Lucy Gordon - For His Little Girl

At last Elly came to put her to bed, but Josie set her chin. "I want to stay with Daddy," she said.

"Why doesn't Daddy come and put you to bed?" Elly suggested.

She agreed to this compromise, and they all went up to the room Josie and Elly were to share, with Frank in a Box room across the corridor. The events of the past hours had left the little girl worn-out. Despite her fear for her mother she was half-asleep by the time she was ready for bed. She kissed Elly, but it was Luke's hand she clung to until she fell asleep. He gently disengaged his fingers and leaned down to kiss his sleeping child. When he looked up, he found Elly watching him kindly.

"Thank you," he said, and she nodded.

Back in the storeroom the night seemed to close in on him. Restlessly he began to rearrange his few items of furniture. He couldn't put the makeshift bed in the same place as the old one, because the shelves were in the way, but he managed to get it at the same angle. He didn't quite know why he'd done that, except that anything else seemed wrong.

He lay down and closed his eyes, and at once she was there, snuggling up against him, her tousled head on his shoulder, one arm about his neck. He opened his eyes again and sat up. Why had he returned to this room, where so much had once been his, so much that he'd thrown away? It was filled with Pippa, with her love, her joy, her passionate, selfless giving.

You're very good at holding off, aren't you Luke?

He got to his feet and switched the light on. The room seemed to mock him.

Just here had stood the table where he'd first fed her and been enchanted by her wacky nature. Over there had been the sofa with the creaking springs where she'd first kissed him and demolished all the defenses he'd thought he'd put up against her magic.

In that corner had stood the rickety chair that had collapsed beneath her, and she'd lain amid the ruins, laughing too much to move, until he'd pulled her up and into his arms, kissing her madly, adoring her because all life and warmth was in her, as though she'd found the secret of the world. But secretly afraid, too, because to love someone that much was like putting chains on your soul.

That's how you survive, isn't it? By never getting too close to anyone.

"No," he shouted. " No !"

But for all his denials, what they'd had back then had ended in this room where everything was neat, functional, dead. And it was his doing.

They were all there in the corridor again next morning, even the boarders who knew that they wouldn't be allowed into Pippa's room. They were her friends and they cared about her. Luke tried to think who would do the same for him. His family, of course, and Claudia, but not troops of unconnected people. Getting hundreds of hits on your Web site wasn't the same, somehow.

More waiting. More hours crawling by. The doctors had begun to lift the heavy sedation so that Pippa could regain consciousness. But she didn't, which, Luke could tell, worried them more than they wanted to admit.

Frank looked to be at the end of his tether. Luke regarded him with pity, feeling the old antagonism die. Josie made a movement toward him and Elly, but stopped, glancing quickly at Luke, as if torn between them. He touched her gently, whispering, "Go and talk to them." Watching her go, Luke found himself talking to Pippa in his head.

"You see? There'll be no tug-of-war on my side. That's what you wanted, isn't it? Where are you? Do you know?''

His life had contained little that could be called spiritual, but now he tried to believe that Pippa was there, watching him even while she slept in the next room. He had to believe that she knew.

More waiting. Why hadn't she come to? What weren't they telling him?

At last the door opened and the doctor beckoned, standing back for Luke and Josie to enter.

"She's beginning to move," he said.

They went quickly to either side of her bed. Pippa was stirring, muttering inaudibly. The next moment she had opened her eyes, looking directly at Josie.

"Hallo, Mommy," the child said joyfully.

"Hallo, darling." She managed to move her arm a few inches in invitation, and Josie laid her head against it. Luke stood back, willing to wait for his moment.

At last it came. Josie said, "Mommy, look," pointing to him, and Pippa turned her head, just a little. Slowly he sank down until he was on his knees beside the bed so that she could see him more easily.

"Didn't you know I'd come, my love?" he asked.

She managed a faint smile. "I guess I did." Her eyes closed again.

"Pippa," he said urgently.

"She should rest now," the doctor said.

He let himself be shepherded out with Josie, but once outside he drew the doctor aside, speaking very quietly.

"How much does it really mean that she came around?"

"It helps," the doctor said after a pause, "but it's not conclusive."

"You're telling me that she could still die?"

"Yes, I am. It's good that she's regained consciousness, but some of the signs aren't as good as I'd hoped."

"I want to see her again, now. Just for a moment."

The doctor was about to make a formal protest, but something in Luke's eyes stopped him. "Two minutes," he said.

As he approached the bed again, he noticed how poor Pippa's color was, almost the color of death. She was slipping away from him.

"Pippa," he said, "listen. I've got something important to ask you." He saw the question in her eyes. "It's this-will you marry me?"

"Ask me again," she whispered, "when I'm out of here."

"No, I mean now, today."

"Oh, yes-of course-Josie-"

"No," he said, becoming frantic with the need to make her understand. "You think I'm just trying to get a legal claim on her, but I'm not. It's not about her, it's about us. We should have been married years ago, and now, if-" he could hardly say it "-if I lose you, I want the world to know you were my wife. Not just my girlfriend, or the mother of my child, but my wife . Please, darling, marry me now. It would mean so much to me."

"Would it-really?"

"Everything in the world," he whispered.

"But can it be managed?"

"Leave everything to me. In the meantime-" From his pocket he took the engagement ring. "This is yours." He slid it gently onto her finger, and had the pleasure of seeing a glow come into her eyes.

"I didn't really want to give it back," she said.

"I'm going to fix everything. You-you be here when I get back, okay?"

"Okay. Luke-"

"Yes, darling?"

"Talk to Harry," she murmured. "He's studying law."

Luck was with him in one way because Harry was right outside. But in another way it was against him, because Frank and Elly were there, too.

"If you think I'm going to allow this you're out of your mind," Frank said harshly. "I'm going to speak to the hospital authorities and have you thrown out. They won't let you pester a sick woman again-''

"Frank." Elly put a gentle hand on his arm. "It's no use. If this is what Pippa wants-how can we deny her, when it may be the last thing-''

Frank's shoulders shook. "Do as you please," he said hoarsely, and turned away.

Harry got to work on a special license, and because of the circumstances was able to get one within an hour. Then he went one better and produced an uncle who was a vicar.

Josie was sitting beside Pippa holding her hand when Luke returned.

"How is she?" he whispered.

"She keeps going to sleep and waking up again. Daddy, she says you're going to get married."

"We are."

Josie's face brightened. "When?"

"Today, just as soon as it can be fixed."

She beamed. "Can I be a bridesmaid?"

"Honey, it's going to happen right here, not in a church."

"But Mommy will still need a bridesmaid, because she's a bride."