Jilly Cooper - Score!

Suddenly she gave a shudder and a gulp, then water gushed out of her mouth, as the paramedics stormed in.

‘She’s going to be OK, lad.’ Gablecross patted Tristan’s hand as he was lifted on to a stretcher. ‘We’d better get you both to hospital. Of the two of you I’d say you were in the worst shape.’

‘Well done.’ Briefly Rupert squeezed Tristan’s thigh. ‘Was Sarah Bernhardt one of your relations?’

‘Probably,’ said Tristan, and passed out.

‘Rosalind Pringle,’ said Gablecross, ‘I am arresting you for the murders of Roberto Rannaldini and Beatrice Johnson, and the attempted murders of Lucy Latimer, Tabitha Lovell and Tristan de Montigny.’ But as he reeled off the names, he had an eerie feeling that the murderer had vanished, and he’d never be able to get a conviction on this discreet, gently smiling, suddenly old lady, who kept nodding and saying, ‘Where’s Tristan? I mustn’t be late — he’s taking me to tea with Aunt Hortense.’

It was six in the morning when Gablecross received a summons from on high. He had just spent two hours debriefing Lucy and steeled himself now for a mega-bollocking and probably the sack. A couple of hounds catching the fox on their own may be very clever, but it doesn’t endear the Master, the whips, the horses and particularly the rest of the pack to them.

‘Your behaviour has been utterly reprehensible,’ thundered Chief Constable Swallow.

‘Tim-Going-Out-On-A-Fucking-Limb again,’ shouted Gerald Portland. ‘Why didn’t you and DC Needham keep in touch?’

‘There wasn’t time, Guv’nor, and you mustn’t blame DC Needham. I chewed her out for not being as good as Charlie but she did brilliantly. She discovered Rozzy had been taking vast sums off Lucy for private treatment for non-existent cancer. Then we found Rozzy’s cache — that was a piece of work. There DC Needham discovered some photographs cut to shreds. When she pieced them together, she found they were three passport photographs of Rozzy Pringle. She’d used the fourth on Lucy Latimer’s passport, so her DNA profile on Rannaldini and Beattie would show up as Lucy’s.

‘She confesses most of it on this tape.’ Gablecross chucked it down on the table. Then, seeing both Portland and Swallow still looking boot-faced and knowing their weakness for a title, he added, ‘It was on Lady Griselda’s machine. Karen’s still debriefing Lucy. We wanted to get in touch, sir, but at the end we were only playing with minutes.’

‘How’s Rozzy Pringle?’

‘Dagenham.’

‘What?’

‘Two stops up from Barking.’

‘You ought to be fired and probably prosecuted,’ said Portland, after Swallow had bustled off importantly into the next room to take a telephone call. ‘You left Tabitha Lovell unprotected at Rutminster General. You risked the lives of Tristan de Montigny and Rupert Campbell-Black — no bad thing in itself, admittedly — not to mention that little toad Clive.’

‘He did brilliantly,’ protested Gablecross, ‘performed like a trooper. Pity we can’t recruit him.’

‘How’s Montigny?’

‘Only a flesh wound, bullet lodged in the muscle. They’re operating now. Rozzy Pringle was so bats about him that he was the only one who could lure her out. He did fantastically too.’

‘And Lucy Latimer?’

‘I wanted to talk to you about her,’ said Gablecross. ‘She’s outwardly OK. In shock, of course, she had a terrible experience, devastated as well that her dog was killed. We don’t want the defence to nobble her, and if the press get onto her the whole case will collapse. She’s desperate to get away. I said we might be able to arrange a safe-house for her abroad until after the trial.’

In the next room they could hear Swallow’s voice rising.

‘All right, all right, Mr Campbell-Black, that’s entirely up to the Police Promotions Board. I don’t care if you do go over my head.

‘Jesus, that bastard gets on my wick,’ said Swallow, as he returned very red in the face. ‘Now where were we?’

Gablecross was so tired he didn’t at first take in that, in their roundabout way, both Swallow and Portland were congratulating him.

‘You saved our bacon,’ admitted Portland. ‘Not sure how much longer we could have gone on spending tax-payers’ money.’

‘You’ve done well, Tim. Better go home and put on a clean shirt before the press conference,’ said Swallow. ‘And I think DC Needham’s going to be every bit as good as Charlie.’

It must be tiredness and the fact that the Chief Constable had never called him Tim before but, for a hideous moment, Gablecross thought he was going to cry.

‘I absolutely agree, sir,’ he muttered.

Tristan came round to find his room full of flowers and sunlight. His shoulder throbbed, but he could move his arm, and the diamorphine was keeping any pain at bay. Sergeant Gablecross was his first visitor, carrying a bunch of purple chrysanthemums and a brown parcel.

‘Where’s Lucy?’ demanded Tristan. ‘Is she all right? I want to see her.’

‘She’s being debriefed,’ said Gablecross carefully. ‘She’s very anxious you should read this.’ He put the packet on the bedside table. ‘She handed it over to Rozzy for safe-keeping when she was arrested. Rozzy was intending to burn it. We’ll need it as evidence later. The sister said I mustn’t stay long. We’ll take a statement when you’re feeling stronger.’

How beautiful the boy was, he thought enviously. Even when he was running a temperature, the dark hair falling over the white forehead and the flush on the hollowed cheeks reminded you of black trees and snow warmed by a winter sunset.

Tristan, slumped back on his pillows, was constantly reminded of the horror of Lucy’s inert frozen body. ‘Are you sure she’s OK, or as OK as she can be? Is James really dead?’

‘We think so. Rupert’s going to advertise, so are we.’

‘I must get her a puppy.’ Tristan turned fretfully to the package. ‘“Private and Confidential”. I suppose that means everyone at Rutminster Police Station’s had a look.’

As soon as Gablecross had left a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door, Tristan opened the package.

The enclosed letter was headed ‘Hôtel de Ville, St Malo’, dated 16 July, and smelt faintly of the disturbing, overtly sexy scent Lucy had worn the morning he’d sacked her. Tristan shuddered at the memory.

Dear Tristan [what kind, generous handwriting Lucy had!]

I hope I bring you tidings of very great joy, but the facts are so overwhelming I thought you’d prefer to take them in when you’re on your own. Although Wolfie and I can answer any questions as best we can later.

Your aunt Hortense swore to your dad she would never tell the truth, but in the end was persuaded that promises should occasionally be broken.

You truly are a Montigny, Tristan, and Étienne was speaking the truth on his deathbed rambling on about your father being your grandfather. The problem was, Rannaldini got the wrong grandad. Étienne was your grandfather, Laurent your father.

Tristan slumped back against the pillows, reeling from the shock. He read on incredulously:

So in a way Étienne was Philip II and Laurent Posa, a soldier of noble lineage who hated staying idle, so he stirred up trouble in Chad, and got blown up for trying to right wrongs. On the other hand, he was also Carlos because he fell madly in love with your mum. She was just back froma disastrous honeymoon with Étienne, where she’d found she couldn’t bear him near her. Laurent came home all suntanned and handsome. She fell madly in love with him and fell pregnant with you, while Étienne was away painting in Australia.

The paper was shaking so violently, he could hardly read, let alone turn the page.