Janet Evanovich - Love Overboard aka Ivan Takes a Wife

She said it with a finality and tone that didn’t encourage further discussion. Her mouth was drawn tight, and her gaze held his, challenging him to make a flip remark. He thought of her rolling down the hill and cooking fish-eye soup and got an immediate mental image of Stephanie Lowe starring in one of those goofy Police Academy movies. Then the image changed. He watched the play of emotions on her face and knew she’d been a better cop than cook. Probably one of the best. And he also knew something terrible had happened to her.

“You don’t want to talk about it, do you?”

“No.”

“Everyone has secrets on a pirate vessel,” he said. “It’s allowed.”

Stephanie felt the tears hot behind her eyes and blinked them back in a rush of relief that Ivan hadn’t asked any more questions.

“I really should go look for Ace,” Ivan said. “He has a knack for worming his way into a warm bed. He’s probably snuggled next to a sympathetic female body by now, handing her some pathetic line about being an orphan or being a virgin or being abducted by Martians when he was eight.”

Stephanie smiled at the obvious affection and resigned humor in Ivan’s voice. He was doing a good job of lightening the conversation, and she appreciated it. “Any of it true?”

“He’s the pampered son of a corporate lawyer. He isn’t an orphan. He isn’t a virgin. And to the best of my knowledge he was never abducted by Martians.”

“You like him, huh?”

“Yeah. He’s an okay kid. He reminds me a lot of myself at his age.” He looked at Stephanie and grinned. “I thought I was pretty hot stuff when I was nineteen. Anyway, his dad’s a friend of mine, and he asked me to take Ace on for the summer as a favor.”

“Ace has been in some trouble,” Stephanie guessed.

“He’s had problems. I think he’s straightening out.”

Stephanie gave Ivan a long, considering look. She liked him for keeping Ace’s problems confidential, and she liked him for trying to help by giving Ace a job. She hadn’t expected Ivan the Terrible to have any substance, and it left her momentarily stunned when she realized Ivan might understand what she’d done with her life. She knew she’d have to wrestle with that later.

She’d also have to think about prejudging men on the quality of their buns. She’d underestimated Ivan Rasmussen because his jeans curved in all the right places. She was afraid to ask about his education. He’d probably graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law School.

She moved closer to the stove to warm her bare feet and refill her coffee cup, feeling the caffeine kick in. “I’m awake,” she announced. “Now I’m going to make pies.” She hitched up her sweats and gave Ivan a brazen smile. “I might even make one that’s edible.”

Someone screamed from the back of the ship, and Stephanie felt her skin crawl at the sound of raw terror. She bolted up the galley stairs and headed for the aft cabin, where she found Mr. Pease trying to calm his wife.

Loretta Pease saw Ivan enter the cabin behind Stephanie and directed her attention to him. “I was almost killed, right here in this bed. By a woman. Skippy had gotten up to visit the facilities, and this woman just glided in and looked right at me. Wasn’t one of the passengers either. I know all the passengers. Scared me half to death. She was all in black, with her hair done up on top of her head, and she was holding a knife.”

“Sometimes Loretta likes to take a nip of sherry to start the day off right,” Mr. Pease told Ivan.

“I didn’t have a nip of sherry, you old coot. I’m telling you, there was a woman here.”

Stephanie took the older woman’s hand and began collecting information. Loretta Pease was obviously shaken. Her face had been white when they’d arrived, but color was flooding back into it now. Her palm was moist, her hand unsteady. Her glasses were neatly lying on the shelf above the small sink, Stephanie noticed. She remembered Mrs. Pease had pushed her glasses down her nose and looked over them to search for the fish eye in her soup. That meant she was nearsighted. Coupled with the fact that the cabin was dark, it meant she probably hadn’t gotten a very good look at the woman. “Did this person touch you or say anything to you?” Stephanie asked.

“No. She just stood there with this big knife.”

“Can you tell me approximately how old she was?”

“It was too dark. I couldn’t see her face well, but I swear, she had the biggest knife I’ve ever seen. A great big carving knife. Do I smell coffee?”

“You bet,” Ace said, popping into the cabin. “Fresh brewed aboard the Josiah Savage. Everyone can come below and get some, drink up, then we’ll search the vessel to flush out this woman from hell.”

“The coffee was a good idea, but I think we could soft-pedal the woman from hell stuff,” Ivan told him.

“Just an expression,” Ace said affably.

Stephanie held Mrs. Pease’s plump hand. “Why don’t you get dressed and come down to the galley? You can have some coffee and help me make blueberry muffins for breakfast.”

An hour later Ivan dropped in to see how the baking was going. He told himself he was checking on Loretta Pease, but he knew it was a lie. Stephanie Lowe fascinated him as no other woman ever had. She’d been a cop! So how did he feel about that, he asked himself. A little threatened? Definitely. And very curious, and very aroused, and oddly pleased. It seemed to suit her. He picked a clump of muffin dough out of Stephanie’s hair. “You’re a mess.”

“Flatterer.”

He poured a cup of coffee. “Everything okay here?”

“We’ve made enough muffins to feed the whole Pacific fleet,” Mrs. Pease said, taking a big basket of warm muffins topside.

Ivan sipped his coffee. “Ace and I have searched the ship and haven’t turned up anything unusual.”

Stephanie followed his gaze to the butcher block knife holder and gave him a silent affirmation that his discovery was correct. There was a knife missing.

She moved next to him and kept her voice low while she filled the last muffin tin. “It’s suspicious but hardly conclusive. I’m not familiar enough with the galley to be sure the knife is missing. Lucy could have lost it or misplaced it.”

He stared at her for a minute, absorbing the pleasure of being near her, feeling the need to tease her out of her self-imposed silence about her past. He didn’t want to be shut out. He’d go very slowly, he decided. He’d keep it light until she felt comfortable. “Were you like Eddie Murphy?”

“What?”

“You know, Beverly Hills Cop. Did you go around sticking bananas in people’s tailpipes?”

Stephanie smiled. “Figuratively, yes.”

“And as a former professional, what do you make of this?”

“I think Mrs. Pease saw something. I’m not sure what.”

Ivan nodded. “Whatever it was, it vanished into thin air.”

Stephanie stood statue still, a spoonful of dough poised over the batter bowl. “Like a ghost? Aunt Tess have any homicidal tendencies?”

Ivan shook his finger at her. “Don’t even think it! ‘Vanished into thin air’ is just a figure of speech. Aunt Tess doesn’t go skulking around wielding carving knives. She’s a nice old lady. Besides, ghosts don’t look human. They’re… gauzy or something.”

“Have you ever seen one?”

“Well, no, not actually.”

Stephanie put the last batch of muffins in the oven. “Then how do you know what they look like? For that matter, if you’ve never seen a ghost, how can you be sure your house is haunted?”

“My mother’s seen Tess.”

Stephanie raised her eyebrows.

“Tess only shows herself to women.” Ivan took a warm muffin and broke a piece off. “That’s the legend. Only the women of Haben have seen her. And not all of the women. She’s picky about who she scares.” He popped the piece of muffin into his mouth and chewed appreciatively. “These are good!”