Lucy Gordon - For The Sake Of His Child

She hadn’t been meant to see the mixture of unhappiness and helpless love in Carson’s face. That was for his child, if he could find the way to show it.

‘We’ve eaten,’ she said, following him into the kitchen. ‘But I’ll make you something.’

‘What’s happened to Mrs Saunders?’

‘She’s in hospital. She went out-to do some shopping, I suppose-and was knocked down in the street. It’s not serious, but she’ll be there for a few days.’

‘A few days?’ he echoed, aghast. ‘Damn! I’m sorry she’s hurt, of course, but she had no right to leave Joey alone here, even for a moment.’

‘I agree. But he managed brilliantly. He remembered my address from the other day, wrote it down and found himself a taxi. He’s a really bright child.’

‘Yes, he knew exactly who to head for, didn’t he?’ he asked heavily.

To her astonishment, she realised that he was hurt. He hadn’t wanted his meeting interrupted, but it hurt him that Joey hadn’t even tried.

‘He knows how busy you are-’ she began.

He flung her a look. ‘Don’t rub it in. Just tell me what’s going to happen now-without Mrs Saunders.’

‘Well, obviously I’m going to be here until she returns,’ Gina said lightly. ‘I thought you’d have decided that already.’

‘I-was going to ask you if you’d consider taking us on for a while,’ Carson said, picking his words carefully. ‘You seem to be able to cope with anything.’

She smiled. ‘I guess I can cope with you and Joey.’

‘What, both of us?’ he asked, rallying his defences.

‘Both of you. Joey’s the easy one.’

‘Thank you,’ he said with a touch of ruefulness. ‘I don’t know how I’d manage if you weren’t here.’

She scribbled a number on a piece of paper, and gave it to him.

‘That’s George Wainright’s home number. You can settle it with him while I put Joey to bed.’

He regarded her askance. ‘Think you’ve got me sized up, don’t you?’

‘Well, it’s not difficult,’ she said indignantly. ‘I just take it for granted that your juggernaut will ride on over us all, and I get it right every time.’

‘And you think that’s all I am? A juggernaut?’

No, she thought, remembering the first day. There was something else in him, something that had seen the funny side of their collision and behaved generously, tried awkwardly to reach out to her, and then drawn back hastily. Something she wanted to know more about.

‘I think you’re a juggernaut when it suits you,’ she said.

‘And you think it suits me a lot, don’t you?’

‘Since you’re virtually my employer now, it wouldn’t be proper for me to answer that question.’

‘And do you always do what’s proper?’

‘You know I don’t. That’s why I’m in trouble at work-because I told you off.’

Suddenly his attractive smile broke out. ‘Say what you like. I won’t tell on you.’

She couldn’t help answering the smile. ‘I’m going to put Joey to bed. Why don’t you make that phone call?’

‘Whatever you say.’

She came down half an hour later, having seen Joey nod off contentedly. Carson was waiting for her. ‘Can we talk?’

‘I’m afraid it’ll have to be later. If I’m going to stay here I’ve got to dash home and get some clothes.’

‘Will you be long?’

‘I’ll try not to be. A couple of hours, maybe.’

‘I’ll drive you-no, I can’t leave Joey alone, can I? It’s a pity he’s already in bed-’

‘Carson,’ she said gently, ‘sooner or later you’re going to have to learn to be alone with him.’

‘Yes.’ He grimaced. ‘I don’t come out of this very well, do I?’

‘You’re trying to do your best.’

‘My best seems to consist of clinging onto you. I guess he’s not the only one holding your hand.’

‘Well, I have a very steady hand,’ she assured him. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’

Her little flat was a world away from Carson’s luxurious mansion, but it was her own, and when she’d hastily packed a suitcase she gave a regretful glance around.

‘Just a couple of days,’ she assured herself. ‘Then I’ll be back.’

The streets were clear and she managed the journey fairly quickly. Even so, she arrived to find him standing in the porch, watching for her anxiously.

‘Joey awoke and found you gone,’ he said. ‘He thought you’d abandoned him. I tried to reassure him, but I-I can’t reach him.’

From behind him Gina could hear moaning. She hurried past and saw Joey sitting on the stairs, his arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth in misery. Tears poured down his face, and at first even she couldn’t get through to him.

She took hold of his shoulders, and at last she managed to get him looking at her.

‘I’m here,’ she said clearly. ‘Joey, I’m here. I haven’t gone away.’

He began to sign but he was too overwrought to organise himself and the attempt collapsed. He tried to speak. Gina listened carefully while he repeated the words again and again.

‘What’s he saying?’ Carson asked desperately.

‘He says he awoke and I wasn’t there,’ Gina interpreted at last.

‘But I was,’ Carson shouted.

She signed. Daddy was here.

Joey shook his head violently, pointing at Gina.

‘Don’t tell me,’ Carson said heavily. ‘I guess I understood that.’

‘I’ll take him back to bed.’

It took time to calm Joey down, but at last he was ready to attend quietly while she explained where she’d been. When he heard that she’d collected clothes for a stay he brightened.

Stay, he signed happily.

‘Just for a few days.’

Stay.

She sighed and left it there. This wasn’t the time to tell him that she would leave when Mrs Saunders returned. Let him be happy while he could. She waited until he was asleep, kissed him, and crept out of the room.

Carson was waiting outside. ‘I’ve put you in this room next to Joey,’ he said. ‘It’s a bit small but it has a connecting door to him.’

‘That’s ideal.’

The bed was stripped, but Carson showed her the airing cupboard, found sheets and blankets for her, and, to her surprise, even helped her make up the bed.

‘You have a talent for this,’ she said, observing his neat corners.

‘My mother made sure I did, or it was a clip round the ear. She taught me how to make coffee, too. I’ll have some ready downstairs, when you’re finished in here.’

She went down a few minutes later to find him in the living room, with freshly perked coffee on a low table.

‘Is he all right?’ he asked.

‘Yes, fast asleep.’

‘Now that you’re here.’

She settled down and gratefully took the coffee he handed her. He watched her quizzically while she sipped it.

‘Perfect,’ she said.

‘I told you, I’ve been well trained.’

An uneasy silence fell between them.

‘I’ve always prided myself on being on top of every situation,’ he said at last. ‘In business, that isn’t hard. But this-’ He sighed. ‘I don’t know.’

‘How did you ever get in this state? Why don’t you know him better?’

‘You don’t have to tell me that I’m to blame-’

‘I’m not trying to apportion blame,’ she insisted. ‘I just want to help Joey. He seems to think I have the answers, but I don’t really.’

‘We were so proud of him when he was born,’ Carson recalled. ‘It was a few years before he began to lose some of his hearing.’

‘He did have some hearing, then?’

‘Yes. The doctor gave him a hearing aid, and we hoped that might do the trick. I thought Brenda was a good mother until things went wrong. Her career was taking off, and she didn’t spend a lot of time with Joey, but she seemed to dote on him when she was here, and we had an excellent nanny.’