E. Blair - Falling

“Sorry, man.”

“It’s life,” I say as I lie down on my board and paddle back out.

“So, I’m planning on leaving here next Friday morning,” my mom tells me as I sit in my office at home.

“Mom, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“It’s your birthday,” she exclaims, but we both know that’s not her reasoning for wanting to come.

“You never drive up here for my birthday. I know you’re coming to see Candace dance, but I just don’t know if that’s a good idea at this point.”

“I told her I was going to be there. I would feel awful if I didn’t show up. This is a huge night for her, and I’ve never seen her dance.”

“I just . . .”

“Her family turned their backs on her; I’m not going to do the same. I want to support her. No matter what happens with you guys, I’d like to at least offer my support.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen with us, Mom,” I tell her as I shut the lid to my laptop.

“How do you know that?”

“Jase told me last week that she’s done, and I should just walk away. So that’s what I’m trying to do.”

“I’m sorry, dear. I know you love her.”

Having her so close, blending so nicely with my mom and me, it was perfect. It’s something I don’t think I’ll be able to find again. Something I’m not sure I want to open myself up to again.

“You still there?” she asks when I don’t say anything.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Are you okay?”

Taking a hard swallow, I admit, “I don’t know how to be okay. I don’t how she’s moving on when I can’t.”

“Maybe she isn’t. Maybe she’s hurting just like you are.”

“Then why isn’t she coming back?” I ask as my voice slips.

“She could just be scared.”

“It’s been over a month, and I wanna run to her every day, but I know if I do, I’ll only be hurting her. She lives right down the fuckin’ street from me, but it’s like she’s across the world.”

My mother is at a loss for words, so I cut the conversation short, not wanting to talk any more, but as soon as we hang up, Tori’s name flashes on my phone when it starts ringing again.

“Hey, Tor.”

“Hey, how are you? I talked to Aunt Donna earlier today. Why didn’t you tell me what happened?”

“There’s not much to talk about,” I clip out.

“Well, what happened?”

Leaning back in my chair, I say, “You were right. I wasn’t honest with her and fucked everything up.”

“What did you lie about?”

“It doesn’t matter. I kept something from her that I shouldn’t have, and it’s done.” I’m tired and just need to blow this off so she doesn’t keep me on the phone. “Look, it was over a month ago, so there’s not much to say about it. Moving on.”

“Got it,” she responds. “You coming back here for Memorial Day weekend?”

“Maybe. Haven’t thought about it. But, hey, I’m gonna hit the sack, so I’ll talk to you later,” I tell her so I can hang up.

I’m about to throw the damn phone across the room when it starts ringing again, but this time when I answer it, all I hear on the other end is panic.

“Ryan?”

“Hey, Max. What’s going on?”

“Traci’s in labor. We’re heading to the hospital.” His voice is rushed, and I can’t help but laugh at the fear in him.

“So why are you calling me? Shouldn’t you be driving?” I ask with a chuckle.

“Because I know when I get there it’s gonna be us and her crazy-ass sisters driving me insane.”

“You better watch it,” I hear Traci bark at him in the background.

“Dude—”

“Okay. I’ll admit. I’m scared shitless,” he tells me when Traci butts in, saying, “You’re scared? Are you serious? I’m the one about to have a baby here and you’re on the phone with your buddy because you’re scared?”

“Shit, you’ve got your hands full,” I laugh, and the next thing I hear is Traci as she says, “Ryan? You there?”

“Hey, Trace.”

“Tell your buddy to calm the hell down and to stop being a pansy.”

The dramatics of this late night call are cracking me up, and I do not envy Max with having his girl fed up with him.

The phone muffles and then Max says, “You coming to the hospital?”

“You need to relax before Traci rips your head off, but yeah, I’ll be there.”

Seeing Max with a baby is a head-trip for me. Traci went into labor quickly, and by the time they made it to the hospital, it was too late for her to get any drugs, so now Max has some god-awful scratches on his arms where she took her pain out on him. But in the end, they have a healthy baby boy.

The sheer happiness splayed across his face is something that any man would envy. Max is content, and I couldn’t be happier for him, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t panged with a slight sense of jealousy. I never thought that settling down and having a family was in the cards for me, but with Candace, I was starting to believe that it could be a possibility. So in my attempt to move on, I hold his baby in my arms and shut my selfish emotions out as I sit here with one of my good friends as he gushes over his new son.

“How was your drive?”

“Long,” my mom says as she hugs me. “It’s good to see you.”

“Come in,” I tell her as I take her bag and set it against the wall. “Max called a little while ago. He said that Traci is feeding Bennett and now would be a good time to come over, so if you still wanted to see the baby, we should head out.”

“Of course I want to see the baby.”

Grabbing my keys, we leave and make the drive over to Max’s place. My mother has gotten to know Max a little over the years, and she never passes up an opportunity to hold a baby, so when we arrive, she melts at the sight of Bennett.

We settle ourselves in the living room, and Mom doesn’t even wait for me to introduce her to Traci. She is already sitting next to her, making her own introductions, and before I know it, they’re chatting away. My mom just has this way about her that can put anyone at ease. Candace loved that about her.

“So, what’s been going on?” Max asks as he flops down on the chair.

“Just covering for you every day,” I tease.

“Ha, nice, man.”

“Got another band booked.”

“Yeah? That’s good. So what’s going on with Mark and the guys?” he asks, and I’m momentarily distracted when I hear my mom talking gibberish to the baby.

Shaking my head and laughing at her, I turn back to Max and tell him, “They’re gonna alternate Saturdays with the new band for the next four weeks, and then their contract is up.”

“Is he staying here in Seattle?”

“Yeah. He and Jase had a few interviews at some firms in the city,” I tell him.

“Nice.”

“How have you been? You look like shit.”

“Dude, this kid wakes up to eat every two hours. When we first brought him home he slept solid for the first few days, but now he’s up around the clock.”

“Sounds great,” I joke when I turn to Traci and ask, “So how’s this guy really holding up?” I laugh as I nod to Max.

She shakes her head and teases, “For such a big guy, you wouldn’t think he’d be so squeamish.”

“Don’t listen to her. I’ve got this completely under control,” he defends with a smile.

“Oh my goodness,” my mother squeals as we all turn to look at Bennett when he lets out a massive fart.

“Holy shit!” I crack up, nearly doubling over at the insane gas that baby just released.

“Ryan!” my mom scolds. “Don’t cuss in front of the baby.”

“Are you serious, Mom? He’s barely a week old. Little dude doesn’t even speak English,” I laugh out as she rolls her eyes at me.