Jilly Cooper - Score!

At first Tristan deflected every question coolly. He was enchanted by the recovery of his Lalique lily-patterned lighter which, he explained, had been a present from the crew after The Lily in the Valley , and which had vanished from his desk last week, and his signet ring, which he’d lost on the night of the auto da fe . ‘I lose weight. It must have slipped off.’

He’s lying, thought Gablecross. There was no way that shiny ring had been exposed to the elements for nearly three weeks.

‘Both lighter and ring were found near Rannaldini’s body in Hangman’s Wood,’ he said.

Careful, thought Tristan, for the hundredth time.

‘I must ’ave dropped them when I went to see Rannaldini previous.’

‘You often walk in the woods?’

‘Of course. I am man in love with the dark. I spent my childhood in cinemas or watching videos with curtains drawn.’

‘Your crème-de-menthe-flavoured chewing-gum was also found near the body.’

‘Anyone could have peenched that. I leave packs everywhere. My dear Detective Sergeant,’ Tristan yawned so hard he nearly put his jaw out, ‘I have been working on film about murder for nearly a year. I am not so stupid I litter possessions round Rannaldini’s body like Millais’ Sower and leave my prints all over murder weapon. Someone is framing me.’

‘Any idea who?’

‘Probably Rannaldini from the grave.’

At one moment, he nearly fell asleep. ‘I am bored talking about myself. Can’t we talk about you, Sergeant, or more excitingly you?’ He smiled at Karen, who blushed.

Despite the overwhelming evidence, she kept praying Tristan hadn’t done it. He was so glamorous — she admired the flawless bone structure beneath the smooth olive skin, the curls dark as winter dusk, the greyhound grace exaggerated by the ten-pound weight-loss. And he was so polite, opening doors when she went out, leaping to his feet when she came back. When he wasn’t pacing up and down, he was drawing or scribbling. ‘Why d’you keep making notes?’ she asked.

‘To stop me going crazy. I am in last stage of making film. It’s like a marathon winner being dragged away ten yards from the tape. Worst still, greatest scene in Don Carlos takes place in prison. Eef only I had had these experiences to draw on when I direct it. The claustrophobia, moths concussing themselves against overhead light, the tiny cell that makes Carlos’s dungeon look like Trafalgar Square. How much more realistic would I have made the Grand Inquisitor?’ He glared at Gablecross, who, refusing to rise, proceeded to take Tristan in minute detail through the early hours of Friday the thirteenth.

‘What did you do during the break?’

‘Caught between Hermione and Rupert, with everyone rowing and running off on wild-ghost chase, I have ’orrible migraine and need strong pills to zap it. I go back to the house. Even more ’orrible I see Eulalia ’Arrison approach down south-wing landing. Since she arrive she hassle me for interview and plus, so I leap behind big cupboard.’

‘You should have told her you had a migraine,’ said Gablecross sardonically.

Tristan almost smiled. ‘She goes into her room. I hide in mine and take pills. They were called Imogram.’

‘You didn’t call anyone?’

‘Certainly not.’ Tristan steeled himself to look Gablecross in the eyes.

Making a note to check the lack of calls with his mobile company, Karen asked what had happened to the rest of the Imogram.

‘In my room, or maybe I put them in jeans pocket. I heard Eulalia leave room some time after one, then I must have dropped off, because a crash wake me, like medicine cupboard falling off wall. I looked at my watch, realized to my horror it was two o’clock less twenty-five minutes and race back to the set.’

‘There is evidence, intercourse took place before Beattie died. Did you give her one?’

Like James emerging from the lake, Tristan gave an exaggerated shudder: ‘It would have been easier to kill than fuck her.’

The tape ran out.

Every time there was a break, one tape was sealed, untouched, in case it was needed in court. Knowing Portland would be listening acutely to the other, Karen was relieved she wasn’t interviewing Tristan alone. Hearing his heartbreakingly husky voice, she increasingly couldn’t concentrate for wondering what he would be like in bed. Imagining that wonderful sulky mouth kissing hers, the long powerful body crushing her own: violent images. God, she must pull herself together.

His body language told her nothing. He sat very still, never pulled faces, fiddled with his hair, licked his lips or blinked. Even in that white paper boiler-suit, he looked like a hopelessly glamorous intern in a hospital soap. He had drawn a beautiful picture, turning her into a fawn, and was working on a cross-looking warthog.

‘What were you asking me?’ he drawled insolently.

Was he really so tired that he forgot a question before he could answer it, she wondered, or was he playing for time?

At mid-morning on Saturday, Wolfie popped into Rutminster Police Station, bringing Tristan a running order for Monday’s polo shoot and a sprig of honeysuckle from Lucy.

Hearing, during a break in interrogations, that he’d been in, Gablecross had huge delight in ordering Fanshawe and Debbie Miller to drive out to Valhalla and check a few of Tristan’s statements with Wolfie.

Rolling up at Valhalla, however, a fuming Fanshawe and Debbie were greeted by Rozzy, devastated about Tristan’s arrest, and begging them to take a posy of gentians, a picnic of quiche, chicken breasts, peaches and a Thermos of ‘proper’ coffee back to the station for his lunch.

‘I can’t get away, Sergeant Fanshawe, I have to dog-sit for Lucy.’

James, looking unbelievably boot-faced, was taking up Wardrobe’s entire sofa.

‘Where’s Lucy gone?’ demanded Fanshawe.

‘Away with Wolfie,’ said Rozzy, in a worried voice. ‘She wouldn’t tell me where but she’s taken her passport.’

‘Everyone on the unit has been ordered not to leave the country,’ said Fanshawe, in outrage.

Even a furious Oscar and Valentin had had to forgo their Bastille Day jaunt.

‘I begged her,’ wailed Rozzy. ‘Oh, when are they going to let poor Tristan out?’

‘When he starts levelling with us,’ said Fanshawe. ‘You’ve no idea where Lucy’s gone?’

‘To have a nice break with that yummy Wolfgang,’ giggled Debbie. ‘Gablecross will be choked — he thinks she’s gorgeous.’

Outside Rutminster Police Station, television vans and the cars of the press, desperate for news, clogged up the weekend traffic like autumn leaves. Time had ceased to have any meaning. Tapes and breaks came and went. Antagonism intensified between Gablecross and Tristan, who had drawn a whole family of bullying warthogs. In the airless room the shadows deepened beneath all their eyes. Gerald Portland, still listening to the tapes, was stepping up the pressure.

‘Show him his dad’s letter, ask him about the Montigny. Tell him we can’t find any migraine pills or memos about pistols in anyone’s out-tray, and if that doesn’t work, tell him they’ve trashed his flat in Paris and found some interesting stuff.’

Karen switched on the tape again.

‘Have you seen this painting before?’ She waved the photograph of The Snake Charmer .

‘Just beautiful.’ Gablecross examined Delphine’s naked body.

‘Give me that!’ howled Tristan. But as he dived across the desk Gablecross’s pudgy fingers closed over the photograph. ‘Not so fast, baby boy. Betty and Sally found the original under your mattress on Thursday.’

‘For Christ’s sake, what more lies are they going to tell? I never saw that painting except in Rannaldini’s watch-tower. In film we are making, Philip search for letters under Elisabetta’s mattress. If I was going to steal painting, I would hide it somewhere more subtle.’