Adriane Leigh - Light in Mourning

I didn’t know what it would mean for us if this was his child. I didn’t know if I could stay. I loved him, but this was so much. Custody and visitation and shared vacations. My mind ran away with all the potential complications this could hold for our future.

Could this break us?

I knew I loved Tristan. I knew this little boy deserved his daddy. I just didn’t know if I could be a stepmom. I didn’t know if I could look into the face of this little boy who looked so much like Tristan: a reminder of a shared night he'd had with another woman.

I didn’t know if I had it in me.

I walked into our bedroom and found Tristan propped against the headboard, staring off into space. I frowned at his vacant expression. His mind was consumed with thoughts; I could see them running a thousand miles a minute. I tried to quell the anxiety that had been building in my tummy all day. Tristan and Lexi had spent two hours talking at the kitchen table while Trevor and I played on the beach with Charlie, making sand castles and splashing in the waves. He’d asked me if Tristan was really his daddy. He’d said that he’d never had a daddy before. I told him I didn’t know, but with every word he said, my heart broke for him.

I took my time going through my evening routine of brushing my teeth and washing my face, because I was dreading crawling into bed with Tristan. After Lexi and Trevor left, Tristan had locked himself in his office. I didn’t know what he was doing, or thinking, but I didn’t bother him. I knew he needed just as much time to adjust to this as I did.

“Hey.” I crawled into bed beside him. He snapped out of his thoughts and curled an arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his body. He dipped down and kissed the top of my head, nuzzling his nose in my hair. I squeezed my eyes shut tight and melted into him. I burrowed into his chest and enjoyed the feeling of his soft skin against mine. I swallowed down the lump in my throat, but wasn’t able to calm the raging of my heart.

“I have to take care of him.” Tristan murmured into my hair. “He looks . . . he looks so much . . .” He sucked in a quick breath and held it, like he was waiting for my reaction.

“I know,” I whispered. Trevor looked just like him. Chances were good that Tristan was his dad. Tristan’s fingers kneaded into the muscle of my neck and I could tell he was staring into space again, his thoughts taking him away.

“Lexi and Trevor are in town for a few days. I asked her if I could take him out, spend some time with him.” Tristan stood across the kitchen from me the next morning, coffee cup in hand, hip resting against the counter and sexy as ever.

“Okay.” I stood and watched him, waiting for more, but unable to ask the questions, unwilling to pry.

“You don’t mind?”

“No.” I obsessively wiped the countertop down with a towel, anything to avoid looking in his eyes.

“Are you sure? I just don’t want to miss anymore time with him.”

“How long will she be in town?” That question came out clipped. I didn't mean it to, but it rolled out before I'd had a chance to catch it.

“She took a few weeks off. Once she tracked me down, she figured we'd need time to figure things out . . .”

“Do you remember her?” I asked without looking up at him. He didn’t answer right away, the waves rolling on the shore becoming louder and louder with each passing moment of silence that stretched between us.

“I’m not sure.”

I finally peeked up at him as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Did she tell you anything about . . . that night?” The words barely escaped my throat. It physically hurt to say them.

“She said we were at a little sports bar. A place I used to go to a lot. She said we took shots and played pool, and I was pretty wasted by the end of the night. She drove me home; she said it seemed like I was going through something.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like I was looking to forget something. Or someone,” he mumbled and looked away from me.

“Oh. Do you think . . .” I trailed off.

“She’s telling the truth?” His eyes darted back to mine. “I don’t know. I don’t see why she wouldn’t. She knew where I lived . . .” He gnawed on his bottom lip once he’d finished. “Four and a half years ago—the month it would have happened—would have been my birthday.”

“Oh.” My brows knit together in confusion.

“And the anniversary of my mom leaving,” he said so softly I had to strain to hear him.

“What?” I whispered.

“My mom left on my birthday. We had a birthday party, cake, pictures, everything was perfect, and then late that night . . . she left. Every birthday was hard for me—the anniversary of her leaving. I always got shitfaced to forget. So when she says it seemed like I was going through something . . . I was.”

My thoughts slammed through my head. Oh God, Trevor was his son. He'd had a one-night stand with Lexi. One night and they’d made a baby.

“Well, I’ve got stuff to do, so . . . I’ll see you in a few hours?”

“Georgia.” He set down his coffee cup and made his way toward me.

“No, it’s okay. Just go be with Trevor. He’s sweet; enjoy him.”

“Do you want to come?” Tristan’s eyes lit up.

“No, I can’t. I really have stuff I need to take care of. Calls and . . . whatever. So I’ll see you later?” I turned to leave the kitchen.

“Georgia, wait.”

I turned and watched him watching me. His eyes held a look of pain and confusion and anxiety. His shoulders were hunched over, both hands shoved in the pockets of his worn jeans. His white shirt fitted to his lean form. I wanted to run to him, press my nose into the fresh cotton, and inhale him. Take a hit of my favorite scent in the world, one that helped to center me.

“I’m afraid you won’t be here when I get back.” His eyes peered back at me. The pain that radiated across the kitchen held me stock-still, gazing back at him. I swallowed the lump that had lodged in my throat.

“I’ll be here.” I stepped up to him, running a hand along his cheek, feeling the stubble along his jaw line. “I’ll be here,” I murmured. His green eyes assessed me with a vulnerability I’d never seen before. It terrified me and broke my heart all in the same breath. I had the ability to destroy him if I left, and I’d never felt that before. He’d said that months ago and I'd believed him, but now I was seeing the concern etched across his face.

He didn’t trust me not to leave.

“I love you.” He snagged my hand, pulled my wrist up to his lips, and placed a soft kiss on my skin. “Every day, I love you.” He turned my hand over and placed a kiss on the glittering diamond I wore on my ring finger.

“I know.” I nodded and leaned into him. He enveloped me in his arms and rubbed my back. “I love you too,” I choked out as tears finally fell down my cheeks. I held him against me, letting the worry and anxiety seep out of my system. I was so ready for our path to be steady and straight, not rocky, with bumps in the road and obstacles meant to throw us off. I didn't know how much more we could take.

We stood there for an untold amount of minutes, holding each other, taking comfort because neither of us knew the path that lay ahead.

I stepped out onto the deck a few mornings later to find Georgia in the sweetest little short fucking cut-offs, her creamy skin revealed nearly up to there, so indecent all I could think about was twisting one fist in her wild fucking hair and running the other up her leg until I reached her pussy. Tingles raced across the base of my spine and my dick twitched in my shorts. I would never get enough of her; she had my blood set to a constant boil, ready to take her, make her mine at any given moment, regardless if I’d just been buried deep inside her.