Jennifer Murgia: Angel Star

His kiss stopped my rambling. “Looks like I’m here to stay.”

“You mean…?” I stumbled over my words. “Are you…?”

“No, not completely, like you. What you did, when you came after me, showed me that as long as you believe in something then any risk is worth taking, even if you risk failing. You see, I have to stay.”

I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears. He looked so human, disheveled and worn out, but that would be our secret. And to me he couldn’t have looked more wonderful.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still find a way to protect you.”

He snickered. “Of course, I might call on y o u for protection now and then. You’re going to put me out of a job.”

I shook my head back and forth, clueless.

“You saved me from the fire.” His blue eyes were melting a hole right through me.

“I saved you? But how?”

Is this what the doctor meant?

“You found me lying in the woods. I don’t know how you did it but you managed to drag me out. When we got to the road, a car happened to be driving by and you flagged it down. Now we’re here.”

Then he smiled and leaned over to kiss me. I closed my eyes, imagining it all and it seemed surreal to me.

Except him. He was real. He was here and I was never going to lose him again.

Then something cold came over me. The truth. I had set the truth free.

Hadrian.

I pulled Garreth closer, wishing like anything to avoid the questions circling around in my head. But, if he was here to stay, then I owed it to him to be completely and utterly honest.

I took his hand in mine, careful of my bandage. “You told Hadrian that I saw something in him, something you don’t think exists. If a part of me still sees it, still believes that it might be there inside him…” I was confusing myself.

Garreth stopped me by putting a finger to my lips.

“Truth is your power, Teagan. If you believe it to be so about Hadrian, then I can’t convince you otherwise. It’s a knowledge I lay no claim to and I cannot judge it. You saw through the illusion he worked so hard to create.

Perhaps there is no more illusion.”

“But what if I’m only seeing what I want to see. What if I’m helping to create that illusion?”

His eyes went soft. “No. I believe you see the truth.

Darkness has a way of being very convincing. On the other hand, maybe I was too quick to help bring him down because of what you mean to me. I couldn’t lose you to him.” He shook his head.

“You said a part of you still sees good in Hadrian. If you sense that, then he still exists. And, if you’re the only one who sees it, then he exists only for you. Like I do.”

I knew then, that I could never tell Garreth about the confusion I felt twisting around inside me. He was giving up so much to stay. Even though I couldn’t be happier that I would no longer be without him, that I could love him here, forever, the thought, the very idea, that Hadrian might still be out there, waiting for me, lingered. That, like Garreth, he existed because of me.

It disturbed me that I was thrilled by his darkness, that somewhere deep inside my soul I yearned for the excitement I found in that. But I loved Garreth. He was mine and I would do anything to suppress my feelings for Hadrian, anything to be true to my angel. But was I worthy of such a gift? Heaven sent Garreth to me for a purpose, but was it really to fulfill destiny or was it a test of some kind?

I remembered Mathur’s words, that a person could have more than one Guardian. Was I such a person?

Did I have a Guardian for each side of me? Light and dark?

I kissed Garreth, showing him what he meant to me and leaving him breathless under the spell I wanted to weave for him. Yet I shuddered when I closed my eyes and saw Hadrian. Perhaps I was trying too hard to convince myself, to reassure myself. But, sure enough, Hadrian had gotten under my skin.

“Wake up, sleepy.”

It is like a breeze gently sweeping over me, his voice. I brush away the feather tickling my nose, then grab it. I have his fingertip.

Gotcha!

“Come on, Teagan, you have to get up.”

“And what am I getting up for?”

I’ve been sleeping a lot these days. In the middle of the night, when I feel the warmth of him lying next to me after he’s sneaked in, I fall asleep too soundly. Too deeply. No longer on pins and needles.

“You know.” He lies back, lengthwise, across my bed, stretching his arms up over his tousled head so that his arms now dangle over my floor in midair.

Garreth has grown entirely too comfortable in his new skin. I’ve had to remind myself often that he’s not what he appears to be. That he’s still an angel.

“Do you feel older?”

I groan and bury my head into his side. I breathe him in.

Spice…mmm…

It lulls me back to sleep.

“You were babbling again,” he teases.

“I’ve told you. I do not babble.” But my argument is muffled. I’m still smothering myself against his skin.

“Okay, I’ll bite.”

I’m sitting up now and suddenly he is serious and for a second I feel a little afraid. It’s been months since the fire at the chapel. Months since I’ve let his name force its way to the front of my brain. I’ve stifled him, tried to break the grand illusion with denial.

And it’s worked.

These weeks have been heaven on earth and I’m convinced that my feelings, or whatever I should call them, for Hadrian were a farce, part of his plan to lure me away from the safety net of my Guardian. I’ve rid myself of the guilt I feel, to a degree, because guilt is a poison.

But I’m quiet. I don’t bring my thoughts to the surface. I squelch them and leave them to drown and disappear.

Garreth is studying my face intently. “Where were you just now?”

I look at him, not sure what to say. “Still babbling, I guess. You just couldn’t hear.”

I smile. I look at the calendar on my desk. It’s a silly little propped-up book with a furless cat on it; a little something from my mom. Like I said. Silly. It’s my birthday. August eighth. Only this year it seems…not odd, not special, just different. It would mean nothing to me if the number eight held no significance. But it can’t be ignored. It stares back at me, repeating itself. Two eights, 8/8. One for Garreth, the other for Hadrian. It could mean the beginning or the end, but I can’t bring myself to think about which one just yet.

“Happy Birthday.” Garreth dangles the blue rosary in front of my eyes and kisses me sweetly, letting it curl into my palm. The chain mimics my mark, all scrolled and curly. A perfect fit.

“It’s not much of a surprise, but it happens to be the only valuable thing I can give you.” His eyes tell me he’s not sure I’ll appreciate its worth, but it means more to me than I can explain.

“I love it. It’s so beautiful.” I look at the delicate chain, the shining stones that are the same color as his eyes.

It’s the perfect gift.

He cups his hand around mine, the one that holds his secret — his angel star — closing the chain between us.

“Like you. Beautiful. Rare. Valuable. Fragile yet very strong.”

“Thank you.”

He stands up in front of me and pulls me to my feet. I’m finally awake.

Garreth has promised me a real date. It’s sort of my birthday present. Dinner, candles…the whole deal.

And it goes off without a hitch. In fact, the evening couldn’t have been more perfect.

“Will you do something for me?” I ask Garreth on our way home. I can’t say why, but I need to see it one more time.

I stand at the foot of the chapel’s steps, peering up at the cracked wall that is now covered in multitudes of green growth. It’s amazing how when you leave something alone, even for a short time, it never fails to change on you. With all the damage the fire did, it amazes me that anything will grow now. But when life demands to break through and bust the seams of chaos, you can’t stop it. It goes on.