided beautiful young models to titillate the old goat’s palate and palette.

The most beautiful had been Tristan’s mother, the sixteen-year-old Delphine. Even Étienne’s staunchest supporters had been horrified when he had made this exquisite child his fourth wife and within a few weeks impregnated her.

Nemesis moved swiftly. A proud, delighted Étienne was busy sketching his newborn baby, Tristan, when he heard that his fourth and favourite son, Laurent, a young army officer, had been blown up in Chad. Laurent had always been a rebel, and rumours persisted that he had been taken out by his own side. Too crazed with grief even to call for an inquiry, Étienne promptly lost interest in baby Tristan, and hardly seemed to notice when, a few days later, Tristan’s young mother committed suicide. She had been suffering from postnatal depression. It was left to Étienne’s sister, Hortense, a rusty old battleaxe, to organize Tristan’s christening, at which, as one of Delphine’s last wishes, Rannaldini was a godfather.