Kendall Ryan - When I Surrender

“Are you going to watch the game or are we going to pretend this is Oprah?” I asked.

He smirked. “Fine. But the guys know something’s up. You’re not yourself. You’ve been acting like a dick ever since McKenna took off. Care to tell me what’s really going on?”

The feeling that I’d lost McKenna churned in my gut. I couldn’t sleep. Food didn’t taste right and when I tried to drink to numb the pain, I couldn’t even catch a buzz. Luke had taken Tucker to the public library, so it was just me and Jaxon at home today. “I talked to McKenna. She’s coming home soon.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, I think so. But she said we have to talk when she gets back. I think she’s had some sort of realization about her past and finally accepted that her parents were killed by a drunk driver and not because of anything she did.”

“And?” Jax drew out the word.

Apparently I needed to spell it out for him. “And she doesn’t know I was arrested for drunk driving and that my sentence was what brought me into her class in the first place.” Not mentioning it at the time was an omission – it just never really came up, but keeping it from her now felt like a deceitful lie.

“Shit. That sucks.”

I blew out a frustrated breath. “Tell me about it.”

Jax flipped the channel on the TV. “That’s why I don’t do love. As soon as you let your walls down, shit falls apart and then you’re the one sitting there feeling like shit. It’s easier to hit it and quit it.”

“Nice, Jaxon.”

He shrugged. “It’s just the truth and you know it. You lived that way for years.”

I couldn’t argue; he knew my history too well. “Well, sometimes feeling something is a good thing. It reminds us that we’re still human.” I’d rather be having no sex with McKenna than be sleeping with a bunch of random girls, but I knew nothing I said would get through to him. He’d have to figure all this out on his own one day, too.

Jaxon rose from the couch and handed me the remote. “I know I’m not good at this shit, but you know you have to talk to her, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, bro.”

I knew I needed to talk to her, but I wasn’t sure that would make a difference. With her new-found clarity and anger toward the drunk-driver who killed her parents – what could I possibly say?

I couldn’t wait any longer. After the four hour drive with nothing but the radio to keep me company, I couldn’t resist going straight to Knox’s place. With darkness settling in, I parked on the street and grabbed my overnight bag from the backseat before jogging to the front door. I’d been planning on coming home tomorrow, but as the morning had stretched on, I became more and more anxious to see Knox. I’d hastily packed, said my goodbyes, and hit the road. I wanted to surprise him.

Tucker answered the door a few moments later.

“Kenna!” He latched himself around me, squeezing tightly.

“Hi, bud. I missed you.” I leaned in and kissed his forehead.

“I missed you, too. Are you back for good?”

“Yep. I sure am.” Following him inside, the cozy familiar feeling of being home settled over me. A tower of Legos was half-built on the living room rug and the TV was playing cartoons. The house even smelled the same. I inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of boys. “Where is everyone?”

“Luke and Jaxon went out somewhere, but Knox is here.”

My heart picked up speed. I couldn’t wait to see his deep soulful eyes, to kiss his scruffy jaw, inhale his masculine scent. I’d missed him so much. “Where is he?”

“Knox?” Tucker asked.

I nodded.

“He told me to wait down here. He brought a girl upstairs.”

My stomach dropped like a stone and I broke out in a cold sweat.

“McKenna? Are you okay?”

I pulled in a lungful of air. “I’m fine.” I couldn’t let him see the blood rising in my cheeks or the sheer panic in my eyes. Turning from Tucker, I marched up the stairs. The journey up the three flights of stairs felt like an out of body experience. I floated above myself and watched my legs climb each step, my shaky fingers gripping the banister. My pulse thundered in my ears as I waited outside his closed bedroom door. With my heart pounding way too rapidly to be safe, I raised my fist to knock. Then stopped. And listened.

Low feminine moaning followed by Knox’s voice giving some type of command.

Bile shot up my throat and I swallowed, forcing the sickness down. With tears clouding my vision, I reached for the door knob and pushed open the door.

What I found inside the room was the last thing I’d expected to see. I fell to the floor, my legs giving out beneath me as the adrenaline in my bloodstream rioted.

“McKenna?” Knox’s confused voice asked in the distance.

The moaning hadn’t stopped and I brought my hands up to cover my ears and squeezed my eyes closed. Footsteps crossed the room toward me and I felt Knox’s strong arms close around me, and movement as he lifted me from the floor.

“Breathe, angel,” he whispered into my hair. “Amanda, clear a spot on the bed….” I felt him place me on his bed and I began to thrash, trying to sit up, to move but his hands held me firmly. “Stay put. We need to talk.” His low authoritative voice whispering my name was the last thing I heard before I let the blackness pull me under.