Juliana Haygert - Playing Pretend

I opened my mouth to retort, but I knew better. Instead, I lowered my gaze and my voice. “Do I need to come?”

“Of course you do. The people love to see how happy our family is.” Was she kidding? Happy? Us? A family, just the two of us? “Besides, we need to find you a good young man with a brilliant political future to marry. There will be plenty of candidates in Washington that weekend.”

Oh, joy! A good young man with a brilliant political future! My mother had planned my entire life for me since before my birth. Besides my weekly meetings with my friends, who my mother didn’t know and wouldn’t approve of, my life was ruled by my mother.

A lump in my throat, I nodded and whispered, “As you wish.”

Charlotte

Even my major wasn’t of my choosing.

Not that I didn’t like political studies, but perhaps if I hadn’t been “enthusiastically encouraged” into it, I would actually enjoy it. At least my mother stopped pushing me into politics. Instead, she now made plans for my brilliant future as a famous lawyer or a judge.

My mother had been acting even more distant since I had gotten back from spring break a month ago, so it was a surprise to see the black Lincoln my mother rode in parked in front of one of the college buildings.

I had my own car. Why was my mother picking me up?

Smoothing the sudden surprise, but with a wary furrow shaping my brows, I slid in the backseat with my mother. She looked impeccable, as always, her legs folded and her back straight as if it had being nailed to a wooden board.

“What happened?”

“I’m leaving for an important meeting, but need to talk to you about something.”

Acid churned deep in my stomach. My mother never came to tell me something. When we needed to talk, she waited for me at the Executive Mansion. This couldn’t be good.

“The son of Senator Williams is here in Richmond, and I promised his father you would go out with him tonight.”

The acid in my stomach burned, melting my guts. “What?”

My mother’s eyes fixed on mine, outrage spilling from them, wrapping around me, suffocating me. “Is that a retort?”

I held my breath. “No.”

“Good.” She faced the front of the car again, as if the driver was invisible. “His name is Donnie. He’s going to pick you up at seven and take you out for a nice dinner. Then show him the city. His driver knows Richmond, so he’ll know the places you name.”

“Okay,” I said, my tone small, just as I felt.

“Now go.” My mother waved me off. “I’m on a schedule here.”

I opened the door and stepped onto the sidewalk, each of my feet weighted like two lead bars. “Bye.” I closed the door behind me.

The dark window went down and my mother leaned into it. “Do me a favor and pick something I would pick to wear. None of your short skirts or gigantic heels.” Her disapproving eyes ran the length of my body, examining the jean skirt and the wedges I had on. “Make me proud.”

Unable to move, my gaze followed the sleek car as it drove away.

When it rounded the corner, my cell phone rang. I checked the screen before answering. “Hey, Liana.”

“Are you coming?” my friend asked, her voice tense.

“I can’t go.”

“Uh-oh.” Liana tsked. “Your mother again?”

I snorted. “What else?”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” I sighed. “It’s just … it’s been harder since spring break. I don’t know. Before it was easy to go along and blend in. Sometimes, I even had fun. It was … okay. Now? Now I’m having a really hard time blending in and pretending to care.”

“Oh, hon. I honestly think you are the strongest girl I ever met. If I was in your position, I wouldn’t have last half a day.”

And I had been doing this for years. Why, goddammit, did I need to feel bothered about it now? I could have gone another nineteen years oblivious to the outside world, not knowing how much fun normal people had. How nice it could be not to care about paparazzi, rumors, reputations, and careers. But that was only a dream for me.

I exhaled, trying to eliminate the tight feeling in my chest. Once more, I had to miss our skate date because of my mother. “Say hi to MaryAnn and Becca, please. Have fun.”

“You have fun with whatever the evil queen wants you to do.”

I grimaced. I hated the nickname Liana had given my mother. I ended the call and whispered to myself, “Here is hoping.”

Charlotte

Donnie showed up in the driveway of the Executive Mansion exactly at 7 p.m., wearing a brown suit and a yellow tie, and with the posture of a ballet dancer. Besides his neat grooming and his wide smile, Donnie looked like a young politician in training, exactly the way my mother liked.

A shudder ran through my body as I rested my hand on his outstretched one. He kissed it and led me to the Rolls-Royce.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

I suppressed the desire to roll my eyes at him. As my mother had requested, I chose a caramel pencil skirt and a burgundy shirt with a low V-neck. My long dark hair was up in a tight ponytail. I may look beautiful, but like this, I didn’t feel like myself.

“Thanks.”

Without another word, I tilted my face away and stared out the window, my mind traveling in time and my body longing for the memories left on a beach in California. The car started moving, taking me away with a guy I didn’t want to get to know.

Why couldn’t I find a Mason type in this life my mother chose for me?

Mason

I closed the box with tape, and then opened an empty one. I grabbed a few pants and shirts from my closet and threw them inside the box.

“You don’t need to go so soon, you know.” My mother leaned against the doorjamb, her arms crossed.

Her eyes were swollen. She had been crying since last evening, when I told my father and her about my transfer. But what was I supposed to do? I had been accepted to a great college on the East Coast, and with a good scholarship. Right now, my only focus was my structural engineering master degree and there was no way I wouldn’t accept it. Not when the other option was to stay here and be the same, do the same: go to the nearest college without a scholarship, work to pay my expensive tuition, and be worried about bumping into Tamara everywhere I went.

“I know.” I went to my closet and grabbed a few more things.

Though my classes began mid-August, I didn’t see the point in staying in town for the summer. I would only work the next three months and I could do that in Washington, D.C. Besides, it would be nice to get to know the city and make some friends before classes started.

“So you’ll just leave? You could wait until June. Just two more weeks until June. Please?”

I turned to her and tried to will my voice to be gentle. “Mom, you know I wouldn’t live in your house forever. I was planning on leaving anyway.” Not sure how I would have accomplished that, but still. I had wanted to move out for the longest time.

“Yes, but when you talked about it, it was still in town. I would probably see you every day.”

I sighed. “Again, Mom, you can’t expect me to always be around. I need to live my own life. Like you did. Didn’t you move away from your parents when you were about my age? And you never went back?”

She averted her eyes. “That’s different.”

I chuckled. “And why is that?”

She shrugged. “Because you’re my son. I was young and alone and trying to make my life.”

“And what I am?”

“Please, don’t act like you’re more mature than me. This is hard.”