J. Cooper - Everlasting Sin

Until that last night. That last night I’d had a shot of vodka and gained some liquid courage. That night I’d thrown caution to the wind. And it had been marvelous. Making love to Hudson had set my heart and body on fire; I’d never known it could be like that. So sweet and hot and sexual. I hadn’t known that there were tastes and feelings that could make my body pulse with such pleasure that I didn’t want it to end. And I hadn’t wanted it to end.

As I had lain in his arms, soaking him in, I hadn’t wanted the night to end. And that was why I’d deleted the text messages. I could still see them clearly. The messages and the missed calls. “Hudson, come pick me up at the bar. I’m drunk.”

I hadn’t even hesitated as I’d pressed delete so quickly and casually. I wasn’t going to let her ruin my night. It was supposed to be our night. It was supposed to be about me and Hudson. I didn’t want him to feel guilty. I didn’t want him to think about her. He was going to dump her. He didn’t love her.

I’d been childish and selfish and jealous, but it didn’t even matter because I had still lost Hudson. And I’d cost Clara her life. And the guilt of what I’d done continued to consume me. I knew I needed to tell Hudson the truth. He had to know that it was my fault that Clara was dead. I was the reason he hadn’t gone to pick her up. Only I was scared. I was scared that not only would Hudson stop talking to me forever, but that he would hate me forever as well.

Hudson

Present Day

I sat at the back of the bus by myself. I was angry that Riley had shown up, but I tried to tell myself I didn’t care. I’d made a mistake kissing her the other day. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I’d seen the look of shock in her eyes. The fear and the pain. She was disgusted by me. She probably thought I couldn’t keep it in my pants. I was like every other guy. I let sex guide me. I let lust guide me. I wasn’t an honorable man. I was a killer.

I clenched my fist as I sat back, watching Riley laughing and talking with Justin. Though, I was glad it wasn’t Channing. I would have killed Channing if he even thought about talking to her. She looked beautiful of course. When she’d arrived, she’d given me a scared look, as if she’d thought I was going to shout at her and tell her to leave. I’d been angry to see her of course. However, another part of me had been excited. Really excited.

I listened to her laugh, and a part of me was warmed by the sound. I groaned softly to myself. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be near her. I didn’t deserve to be.

I closed my eyes and tried not to stare at Riley like some creep. Instead, images of her filled my brain—images of happier moments in time.

“Hudson, wanna go fishing?” Riley’s ten-year-old voice was eager as she walked into my room.

I shook my head. “Not really.”

“Oh.” She came and sat on my bed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m studying.” I sighed, not wanting to be bothered by her.

“What are you studying?”

“Botany,” I lied.

“What’s that?” She made a face and reached for my book.

“Plant stuff.” I grabbed my book up to my chest. “Why don’t you go and bother Eden?” I snapped.

“What?” She frowned and looked at me with sad eyes.

“Nothing,” I sighed, feeling bad but still holding my book close to my chest.

“Why are you so mean?”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Because I’m the boss.”

“Boss of who?” She looked around.

“The boss of you. Duh.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

“Yeah, I am.” I raised an eyebrow. “Go and get me some water.”

“No.” She shook her head.

“Go and get some water and I’ll take you fishing.”

“Really?” She looked at me eagerly.

“Yeah,” I grinned at her. “Sure.”

“Okay.” She jumped off of the bed, ran to the door, and stopped.

“Go and get me my water, minion.” I laughed and lay back. “I told you I’m the boss.”

“I saw the boob in your botany book.” She raised an eyebrow at me and grinned. “Happy studying, Hudson.” She giggled and ran out of the room as my face went red.

Shit! I threw the book and the Playboy magazine it was supposed to be hiding on my bed.

“Riley!” I screamed as I ran out of my room.

“Yes, boss? ”

“Don’t tell my mom.” I glared at her as she giggled. She was a pain in the ass.

“Yes, boss .”

“Stop calling me boss.”

“Yes, boss .”

“You’re so annoying.” I glared at her. “Don’t tell anyone or I’ll never take you fishing again.”

“Uh huh.” She smiled, and I rubbed the top of her head and walked back to my room.

I opened my eyes then, feeling sad. I missed having Riley in my life. She’d always been a pain in the ass, but she’d always been someone close to my heart. I supposed in a way it had been inevitable that we fell in love. She’d always had a piece of my heart from the very first time I’d met her.

I watched as Riley turned her head slightly and looked at me, and I looked away quickly. I sat there for a few seconds and then looked back to the front. Riley was no longer looking at me, but Channing’s gaze was on me with a knowing look. It took everything I had to not get up and punch the smug look off his face.

This weekend was supposed to be about bonding, and while I had no intentions of bonding with Channing, I didn’t want to let anyone know that before we’d even arrived at the campsite.

I sighed as I realized that I was going to have to interact with Riley once we got there. There was no way I could just ignore her. I had to learn to get a handle on my emotions and feelings. I had to be prepared for the looks I was sure she would be getting from every guy on the trip. I knew that there was no way that all the other guys would be able to ignore her. She was beautiful and nice and kind and sexy.

I jumped up and walked to the front of the bus, before I could stop myself.

I tapped Riley on the shoulder. “Hey.”

She looked at me in surprise. “Hi.” Her eyes were curious, and I saw a flash of excitement in them, but she didn’t smile at me.

“I was wondering if we could talk.”

She frowned. “You want to talk to me?”

“That’s what I said,” I huffed, annoyed that she hadn’t gotten up already.

“What about?”

“Yeah, what about, Batman?” Justin chimed in, and I tried my hardest to keep my mouth shut. I liked Justin and didn’t want to have to smack him.

“Riley.” I said her name softly, and she gazed up into my eyes. We stared at each other for a few seconds and then she stood up.

“Fine.” She followed me to the back of the bus, and I heard Justin shouting after us.

“Don’t leave me, Riley,” he sang out, and a couple of the guys laughed.

“So?” She sat down in the back next to me, and I could see the question in her eyes.

“I wanted to just say hey.” I shrugged, feeling inadequate.

“You could have said hey while I was at the front.”

“I thought we could talk.”

“About what?” She leaned back and looked at me expectantly.

“Maybe we can be friends?” I felt awkward saying the words. This was a girl I loved. This was the girl whose virginity I had taken, yet here I was, asking her to be friends like we were strangers.

“Sure.” She nodded and looked down.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you the other day.”

“You already told me that.”

“I’m sorry that I told you to leave.”