Филиппа Карр - Will You Love Me in September

"I have news for you, Clarissa," she told me. "I'm going to be married.”

I stared at her in amazement and then suddenly the truth dawned on me. "Benjie!" I cried.

She nodded. "He has asked me and I have said yes. Oh, most joyously have I said it.

He is the kindest man I ever knew. In fact he is a wonderful man and I can't believe my good luck.”

I hugged her. "I am so pleased ... so happy. You and Benjie. It's obvious ... and absolutely right.”

I felt that a great responsibility had been lifted from my shoulders. This concentration on responsibility was becoming an obsession. Benjie was no longer someone to whom I owed something. He had lost Carlotta and myself-well, now he would have Anita.

Arabella's comment was, "Harriet would have been pleased.”

They all agreed that it was the best thing possible for the pair of them.

"Of course," said Priscilla, "we shall have to think of getting a new governess for Clarissa.”

"We shall never get anyone like Anita," sighed Arabella.

Damaris said she would teach me in the meantime and added that Anita must be married from Enderby, which was, after all, her home.

So the wedding took place. The preparations absorbed Damaris, for she was determined that Anita should feel that she was one of the family. I think we were all especially happy for Benjie's sake. He had changed; his melancholy had dropped away from him.

It was wonderful to have something happy taking place.

So they were married, and Anita left Enderby Hall to set up house with Benjie at Ayot Abbas.

I had passed my eleventh birthday when the Treaty of Utrecht was signed. There was a great deal of relief about that because it meant that the war was over. Great-grandfather Carleton discussed it constantly, and at the dinner table at Eversleigh Court we heard little else. He would bang the table and expound on the Equities of the Jacobites and how this was their coup de grace.

"Best thing that could have happened," he said. "This will teach those traitors a lesson. Louis will have to turn them out of France now. There's no help for it. We shall have them sneaking back to England.”

"Everyone has a right to his or her views, Father," Priscilla reminded him.

He looked at her from under his bushy eyebrows and growled, "Not when they're treacherous Jacobite ones.”

"Whatever they are," insisted Priscilla.

"Women!" muttered Great-grandfather Carleton.

We were all glad that the war was at an end, and as Philip of Anjou was now King of Spain, it all seemed pointless that it had ever taken place. Priscilla's brother Carl would probably be home now, for he held a high position in the army, and that would be a source of delight for Arabella and Carleton.

The year passed peacefully. I went in the summer to Ayot Abbas and was delighted with the change since my last visit. There was no doubt that Anita and Benjie were happy. The house was more as it had been when Harriet was alive.

It was September, a rather chilly day, for the mists had continued through the afternoon and we had not seen the sun. I had ridden over to Eversleigh Court as it was a Sunday and it became a habit for us to dine there on that day. Grandmother Priscilla was insistent that we keep up the habit. It cheered Arabella, she said, who had never really recovered from Harriet's death and whose health was not as robust as it had been.

Even I could see the change in both great-grandparents. Arabella looked very sad sometimes, as though she were looking back into the past, and her eyes took on a misty look as she remembered. My great-grandfather made a show of being more irascible man before, but at times he was a little unconvincing.

I remember we had dined and were sitting back sipping elderly wine which had come from Arabella's stillroom, and she Priscilla were assessing its quality and comparing it with the . Carleton was rambling on about his favorite topic- Jacobites. The fact that my father had been one of the leaders made no difference.

Whenever he thought of them his face would grow a shade more purple and his eyebrows would quiver with indignation.

I always felt a need to defend them, because whenever he talked in this way it brought back vivid memories of Hessenfield. Sometimes I wondered whether Carleton knew this.

He had a mischievous streak in his nature, and when he was interested in young people he would tease them more persistently than if he liked them less. I would often find those bright eyes peering out from the bushy brows, which seemed to have sprouted more hairs every time I saw him.

Even now, although he was supposed to be talking to Leigh and Jeremy, his eyes were on me. He had probably noticed my rising color and a certain flash in my eyes.

"Ha, ha!" he was saying. " 'Get out,' said the King of France. Court of Saint-Germain!

What right has James to set up a court of his own when he's been drummed out of the only one he could lay claim to!”

"He had the permission of the King of France to do so," Jeremy reminded him.

"The King of France! The enemy of this country! Of course he would do everything he could to irritate England.”

"Naturally," put in Leigh. "Since he was at war with us.”

"Was! Ah ... was!" cried Carleton. "Now what will happen to our little Jacobites, eh?”

I could not bear any more. I thought of Hessenfield-brave, strong, tall. He became taller in my mind's picture as time passed, and so had I magnified his virtues, so diminished his faults, that he had become the perfect man. There was none like him, and if he had been a Jacobite, then a Jacobite was a wonderful thing to be.

"They are not little," I burst out. "They are tall ... taller than you are.”

Carleton stared at me. "Oh, are they indeed? So these traitors are a race of giants, are they?”

"Yes, they are," I cried defiantly. "And they are brave and ...”

"Just listen to this," cried Carleton. His eyes opened wide so that the bushy brows shot upward, and his jaw twitched, which usually meant he was suppressing amusement.

He looked fierce, though, as he banged the table. "We've got a little Jacobite in our midst. Now, my girl, do you know what happens to Jacobites? They are hanged by the neck until they are dead. And they deserve it.”

"Stop it, Carleton," said Arabella. "You're frightening the child.”

"He is not!" I cried. "He just said Jacobites are little, and they are not.”

Carleton was not going to be deprived of his teasing.

"We shall have to be watchful, I can see. We must make sure that she does not start a conspiracy here in Eversleigh. Why, she'll be raising a rebellion, that's what she'll be doing.”

"Don't talk such nonsense," said Arabella. "Try some of these sweetmeats, Clarissa.

Jenny made them specially for you. She said they were your favorites.”

"You talk of sweetmeats when our country is being put to risk," cried Carleton. But I knew he was only amusing himself at my expense, and I was satisfied, because I had made my point about the height of Jacobites and had stood by Hessenfield, so I turned, to the sweetmeats and selected one which had a flavor of almonds, which I particularly liked.

Carleton's attention had strayed from me but he was still with the Jacobites.

"They say the Queen favors her brother. That's what comes of women's reasoning.”

I looked at him sharply and said, "That's treason against the Queen. It's worse than saying Jacobites are tall.”

I saw his chin twitch and he was putting on the fierce look again.

"You see, she will betray us all.”

"It's you who do that," I reminded him, "by speaking against the Queen.”

"That's enough, Clarissa," said Priscilla, who was always nervous about political issues. "Now I am tired of this talk, and we will leave the men if they want to fight out their silly battles on the table. I should have thought the recent peace, and all the losses we have suffered to reach it, would have been sufficient answer to all their theories.”