Molly McAdams - Needing Her

“No, Maci . . . don’t do that because of what that douche said.”

“The only two guys I’ve been with have both told me to grow up within a short time. There has to be truth to that, and if this is part of the process of growing up . . . then it’s what I’m going to do. I know it won’t bring Connor back to me; I never meant anything to him.” I winced saying those words out loud. “But I can mean something to someone. I just—­it’s just what I need to do,” I said resolutely before walking out of the bathroom and crawling back in bed.

Amber slid onto my bed instead of going to her own and wrapped an arm around me, holding me tight. “They’re both assholes if they couldn’t see how amazing you are. You’re going to make some guy ridiculously happy just the way you are, Maci. Don’t change because of two guys.”

But I’d already made up my mind. I knew what had to be done. I was just hoping that my physical makeover could somehow help with the heartache I wasn’t sure I could get over.

Connor

MY PHONE RANG somewhere beside me, and I slapped my hand around on the bed until I found it. I didn’t know the number, but that didn’t mean much, I just hoped like hell it wasn’t work. I’d just gotten back from my parents’ house and had endured hours from them, Amy, and Kevin over what I’d done to Maci two nights ago. Like I didn’t already hate myself enough as it was. After that, it was safe to say I really didn’t want to deal with work when I was supposed to be on vacation.

“This is Detective Green.”

“I had high hopes for you. What the hell did you do to her?”

I sat up and glanced at the screen again. “Excuse me, who is this?”

“Maci’s been walking around this cabin like she belongs on The Walking Dead . Of course, I’m the only one that knew about you, so I know this has to do with you. What did you do to my best friend?”

“Amber, look there’s a lot about Maci and me that you don’t know.”

She snorted. “I know that you’re a dick, and you broke her heart! I know that she’s taking out her piercings and saying she’s going back to blonde. I know that Bryce is in Mammoth too and telling Maci’s dad that he’s going to marry her, and I’m pretty sure after the shit you pulled, she’s considering it!”

I was already off the bed and running through my apartment, looking for my keys and wallet. “Why the fuck is Bryce there?”

“Surprised you never noticed that his family has a cabin up here too.”

“She can’t marry him, he doesn’t fucking care about her! He wants to change her; he wants to make her into what he thinks a wife should be. Not who Maci is.”

“You know, for a guy who said all he did was fuck her,” she sneered, “you sound more pissed off than you have a right to be.”

“Amber, I told you, there’s a lot that you don’t know. I . . . shit.”

I slammed my fist on the frame of the door and tried to talk myself out of driving up there. She needed to find someone else. I was hearing those words repeating themselves in my mind, but I wasn’t understanding them. Because at the moment, all I could think about was the sick feeling spreading through my stomach at the thought of her with Bryce. With anyone. She was mine. Fuck her brothers.

“I’m on my way.”

“It’s about damn time! Freaking hell.”

I shook my head as I locked my door and ran down the hallway. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“I saw you and Maci together, there’s no way you can tell me you didn’t care about her. I also know you’re Dylan and Dakota’s best friend, and I saw the way they flipped out over Bryce talking to their dad last night. For Maci, I wanted to hate you and castrate you. But I knew there was something about this whole situation that just didn’t make sense. After seeing the twins’ reaction, I started piecing it together. This phone call just confirmed my suspicions.”

“It was ugly when I told them about us. I can’t imagine it’s going to go over well when I get there—­just be there for her now. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Maci

MY HAIR WAS naturally straight, I usually just messed with it enough that it had that just-­fucked look. But even so, I used Amber’s flat iron to make sure it was perfect, before pulling it back in a low bun and stepping back to look at myself in the full-­length mirror. Even with still having red hair, I hardly recognized the person staring back at me. My makeup was a little lighter, the nose ring was still out, my hair was smooth, and I looked like I probably belonged on Bryce’s arm with the black peacoat I had on over my cream long-­sleeved shirt. But it wasn’t those changes that made me unrecognizable.

I usually smiled. I usually looked happy. Right now there was nothing, no emotion, no life in my eyes. I looked like I should be going to a funeral instead of a late Christmas Eve dinner with my family.

Forcing a smile, I immediately let it fall when it came across looking pained.

I shouldn’t be this upset about Connor, but I was. I shouldn’t have let myself fall in love with him, but I had. And at the moment, I didn’t know how I was going to make it through another family meal acting like everything was fine when it wasn’t.

Amber walked into our room and stopped quickly, a fake smile immediately pulling at her lips. “Don’t you look . . . different.”

“Why thank you, why don’t you just tell me I look like shit?”

Rolling her eyes, she crossed over to my bed and sat down. “Because you don’t. You’re really pretty, Maci. Like, you have no idea how much it pisses me off how gorgeous you are. You just don’t look a thing like my friend.”

“I don’t say anything when you endlessly go back and forth from blonde to brunette other than the fact that you’re killing your hair. You change the way you look, I’m changing—­”

“You. You’re changing you , not the way you look.”

I blinked slowly at her and turned toward the door. “We talked about this—­it’s time for me to grow up. Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“It’s Bryce’s version of you growing up. You don’t need to change anything about the way you look, and it’s killing me to watch you do this to yourself. You’re trying to kill off my best friend. You’re shutting her up. You’re hiding her, however you want to see it, but you and I both know you won’t be happy like this.”

I stopped at the door and turned on her, whispering in case anyone was in the hall. “You only think that because I’m not happy right now. I’m going to be fine, I’m growing up, and I’m moving on. If you have a problem with it, then get the fuck over it. I don’t need my best friend telling me that I shouldn’t be a certain way!”

Amber’s head jerked back, and her eyes got massive.

“Look, I know I’m being mean right now, but you have no idea how tired I am of everyone constantly telling me what I should or shouldn’t do. You always told me not to see Bryce, and now you’re telling me not to change the way I look. My brothers won’t let me date anyone and are incessantly bugging me about that. Bryce always told me to stop cussing and told me I had to change the way I look because I looked like a mistress instead of a wife. And for some goddamn reason, every man in my life except for my dad is telling me to grow up. Obviously, whatever I’ve been doing is wrong, so I’m changing that. The only person who is just telling me to be who I want to be is my mom, and I can’t even tell her about being in love with someone because it will get back to my brothers. Do you understand how fucking tired I am?”