Alla Kar: Stroke Of Fear

That’s so true. Instead of responding, I slip into my flip-flops and grab Cassie’s hand. “Let’s get this over with.”

The smoke is heavy in the air the closer we get to the campfire. Most of the camp counselors are already there, too. Mrs. Jones is passing out marshmallows and chocolate for the s’mores. She has that crazy Energizer bunny smile on her face. She just keeps going.

The fire is hot, cozy, and logs are set up around it in a circle. Some of the campers are whispering, hiding their jokes behind their hands. Cassie drags me, and I look up just in time to see Tanner. He’s leaning against a tree close by, eyes locked on mine. I try to wriggle from Cassie’s grasp, but she pulls me harder.

“What’s up, ladies?” Eric asks, wrapping an arm around Cassie’s shoulder.

Giving him a small wave, I fold my arms around my stomach. I’m nervous. How long has it been since I’ve been really nervous around a guy? Or wanted to…flirt? I can see Tanner from the corner of my eye but I can’t get the nerve to look at him. “You gonna stand over there by yourself all night? Or does the thought of talkin’ to me repulse you that much?”

Unable to stop them, my lips turn up at the corners.

“Ah, she smiles,” Tanner says, a hint of laughter lacing his voice.

“Hi, Tanner.” His name coming off my lips sounds right. Like it was always meant to be said from my throat—that one day I’d say it over and over again. Maybe scream it. Moan it.

Cracking a smile, he pushes off the tree. “Good evenin’, Aubrey.”

I try not to snicker, but I do. His voice is so slow…so fucking sexy. Cassie is one-hundred percent right. He’s sexy. As Hell .

“What’s so funny?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Your accent. It’s so…” I trail off. I’m so not going there with him. I can’t. I bite my tongue to keep from saying it —screaming it.

His breath is on the back of my neck, hot and heavy. A shiver grabs a hold of my spine and trails a line down my back. “So, what?”

A breathy sigh escapes my lips. Did I just really sigh? Fuck. My. Life.

He chuckles, it’s small, but I hear it. Feel it against me. “It’s so what, Aubrey?”

God, don’t make me say it. I so don’t even have to say it. But, I want to. I screw my eyes shut and tighten my fists. “Sexy.”

Not a sound comes from his mouth. Or maybe it does, my entire vision is blackening out, slowly. I’m sure my face is red. I hope no one can tell I’m completely turned on and the boy hasn’t even put his hands on me…yet.

“Counselors, it’s time to eat s’mores and tell spooky stories.”

My eyes start to focus again, and I feel myself pressed against Tanner. Oh, shit? Why am I leaning against him? How long had I been doing that? Please, God tell me I’m dreaming.

I take two large steps forward, trying my best to get the hell away from him. I can’t even look at him. Maybe I’ll fake sick. Yeah, just start dry heaving and then excuse yourself.

I feel Cassie tug on my arm, and I sit down beside her. “Aubrey, here.” The campfire cracks and a few sparks flutter down like fireworks.

Cassie wraps her arm through mine. “I totally saw you with Tanner. I almost pissed myself. Did you see Jake’s face?”

Jake? Had Jake saw? “I have no idea what happened. It was like I blacked out but not really. I felt relaxed. It was so fucking weird.”

Cassie squeals—lightly—in my ear. “You wanna fuck hi—”

“Aubrey or Cassie? Either one of you have a spooky story to tell?” Mrs. Jones keeps her voice friendly, but she is giving us a pay attention glare.

I nudge Cassie and she nods. “Yeah, of course, I do.”

Of course she does. Cassie starts talking, I have no idea what’s she saying, because I catch Tanner’s gaze from across the fire.

A young girl, probably around ten, is hanging on his arm, in mock terror. Her small glasses cover huge blue eyes. She’s adorable. She keeps pulling his arm down, but he doesn’t take his eyes off me. It’s the first time I’ve had a chance to look at his clothes since we got here. They’re easy to ignore with that face to compete with. A long-sleeved gray T-shirt is hugging his chest. He has on the same holey jeans from this morning, with work boots on. It’s the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. The moonbeams, rooting for me tonight, shine down, giving me a view of his face. The line in his jaw is hard, strong. A shadow of thin facial hair scatters along his cheek. My thighs warm at the site.

A small smile moves up his jaw, showing a dimple on his right cheek. As if he couldn’t get any hotter. Cue the fucking dimple.

He lifts an eyebrow and tilts his head toward the right. What? “Aubrey! Can you hear us?”

Shit, are they talking to me? “Huh?”

A few campers start to laugh, but Mrs. Jones gives them the evil glare. “Cassie finished her story. Do you have a scary story for us? Maybe something scary that happened to you.” She’s smiling. She has no idea.

Gripping my yoga pants into my fists, I stare at the ground. She has no idea what a truly scary story is. She doesn’t know that I’ve been to hell and back.

Pulling at my yoga pants, I shake my head. “I don’t have any scary stories.”

Some of the kids boo and beg me to tell them something. “Come on, Aubrey. You have to know at least one.”

Gritting my teeth, I shake my head again. “I don’t have any.”

“Aubrey—”

“I don’t,” I cut off Mrs. Jones. Every pair of eyes watch me. Tears start to build and heaviness presses down on my chest. Before the tears can travel across my face, I stand and run. Damnit . I know I’m being a baby, but I can’t think about it. My throat starts to close up—a thick lump that always keeps me from breathing.

The trees are starting to get thicker, the night growing colder. I don’t care. I just want away from them. I’m not going to be the freak. The one whose demons are always lurking in the distance. I won’t let them know the pain of my past. I won’t be anyone’s pity party.

When my legs can’t go anymore, I collapse against the ground. It’s cold, hard and limbs are poking me in too many places to count. I focus on steadying my breathing. My therapist once said to slow down, make the world go by your rules. Relax. Closing my eyes, I breathe in and then out several times until I’m calm. I watch the stars shine through the trees. The branches blow in the wind, sending a few leaves falling to the earth with no choice.

I smell him first. It smells like outside. Woodsy. Thick. I had smelled it today when I fell on him. I wanted to swim in it, bury myself in it, let it consume me inside and out. It feels like my hormones drank fifty energy shots. They’re running irrationally inside of me, holding up a banner saying Fucking jump his bones.

“I know you’re there,” I whisper, my voice fading against the crickets in the distance.

A few sticks protest against his weight, and then I feel his body warmth beside mine. “You’re not scared out here in the woods by yourself?”

It’s not the question that I expected. How are you? What happened? You want to talk about it? “I’m not scared of the woods,” I say. “They’re calming. Safe.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more. I used to go outside and stay in the woods. Whether I’m hunting, fishing, or walking. I love being outside. There isn’t anything better.”

I nod, knowing he can’t see. A gust of wind whips around us, blowing my hair away from my shoulder. I shiver as the coldness rolls over my skin, and my arm brushing against his.