Kelly Jamieson - Breakaway

“Maybe he was celebrating making the playoffs,” Delise suggested, her face somber.

Remi paced around her living room, not really seeing anything.

“No.” She shook her head. “The playoffs already started. I can’t imagine why he’d do that. But clearly, he got carried away, drank a bit too much, got arrested…” she rolled her eyes, “and was too embarrassed to tell me. But that doesn’t explain why he played so little tonight or why he got in that fight that cost the game.”

“I don’t know, Remi.”

“Something’s wrong.” After examining all the facts, she concluded that something was definitely wrong. Clammy-hands, heart-freezing, gut-churning wrong. And if he wasn’t going to tell her what it was, she was going to go to him and make him.

Except he was in another city. Dammit. And he wouldn’t be back in Chicago until Thursday.

Jason sat down in his coach’s office, his insides a mass of twisted nerves.

“Okay, Jase. What’s going on?”

He was getting tired of that question. Tired of hearing it, tired of trying to talk his way around it.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit. You go out and get wasted last weekend, act like an asshole, get arrested, show up for practice the next day so hungover your face was green and you could barely skate. Then you get in a stupid fight and take a dumbass penalty that cost us our first playoff game. Last night you didn’t play much better.”

Jason slumped in the chair, unable to meet Dan’s eyes.

“You’re saying that’s nothing?”

He shook his head.

Dan waited. “Fuck.” He shook his head, his mouth tight. “Okay, then. If nothing’s wrong, get your shit together and act like the professional you are. We’ve got another game tomorrow night, and if we lose, we only have one more chance. We need you, Jase, but I won’t hesitate to bench you if you aren’t able to get your head in the game. This is not the time to be out drinking and partying and acting like an irresponsible teenager.”

Jason winced.

He rubbed his forehead.

“You’re better than this, Jase,” Dan continued, his voice easing.

Shit. Jason’s stomach rolled over.

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong? Maybe I can help.”

And that did it.

Jason leaned one elbow on the armrest of the chair and covered his eyes while he tried to get his tight throat to relax enough to speak. He tried and nothing came out. Cleared his throat. Swallowed.

“I found out on Saturday that my ex-girlfriend is pregnant.”

Silence. Then, “Jesus.”

“Yeah.” Jason took his hand away and met Dan’s eyes. “It’s not that…I don’t want…fuck.” He swallowed again. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve been seeing someone else—someone I really care about. Christ! I don’t want to hurt her.”

Dan nodded and leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. “Yeah, I guess I see the problem. So she’s pretty upset about this?”

“She doesn’t know.”

“Oh. Jesus, Jase. You gotta tell her.”

“I can’t tell her.” Anguish slammed into him like a body check. “I don’t know what to tell her, because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Am I supposed to break up with her so I can be with Brianne? So we can get back together and be parents to this baby? Am I supposed to ask Brianne to marry me?” His voice cracked.

“Oh, man.” Dan rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know the answers to those questions, Jase. I can’t tell you what to do. But a couple things I can tell you. First of all—you have to deal with this. We’re in the playoffs. We need you here and present, mind and body and soul, every game, all sixty minutes. You can’t let your personal life interfere with your professional life.”

Jason nodded. “I know.” He felt like dog crap on the sidewalk about how unprofessional he’d been. He tightened his mouth.

“And I can tell you that you’re a good man. You’ve got a good, solid background—your parents brought you up right. Yeah, you’re young.”

“I’m twenty-nine.” Not a kid. Not like Remi’s younger brother wanting her to bail him out of missing an exam. Jason was old enough to be taking responsibility for his own mistakes, just like he’d urged Remi to make her brother do.

Dan waved a hand. “From where I’m at, you’re young. But you’re right. You’re a grown man and you need to figure this out. You need to do the right thing.”

“I don’t know what the right thing is. The right thing for me is different than the right thing for Brianne. And for our child. And for Remi.” He rubbed the ache in his chest. “I don’t want to be selfish, but…I just don’t know.”

“Go,” Dan said. “We’re done with our practice. You’ve got the rest of today and tomorrow to figure this out. Go do what you need to do, but I expect you here tomorrow night for the game, a hundred percent ready to play.”

Jason nodded and stood. He felt like a teenager in trouble for staying out past curfew, except this was a way worse infraction than that. He left Dan’s office, trying to keep his head up. He got what Dan was telling him. They paid him big bucks to play hockey, not to mope around with his head up his ass, pouting because things weren’t going his way.

Yeah. He had to deal with this. He still didn’t know exactly what he was going to do, but one thing he knew—he had to tell Remi.

Usually Remi loved having kids visit her after class. Some of her current students stayed and some of her former students, now in grade seven or eight, often came after school to hang out in her classroom, sometimes helping her mark spelling tests or clean up, good kids who she enjoyed talking to and laughing with.

But today she had to get out of there, like now.

“Sorry, everyone,” she said, packing her briefcase. “I have to leave early today.”

Well, it wasn’t early, but it was early for her since she usually stayed late.

“Aw, Ms Buchanan. Not already.”

She smiled at them. “Go home. Go play video games and eat junk food or something. Go bug your parents.”

They all laughed, knowing she was kidding. Slowly they started to make a move to leave, but not fast enough for her. She tapped a foot and resisted the urge to get up and drag them out.

Then a big shadow appeared in the door of the class room and the kids all yipped. “Hey! Jase!”

Her heart stopped. Then thudded fast and hard, making her dizzy.

God, he looked rough. Dark beard shaded his jaw and tension drew down the corners of his mouth. He clearly hadn’t shaved since she’d last seen him. His tousled hair stuck up in all directions and he wore the most faded, ripped and ragged pair of jeans she’d ever seen, along with his expensive lamb-soft leather jacket. Most impressive of all was the black eye.

His eyes met hers, but he gave the kids smiles and talked to them for a minute.

“What? It’s not Wednesday?” he asked. “You mean I’m here on the wrong day?”

“Stars for Reading is over!” they told him.

“Oh no!”

They all laughed. His eyes met Remi’s across the room.

Thank god it was over. Dropping his pants in a restaurant and getting himself arrested wasn’t exactly being a good role model for the kids. They would have kicked him out if the program was still going.

“Hey, I need to talk to Ms Buchanan, so scram.” He grinned at them, a strained grin, but they listened to him better than they’d listened to her, which made her want to pout briefly, and in only seconds the classroom was empty and she and Jason were alone. They looked at each other. She had a hard time getting air into her lungs.