Джули Салливан - Friends and Strangers

The pause was long enough that it served as an answer. Her heart sped up. Blood pumped in her ears.

“It was so brief, I honestly don’t even think of it as a marriage,” he said. “I thought things were fine. Then one day, I came home and Laura was gone.”

Laura. The name on the empty folder in his email account. Sam was eager now to know what those deleted messages would have revealed.

“It was nothing like the kind of wedding we’ll have,” Clive said. “Laura had to be in control. I did whatever she said. She wasn’t agreeable, like you.”

“Agreeable?”

“We went to City Hall and then out for a curry with friends. That was it. That was our wedding.”

Something he’d said on their first date came back to her now: Here’s City Hall, where the young brides get showered in rice each afternoon at two.

At the time, she thought it sounded like poetry.

“Which friends?” Sam asked.

“Hers, mostly. And Ian and Chevy, Rowan and Dave B. A few others. I don’t even remember who. My brother and Nicola.”

“All of them knew. Your mom knew. The kids. Nobody ever let on in front of me.”

“I don’t think anyone thought it was relevant.”

“An ex-wife? Irrelevant?”

“They were so happy for me when I found you,” he said. “You’re my soulmate. I’d been depressed over everything with her. It wasn’t just the relationship ending. I was broke. I had to move out of our place and into this awful bedsit. Then into Ian’s spare bedroom. It was humiliating.”

“You two had your own place,” she said, like a fool.

Of course they did. They were married. But she had never pictured him as someone else’s.

“Laura made good money, but she’s materialistic. She made me buy her this ridiculous diamond ring. I’m still paying it off. I felt worthless. Then I met you. You accepted me for who I am.”

“When did she leave you?” Sam asked.

“It would have been the November before last.”

“Five months before we met.”

“I guess so.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“At first, everyone thought it was a fling between us. I think even you and I thought so. I didn’t think you needed to hear about that. I tried not to be with you, in the beginning. I purposely didn’t ask for your number when we met. And then when I did call you that first time, I decided I shouldn’t ask you out. I know you’re too good for me, Sam. But I fell in love with you. I guess everything with her left my head. It didn’t matter anymore.”

“Were you divorced yet when we met? Are you even divorced now?”

Her teeth chattered as she said it.

“Yes, I’m divorced now,” he said. “I wasn’t then, technically. I was in every sense but the paperwork. I wasn’t in touch with her. She’d already gone back to Spain.”

“So all those years you lived there, you were with her.”

“Yes. She wanted me to be some working stiff. I worked for her father’s company in Barcelona. Then she wanted to be in London all of a sudden, so he sent us. We were happier in London, or I thought we were. We got married. Her idea. But we had only been married six months when she left. Sam, I swear to you, it’s not a big deal. You’re being childish.”

“You lost your job because her father was your boss.”

“Right.”

“I need to go,” she said. “My friends are waiting. Listen, my parents asked if you could maybe not come to graduation. They think it will be strange for my grandmother. Plus, there’ll be too many people to wrangle, you know.”

“You’re joking,” he said.

“It’s not a big deal,” she said. “Good night.”

—

Sam woke to five text messages from him, asking her to call as soon as she was up. There was a text from her mother too, apologizing for how things had gone between them, but not going back on what she’d asked.

There was no word from Elisabeth.

It all felt like too much. When Sam saw her reflection in the bathroom mirror, her neck was covered in pink, splotchy hives. She lifted her T-shirt. They were all over her stomach too.

She heard footsteps, and then Isabella appeared in her fluffy blue bathrobe.

She was trailed by a sophomore wearing boxer shorts and an enormous T-shirt.

Sam ignored the presence of the sophomore.

“Please don’t talk about me behind my back,” she said.

Isabella blinked. “Sorry?”

“You know what I’m referring to.”

“Sam. Is that you? Am I dreaming?”

“This isn’t a joke, Isabella.”

Isabella looked at the sophomore, who was pretending to be immersed in the application of toothpaste onto toothbrush.

“Elisabeth says you’re worried about Clive and me. You think our relationship is a big mistake. How come you never felt the need to say anything to me about it?”

“Christ,” Isabella said. “Why did she tell you that?”

“I wasn’t aware that you two hang out,” Sam said.

“I ran into her at CVS. It was a casual conversation.”

“Do you know how often I hold my tongue when it comes to the shit you do?” Sam said.

“Yes!” Isabella said. “That’s what friends do, isn’t it?”

“Friends support each other,” Sam said. “Real friends. Which, not surprisingly, you’ve never had, have you?”

Isabella looked for a second like she might cry, and then her face turned angry instead.

Sam pushed past her into the hall.

—

She called Maddie at lunchtime, not wanting to go back to the dorm to eat.

She sat in the grass outside the library, listening to the phone ring, terrified that it would go to voice mail.

Then Maddie picked up.

Sam heard an ambulance siren in the background. She heard Maddie walking down a windy city block, a sound like someone crushing a paper bag.

“Hey, what’s up?” Maddie said.

“Not much. Just my whole life is falling apart.”

Sam told her about the job offer, about her mother, about Elisabeth, and Clive and Isabella.

“In one day, I’ve gone from feeling like the luckiest person alive to like I can’t trust anyone,” Sam said.

“You can trust me,” Maddie said. “Are you and Clive breaking up for real?”

“I don’t know. What do you think I should do?”

“I can’t decide that for you.”

“Yes, you can. You know me better than anyone. Please.”

Maddie sighed. “Come here. Take the job. Live with me. You don’t have to stay forever.”

“Now that Elisabeth and I fought like that, maybe she called them back and said not to hire me. Maybe I don’t even have the job anymore.”

“Sam. You do.”

“I can’t afford to live there on what they’ll be paying me, and with my student loans.”

She wanted Maddie to talk her into it.

“Can I?” she added with a smile.

Sam could hear Maddie smiling back. “We all feel that way when we get here, but we manage. You’ll figure it out.”

“No one ever thinks they have enough money,” Sam said.

She plucked a gray, feathery dandelion from the ground.

“Good point,” Maddie said.

Sam blew the soft petals into the air.

“Elisabeth told me that.”

—

All day Tuesday and Wednesday, Sam wondered what would happen on Thursday, when she was next supposed to babysit. She waited for some sign from Elisabeth. She wasn’t going to show up and pretend nothing had gone on between them. Then again, she couldn’t imagine not showing up to work. She’d never done that in her life. And she needed the money. Not just her weekly pay, but whatever Elisabeth planned to pay her for the portrait.

By Wednesday night, she still hadn’t heard anything.

In the morning, she thought she had a sore throat. Maybe she was too sick to work. Maybe fate had decided for her. But no. After a shower and a cup of coffee, to her great annoyance, Sam felt fine.