Jillian Dodd - Hate Me

“As planned. I’m glad I went.”

“And I’m glad you’re back here safe.”

“Me too. What’d you do last night?”

“Tried to catch up on homework. Passed out at nine. I’m a wimp.”

“It takes a lot of energy to heal, Aiden. You’re not a wimp.”

“I was able to put some weight on it when I showered this morning. I’m hoping not to have to wear the boot for the dance.”

“I suppose it would be hard to dance with it on.”

“Not if we’re slow dancing.”

“True. I hope we get to do a lot of that.”

“Me too,” he says. “And, more importantly, I’ll be able to take it off later. That’s the real reason I begged them not to cast it.”

“It’s sweet you’d even think of that when you were in pain.”

“What was even sweeter was you on top of me the other night.”

Before I walk into my class, I smile at him, give him a kiss on the cheek, and whisper, “There was nothing sweet about it. It was pure hotness.”

“Tonight’s Christmas party is going to be a blast,” Riley tells me. “I’m hoping you ladies bring some of your naughty Santa gifts. Make the night more interesting.”

“Aiden should bring his dice. That would be a fun thing for couples to play.”

“What dice?”

“They say things like lick, suck, and blow on one dice and then you roll the other die for which body part to do it to.”

“Are they naughty?”

“They are pretty clean, but there is a player’s choice, so you could make it that way. So, other than the furry handcuffs, I haven’t heard what you’ve gotten.”

Riley grins. “I have a secret crush on whoever my Santa is. I got the pink furry handcuffs. Still waiting to use them. Let’s see, a spinning beer pong rank. Gonna destroy Aiden tonight. Body parts bingo. Already had some fun with that game. A Tuggie . . .”

“What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s the fuzzy sock that warms your co . . .”

“Never mind! I think I saw that when I was shopping. Have you tried it? Does it keep it warm?”

“Don’t know, but it’s leopard print. And I got a matching leopard baby doll outfit for Ariela to wear. Rawr.”

“You’re funny. What else?”

“Edible body paints.”

“Nice.”

“What about you?”

“Honestly, I’m pretty sure I know who my Santa is.”

He plays dumb. “Really?”

“Riley, I know it’s you.”

“I wouldn’t tell you if it was.”

“I know. It was a good idea. And a lot more exciting than my dorm secret Santa. Although Katie and I have been enjoying all the candy.”

Our teacher comes in with a big tray of homemade cinnamon rolls in the shape of Christmas trees. “Yum. All we’re going to do in class today is eat. Best day ever,” Riley says.

In English class, Dallas is also going on about his naughty Santa.

“This morning I got this little red bong. Can’t wait to use it tonight. This party is going to be epic.”

Katie takes the chocolate Santa out of her backpack. “This is what I got. Can’t wait to get this thing in my mouth.”

She undoes the foil from the top and brings the top of it to her mouth.

“Katie!” I yell, realizing that the Santa is really a large chocolate dick.

Dallas starts laughing. Rolling-on-the-floor, tears-coming-out-of-his-eyes laughing. “Ohmigosh, you just said you couldn’t wait to get it in your mouth.”

Katie looks confused. Then she holds the chocolate out in front of her. “Ahhh!” she screams, which, even though we’re having a Christmas party in this class too, gets the attention of our teacher.

She’s marching back toward us.

“Put it away!” I tell her.

Dallas is still laughing so hard he can’t talk.

“Katie!” our teacher exclaims. “If you have candy, you need to share it with the class.”

At which point Dallas really starts crying. “Share it with the class, Katie.”

I think Dallas’ laughter is contagious because all of a sudden, I can’t stop either. I still keep picturing Katie almost putting it in her mouth. And I can picture her walking around to each desk breaking off a piece of it for each student.

“Is it solid or cream filled?” Dallas screams.

“Mr. McMahon, I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” our teacher says. Then she actually sees what’s in Katie’s hand.

“Suck on it. Let’s find out,” he continues.

“I’m not sucking on it,” Katie says. “Not if I have to share it,” she adds naughtily.

“Alright, you three. You can take your naughty chocolate down to the dean’s office.”

“Do we have to share it with him?” Dallas asks, still dying with laughter.

As we’re escorted out of class and head toward the office, I say to Katie, “You’re gonna have to bite off the tip.”

“Suck it off. Suck it off,” Dallas chants.

“We’ll get in trouble if you don’t bite it off. With the tip gone, it looks like a chocolate Santa.”

She tosses it to me. “No, you bite it.”

“I’m not biting it.” I try to give it to Dallas. “You bite it.”

“Oh, no. Not me,” he says. “No, wait. I have a plan. Wrap it back up.”

I wrap the Santa back up, making it look like it had never been opened.

Dallas takes it from me. “Watch this.”

He walks into the dean’s office and says to the secretary, “Mrs. Potter, do you have all your Christmas shopping done?”

“Almost,” she says. “What are you doing out of class?”

“Mrs. Major sent me down. She handed out chocolate Santas to our class and had an extra one. I offered to bring it down to you.”

“Oh, well, isn’t that sweet?” She gives him a conspiratorial grin and says, “I’ll have to tease the dean with it.”

Katie and I bite our lips to keep from laughing as Dallas says, “I’m sure the dean would love that. Merry Christmas!”

We all walk out of the office, run around the corner, and collapse onto the ground in a fit of giggles.

“Ohmigawd! I can’t believe she said she’d tease the dean with it!”

Dallas says, “She loves chocolate. I bet she has it open in three, two, one . . .”

“Ahhhhhh!!!” we hear her scream as the bell rings.

I’m a big girl.

Drama

When I come offstage after my improvisation exercise, I check my phone.

Damian: Question, since you’re still alive.

Me: Not funny. It was a good plan.

Damian: Troy just told me all the details you wouldn’t tell me. Sounded more like a script for an action film than a plan.

Me: Well, Riley and I scripted it out.

Damian: You told him the truth?!

Me: Part of the truth. He thinks it was my best friend who was stalked. That her dancing in a cage a couple weeks ago was my idea. And he knows about the girl that got killed. I couldn’t hide how upset I was. He knows I went back there to take her spot and that it was kind of dangerous. Honestly, I told Riley a different story in Miami. So I had to lie about lying. The lies are starting to pile up. Getting hard to keep them all straight.

Damian: So the video Riley did of you on the plane.

Me: Yeah?

Damian: Our label hired this guy who is supposed to be a creative genius to do our video. He sucks. Like really, really sucks. Wanted to make it a piece of art as opposed to a music video that goes with the song. The video is supposed to release on New Year’s Eve. Even with my connections, I can’t find anyone who’s willing to shoot it for us over the holidays. So I was wondering if Riley might be interested in trying his hand at it. We want it fun, campy, like something we’d have shot ourselves, just better edited. And, of course, you promised to be in it.