Lucy Gordon - For His Little Girl

Nobody knew how many hours passed before there was a noise at the end of the corridor as the doors were opened so that a bed could be wheeled through. It was accompanied by a doctor and two nurses, one of whom was holding a drip that was connected to the woman lying on the bed. Everybody stood up tensely to watch the little procession approach and turn into the room opposite. Luke caught the barest glimpse of Pippa's face as she passed, and felt his daughter's hand seek his.

The doctor faced them. "She's not as strong as I'd like, but she's holding on. The next few hours will be vital."

"But she's going to live?" came Frank's voice. "Surely you can say that much?"

The doctor hesitated. "It's too soon to make any promises."

"I want to see Mommy," Josie said.

"In a few minutes," the doctor said, "when they've finished settling her. Just you and one other person-perhaps the next of kin-"

"I'm her next of kin," Frank said through gritted teeth, "since she isn't married."

Luke flinched, but he didn't retaliate, because into his head had come the memory of Pippa's words in the letter. If you fight with Frank it will make her unhappy …

"Daddy-" Josie reached for him, but he forced himself to step back.

"I'll wait," he said.

"No," Elly said, intervening. "You're the one she wants." She laid a gentle hand on her husband's arm, silencing his protest.

Hand in hand, father and daughter slipped into Pippa's room, and Luke couldn't have said which of them was clinging to the other more desperately for comfort. The sight of Pippa horrified him. She lay as still as death, her eyes closed, her face the color of parchment. On each side she was attached to drips or machinery that seemed to overwhelm her. Like any creature that lived mainly through its senses Luke recoiled from illness. But now all he could think of was how small and frail she looked and how he would have liked to gather her protectively in his arms. But he couldn't.

"Can we touch her?" he asked at last.

"Better not," advised one of the nurses.

"What are her chances?"

"Her color's reasonably good, and she's stable. That's really all we can say for the moment, i think you should go now."

Outside in the corridor Luke repeated the nurse's words to everyone, but speaking mainly to Frank, keeping his voice gentle, trying not to react to the open dislike on the other man's face.

Everyone settled down for a long wait. Somebody went for coffee and sandwiches. A silence fell. The clock ticked on as the light faded into darkness. Josie was allowed back in to see her mother.

"Daddy-"

"Take your uncle Frank, honey," he said. "He loves her, too."

He had to force the words out. Only the conviction that he was doing what Pippa would have wanted made it possible. Frank regarded him with suspicion and went on into the room.

"That was very nice of you," Elly said when Frank and Josie had gone.

"It's Pippa, she-" He couldn't say any more, but he suddenly noticed how kind Elly's eyes were. He wondered why he'd never seen it before, and felt ashamed that he'd ever seen her as a person to make fun of. On impulse he pulled Pippa's letter out. "She wouldn't mind my showing you this."

He pointed to the end of the letter where Pippa had written, "Josie loves you, but she loves Frank and Elly, too, and if you fight it will make her unhappy."

"Thank you," she said, giving it back to him. "I'll try to make Frank understand."

Josie slipped out and came to Luke. "She's just the same," she said.

"No sign of waking up?"

"No, they say she won't tonight, because she's being kept under heavy sedation. They'll start lifting it tomorrow."

"They say we might as well go home for the night," Frank said.

"That's a good idea," Jake observed. "Nothing is going to happen for hours. The house is just around the corner. Harry will stay here, just in case, and if anything looks like it's happening he'll call and we can be back in five minutes." He looked at Luke. "Frank and Elly are staying at the guest house. Have you got somewhere?"

"I never thought of it."

"Then you'd better come with us."

"Thanks, but I'm staying right here," he said firmly.

Frank put an arm about Josie. "Come along, darling," he said.

But Josie shook her head. "I want to stay with Daddy."

"It's very late and you ought to go to bed," Frank said firmly. "Come along now."

Josie's eyes filled with tears, and she looked at Luke, silently pleading.

Please, please Luke… don't fight over her.

He didn't know where the voice had come from. He could almost have sworn it was an external sound, but perhaps it had only echoed in his heart. Whatever the truth, it told him what he must do.

"On second thought, I'm going back to the guest house," he said. He turned to Frank and Elly. "Maybe we all need to be together."

It felt strange to be returning after all these years. The inside had been made over to look cheerful and modern, but basically it was the same place where he and Pippa had lived and loved, and lost each other.

Susan, Pippa's assistant, was in charge now. She frowned when she saw Luke. "I'm afraid it's full up."

"What about the room just down the corridor?" Luke asked.

"That's a storeroom."

"Can I see it?"

"But it's full of sheets and pillows," she insisted.

"I'd still like to see it."

He found himself counting the steps down the passage to the room that had once been his and Pippa's. There were exactly eight if you took large strides, or twelve if you took short running steps because you were trying to undress each other at the same time.

The room came as a shock. The walls were now lined with deep shelves on which were the house supplies, bedding, tins of food, detergent. The iron-ing board leaned against the wall, and a large sack of potatoes stood in a corner. Everywhere he looked he saw neatness and order.

"It's very-tidy." It was all he could think of to say.

"Ms. Davis is particular about tidiness," Susan assured him. "She says otherwise we'd never find anything."

"If I can have a few cushions and borrow some blankets, I'll sleep here."

"There's no need. You can have the sofa in the-"

"I'd rather be here," he said quietly.

Josie, who had slipped in after him, now darted away and returned with the sofa cushions, which she arranged on the floor. Then she took some blankets down and began to arrange them, too. From a cupboard she took a hanger, and indicated for Luke to give her his coat. Together they arranged it on the hanger, and he put it up on a peg.

"Susan's making something to eat," she said.

"I don't think I could-"

"I'll bring you some here, shall I?"

"Thanks," he said, gratefully. She'd known he wanted to be alone. Was that because of an instinctive understanding between him and his child, he wondered? Or because even she felt that he couldn't face things?

She brought him some food, and watched while he ate it. He had no appetite and would have left some, but she said, "Finish everything. You've got to keep your strength up," sounding like a wise little adult. He did so.

"Why did you want this room?" she asked.

He smiled and stroked a stray lock of hair away from her forehead. "Guess."

"You and Mommy?"

"Yes. We lived in here. We used to pay part of our rent by doing some of the cooking. That was the only way we could afford to live. We didn't have anything-but we had everything."

Then he broke completely, putting his head in his hands and sobbing without restraint. Pippa, who had made everything right, was no longer there, perhaps would never be there again. But there was someone else, someone who stretched small arms around him as far as they would go, and kissed him. He put his arms around her, and they clung together, saying nothing, because it was too terrible for words.