Robin Alexander - Pitifully Ugly

of sad not to have her in my daily life.

“Sure you won’t take the cash back?” Marvin lowered my

suitcase to the sidewalk in front of my building a little later.

“Sure you won’t tell Kalen anything?”

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Marvin laughed and gave me a quick hug. “I won’t say

anything, cash or not.”

As I walked through the courtyard, I felt relieved to be home,

but there was a pang of sadness, too, as I looked at the empty

bench where I usually found Hailey. With the distraction of the

trip behind me, I realized that I missed being with her. I wondered

if maybe she missed me, too. A glance at my watch told me that

she should be home from work by now, but there was no sign of

her. I tried to tell myself it was all for the best as I rode in the

elevator to my floor.

I unpacked my things and started the laundry. Bone tired, I

warmed a can of soup and looked at my computer. Whatever e-

mails, if any, would have to wait until morning. I took my bowl

and a packet of crackers to the sofa and ate while watching TV. I

only meant to lounge for a while, but the next morning, I awoke

fully dressed with the remote still in my hand.

A knock at the door halted my trip to the shower. I fully

expected it to be Kalen ready to hear a firsthand report on the

trip, but when I looked through the peep hole, I was surprised to

see Hailey. I looked down at my wrinkled clothes and figured that

the rest of me was equally frightening. I ran my hands through

my hair and opened the door with a shy smile.

Hailey’s brows rose as she took in my appearance. “Rough

night?”

“Rough week.” I opened the door wider and motioned for her

to come in. She looked uncomfortable as she brushed past me and

leaned against the bar.

One of the suitcases that I was too lazy to put away the

previous evening lay in the middle of the living room floor. I

watched as Hailey glanced at it and back at me. “Business trip or

just a getaway?”

“Business, unfortunately.” I walked into the kitchen and set

up the coffeepot. The tension between us seemed more solid than

the bar that separated us. “And your trip was?” I tried not to sound

bitter.

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I watched out of the corner of my eye as she shrugged. “I

needed time to think.”

“When did you get back?” I measured the water for the coffee.

“The day you left. I wanted to talk to you then, but you were

gone before I worked up the nerve to come up here.” She was

silent for a moment. “I watched you leave from my window.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because I thought it would be better to talk face to face.” I

could hear the scraping of the bar stool as she pulled it back and

took a seat. I couldn’t make myself look at her. I heard finality in

her tone, and even though I figured whatever we had was over, I

wasn’t looking forward to hearing her say it.

“Want coffee?” I watched the dark liquid fill the pot.

“Sure,” she said after exhaling a long breath. “I need to

explain something to you, Shannon.”

I folded my arms and closed my eyes dreadfully waiting for

her to continue.

“You’ve no doubt heard the saying ‘what goes around comes

around.’”

“Many times, yes.” I poured our coffees and turned to slide

hers across the bar. When our gazes met, she looked tired. Her

eyes didn’t have the familiar sparkle.

“I haven’t let myself get close to anyone since the divorce,

mainly because I’m afraid that if I get attached, I’ll get hurt the

same way…the same way I hurt my husband.” Hailey’s hands

shook slightly as she lifted the cup to her lips. “I was attracted

to you the minute we met,” she said after she swallowed. “And

when I realized that it was actually you I was talking to online, I

tried to back off. You were just so damned irresistible, and I felt

myself giving in.”

Referring to me in the past tense as she did made my heart

sink. I sagged against the counter, suddenly feeling exhausted

and longing for my bed.

“When you came home from visiting your family, you seemed

so distant, and the warning bells started to go off. I panicked.”

“I guess I felt a little panicky, too.” I didn’t want to have to

admit that I had some fears of my own, especially after Kalen had

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gotten through with me. “There’s something I need to know. Like

what happened to the woman you had the affair with?”

Hailey’s face showed surprise and her lips tightened and

formed a straight line. “She lost interest after the divorce. I think

it was a thrill for her to sneak around. Once the marriage ended,

so did we.”

“So that’s not where you went when you left?”

“Of course not.” Anger flashed in Hailey’s eyes. “I went to

the corporate apartment to think things over.” Hailey stared down

at her cup for a minute. When she looked up at me, her eyes were

teary. “I don’t think I’m ready for anything serious.”

“I am,” I said with resignation. I hadn’t realized it until that

moment. I didn’t want to casually date. I just wasn’t cut out for it.

Once I found someone I was truly interested in, I didn’t want to

play the field to see what else was out there, and unfortunately, I

was still very infatuated with Hailey.

I wanted to tell her that I’d wait forever for her to come around,

but as I looked into Hailey’s misty eyes, I felt myself giving in,

and I let her off the hook as gently as I could. “I don’t want it to

be awkward when we pass each other in the hall, but I think it’s

best that we give each other some room.”

Hailey’s lip quivered as she wiped at her eyes with the back

of her hand. “I wish I was in a better place because you’re a great

catch.”

“You are, too,” I said. “One day, I hope you’ll be able to

accept that.”

Hailey tried to smile. “Thank you for the coffee, but I need to

get back to my place and get ready for work.”

She looked so miserable as she stood. I wanted to take her

into my arms and tell her everything would be okay, but my heart

was breaking along with hers. If I took her in my arms, I didn’t

think I’d be able to let her go. I stood rooted as she walked to the

door and let herself out. Maybe it was just exhaustion, but I felt

my own eyes well up as I stared down at her coffee cup. I took

a long shower and crawled into bed. Maybe it wouldn’t sting as

much after a long nap, but I doubted it.

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Chapter 22

Kalen + pizza = indigestion.

For weeks, I did my best to avoid Hailey. Instead of cutting

through the courtyard, I used the garage entrance to come and

go, not that I went anywhere much. I found myself often watching

Hailey in the courtyard from my window as she walked Fuzzy.

She’d bounce the ball for a while, but Fuzzy would take it and

drop it in a flowerbed before returning to rest her head on Hailey’s

knee. Even Fuzzy seemed to be sad.

It was a wet and miserable day, so I was surprised to see Kalen

letting herself into the courtyard on a dismal Saturday morning.

As she made her way up the walk, I saw Fuzzy dart toward her.

My heart thudded when Hailey came into view, and Kalen shook

her hand while pointing up to my window. I stepped back when