Kendall Ryan - When I Surrender

I shrugged. I hadn’t talked to Bri yet – with this being a spur of the moment decision and all. “Probably around the holidays. I know his mom will want to see me.” With Christmas just a week away, it made sense.

“You’re still staying over tonight, right?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Of course I do. I’ll always want you here, McKenna.” His voice was so sincere and the look in his eyes was genuine, but I still felt like something was missing. I’d gotten him to open up and I’d convinced him to let me share his bed, but I hadn’t gotten what I really wanted – the real Knox, unedited and genuine. He was still holding part of himself back and that hurt more than I ever thought it would.

I headed into the bathroom with my backpack, planning to brush my teeth and change clothes. Instead, I sank down on the toilet lid and silently cried.

After I’d dried my tears, I cleaned myself up and emerged from the bathroom a short time later. I found Knox waiting for me in bed with just the soft glow of his bedside lamp to guide my way. I crawled into bed beside a man who owned my heart and made me dizzy with desire, yet offered me so little in return. Maybe this was some type of self-punishment I was putting myself through. Wouldn’t Brian be the easier choice? He’d love me unconditionally and without all this worry that kept my stomach in knots. But maybe that was just it. Anything worth having wasn’t going to come easily. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I’d fallen in love with Knox, and I hoped me heading home to Indiana would give him some time to think about what he wanted.

I was losing her. And that couldn’t happen. With desperation, I dragged her across the bed and positioned her beneath me, kissing her hard until I felt her respond, her tongue sliding against mine, her legs parting to let me press closer. I hated that this felt like goodbye and I was using the only coping mechanism I had – sex. But I couldn’t open myself up for love again and be crushed in the process. This was what I had to offer and while I wondered if McKenna could accept that, her body seemed to be on board.

Her dancing around her talk with Brian and taking off for home meant one thing. She was keeping her options open just in case I fucked up again. She would need someone to fall back on, and Brian was her backup plan. I couldn’t fuck up again or I’d send her straight into his arms for comfort. The realization terrified me. Because while I might be holding it all together right now, there were no guarantees that I’d remain on this path. And if McKenna was set on going home, I would show her exactly what she’d be missing.

I might not be able to tell her I loved her, but I could make her feel good. Moving from her eager mouth to her throat, my lips pressed against her pulse point, feeling her heart riot in response. Planting damp kisses and peppering her with gentle bites, I worked my way lower, removing her T-shirt to reveal her ample chest. I wasn’t capable of going slow just now and McKenna’s writhing, whimpering responses told me she was okay with that. I nibbled at the skin between her breasts, pushing them together and feasting on them greedily. I loved her tits. The way they rose and fell dramatically with her breaths, the moans that would escape her when I flicked my tongue across their peaks…she made me rock hard from her taste and scent alone, and then add in the sounds she made and I was done.

Pushing her pajama bottoms and panties down her legs, I positioned myself on top of her. I was rougher, more demanding than last time and I wasn’t sure if it was my fear taking over or just that the need for her was consuming me from the inside out. Finding her wet and ready, I sheathed myself in a condom and took her roughly, plunging into her again and again until I felt her give way and I was buried to the hilt.

I pressed my face into her neck, needing to breath in her scent, needing to know it was just her and me. “Christ, angel, you feel like a hot little sleeve squeezing me.”

“Knox….” She moaned out my name long and low and tightened her grip around me. Her nails scratched into my shoulders, but I appreciated the pain. That way I knew this moment with her was real. I pounded into her, again and again, taking from her. Taking every bit of emotion she made me feel and using it as fuel.

She had embedded herself into my life, made me need her. I'd never needed a woman the way I needed McKenna. Her bright smile. Her giving nature. The sound of her laughter, the curse words she made up when she was playing video games with my brothers. She held complete power over me and that scared the shit out of me. I hated the idea of letting her go away with Brian, but saw no other choice.

Sex used to make me feel in control, but this was anything but controlled and organized. McKenna tore through all my layers, refusing to submit. She was an active participant, encouraging, panting, angling our bodies to drive me deeper, and hell if I wanted to stop her.

Soon I was fighting off the inevitable climax I could feel building at the base of my spine and I focused on bringing McKenna to the edge. I wanted her helpless and sobbing my name. Spreading her knees wider, I slowed my pace, dragging my length in and out of her slowly while simultaneously rubbing her clit over and over with the slick juices between us. Her eyes slammed closed and she groaned.

“Open them, angel.”

Hazy blue eyes struggled to focus on mine and I continued rocking into her at my languid pace until she found my gaze.

“Be a good girl and don’t come until I do.”

Her eyes widened and she let out a soft whimper. I pumped into her hard and fast, slamming my cock into her warmth until my balls tightened against my body and pleasure was ricocheting through my bloodstream. I pulled out of her at the last moment, tearing off the condom and coming all over her tight little pussy. I marked her swollen pink flesh, using my cock to rub my semen against her clit. McKenna moaned out loud, watching as I pleasured her.

I brought her fingertips to her belly where some of my fluid remained. “Touch your nipples.”

She obeyed, taking her breasts in her hands and using the moisture to rub her nipples. Watching her touch her breasts while I pleasured her was the most erotic sight. I rubbed her clit with the head of my cock, using the stimulation to bring her to orgasm. “Come for me, angel.”

Her climax hit her hard. Her hips bucked off the bed and her nails bit into my thighs as tremors passed through her shuddering form.

We lay together for a long while, our bodies slick with sweat and sex, but neither of us caring. My cock softened and the evidence of our lovemaking dried long before I was ready to move. This felt like goodbye and I hated the idea of letting her go off alone and deal with her past, including whatever it was she needed to explore with Brian. I climbed from bed and while the water heated for the shower, I delivered a damp cloth to McKenna to clean to herself. Neither of us spoke a single word. Shit, we even avoided eye contact while we cleaned ourselves up and dressed for bed, crawling between the sheets a short while later. I wasn’t sure what had changed, but I knew something had. McKenna had a choice to make on her trip home and I had to decide – if she came back to me – how to fully let her in.

The events of last night had me reeling and the harsh light of morning did nothing to bring clarity. When I’d told Knox about Brian’s advances and that I needed to go home, he’d been so indifferent. But then he’d taken me to his bed – our lovemaking rough and passionate. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was his way of letting me go.