Tara Sivec: Shame on Me

Kennedy’s family, along with Lorelei, Griffin, and me, are all standing around our offices waiting for Kennedy to finally come out of the bathroom. Earlier, I was happy to come here tonight and toast my best friend and her newfound love. Now, I’m preoccupied and freaked out that someone is going to ask me about the case.

It’s been an hour since I left Matt at the bar. Actually, it’s been one hour, eight minutes, and thirty-five seconds. But who’s counting?

Me! I’m counting!

I can still feel his lips on mine, and I can still hear the anguish in his voice when he told me about his wife cheating on him and trying to take away his father’s company. He’s a good man; I can feel it. I want to beat that bitch Melanie to the ground, but I can’t. She signed a contract with us and we have clearly defined rules and regulations in that contract that state there will be no conflict of interest and that everything we do will be to protect our client. Matt isn’t our client, Melanie is. Melanie: the gold-digging whore.

I listen distractedly as everyone talks around me, wondering if Kennedy would let me quit for a week so I don’t violate the contract by helping Matt.

“Oh, speaking of whores, what’s going on with that case of yours, Paige? Weren’t you working on catching some slutty guy whose wife suspected him of cheating?”

The swallow I take of champagne goes down the wrong pipe immediately when Kennedy’s brother, Ted, questions me. I cough and try to take a breath as he comes over and pats me on the back, adding more champagne to my glass.

I feel my cheeks redden, and I look away from Ted quickly, chugging the entire glass of champagne in one swallow.

“Guy? What guy? There’s no guy. I don’t know a guy. Who wants more champagne?” I ask, grabbing the bottle from Ted’s hand and walking away.

Thank God Kennedy walks in the room at that moment and I don’t have to acknowledge the questioning look he’s shooting at me.

Standing by the wall on the opposite side of the room, I forgo my champagne glass and drink directly out of the bottle while everyone fawns over Kennedy in her short red dress and awesome Jimmy Choo shoes that I let her borrow. No one cares that I’m drowning my sorrows in cheap champagne.

“Did you just drink directly out of that bottle? What’s going on with you?”

I sigh and rest my head against the wall as Lorelei folds her arms and raises her eyebrows at me, waiting for me to talk.

“Nothing is wrong. This champagne is just delicious. I didn’t feel like waiting to pour it into my glass. It’s such a waste of time.”

“Nice try. Give me the bottle,” Lorelei demands, holding her hand out to me.

I reluctantly hand it to her and glance over her shoulder at Kennedy and Griffin, wrapped up in each other’s arms, staring into each other’s eyes.

I want that for myself. I didn’t think I did, but I really do. I miss having someone look at me like that. Like I’m his whole world. I don’t really know Matt. I certainly don’t trust him; I doubt I’ll ever really trust another man again. But I can’t deny that kissing him made me remember what it was like to have someone special in my life. I want more than an empty condo to go home to and a job where I have to be a liar and kind of slutty. I want to stand for something. I want what I do to mean something, and I feel like helping Matt is just the ticket I need to show people that I have a brain.

“Were you able to track down Matt Russo again?” Lorelei questions, bringing me out of my depressing thoughts.

“Ummm, yep. I tracked him down.”

Lorelei stares at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

“Doesn’t Kennedy look great in that dress? I’m so happy for her and Griffin,” I muse.

Lorelei narrows her eyes at me and when I bite my lip and try to reach for the champagne bottle, her eyes widen.

“Paige, what did you do?” she demands.

“Give me the champagne.”

She holds it farther from my reach and I cross my arms in front of me, refusing to let her force me to tell her what happened. This is my problem and I’m going to deal with it.

“Tell me you didn’t. Paige, did you compromise the case? Did you tell him what you were hired to do?”

I immediately get defensive. I’m not an idiot. I’m just confused. “No! I didn’t tell him what I was there for!”

At least I’m not lying about that part.

“Okay, so what’s the problem then? Were you unable to get any good photos of him cheating? It’s no big deal if it takes you a few tries,” Lorelei says.

“There’s no problem. I got the photos and everything is fine,” I tell her with a sigh.

Lorelei turns and we see Kennedy and Griffin kiss. They couldn’t care less that they are in a room full of people right now; all they care about is each other.

“Is that what’s wrong? Are you sad that you haven’t found someone like Kennedy has?” Lorelei asks softly as we continue to watch Kennedy and Griffin together.

“Yeah, maybe that’s it,” I admit to her as Kennedy and Griffin say good-bye to everyone and head out on their date.

Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m seriously considering fucking up the opportunity Kennedy gave me by going behind her back and starting a new case of my own.

“Paige, you are a sweet, honest person and a great friend. You’ll be okay,” Lorelei reassures me.

My chest starts to ache as I feel her turn the knife a little deeper into my heart with her words. I thought that by walking away from Matt I would be able to forget about him and his problems. Instead, they followed me home. Even the guilt I feel at Lorelei’s words isn’t enough to make me change my mind about what I’m going to do.

As soon as I kissed him, I knew I would help him. I’m sure if I explain to Kennedy that there isn’t a case here with Matt being a cheater, we could close it and open up a new one for him so there isn’t a conflict of interest. But I know Kennedy won’t believe me. She thinks I’m a softie, and she’ll just assume I’m taking Matt’s side because he’s hot, especially since I convinced her she should trust Griffin because that man is sex on a stick. It doesn’t matter if I was right; I need to be smart about this.

I need to have solid proof that Melanie is the cheater before I bring Kennedy in.

Paige, please. You’re being unreasonable.”

I grit my teeth and try my hardest not to throw the phone against the wall as I sit at my desk and listen to Andy beg. I knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone this morning.

“I’m being unreasonable? Are you kidding me with this right now? I’m not giving you any money, Andy. If memory serves me correct, you already have plenty of my money. That’s why we’re divorced,” I remind myself.

Like clockwork, every week for the past month, Andy has called asking for money. He’s either extremely desperate, or has the biggest set of balls known to man. And since I was married to him for five years, I know for a fact the latter isn’t true.

“I’m not asking for a lot. Just a little bit to tide me over until my bonus from work comes in. I swear I’ll pay you back,” he pleads.

“Right, like you paid me back the six hundred grand you stole? I don’t think so.”

“We were husband and wife. It’s not stealing. Everything is fifty-fifty when you’re married,” he reminds me.

“Wow, my math must be really rusty, because you didn’t take fifty percent, YOU TOOK IT ALL!”

I’m shouting now. I really hate him for making me lose my temper.

“I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important. I owe someone money and this person is going to kill me if I don’t pay off my debt,” Andy explains.