Jennifer Murgia: Angel Star

I slammed my locker shut. “Fine. What do you want?”

He let his gaze wander out into the constant momentum of the hall then reeled it back in, studying the shuffling of one of his sneakers against the other. I was growing impatient.

“I’m sorry, Teagan. I’m sorry I was such a jerk. I still can’t remember what got into me.”

I thought back to when I had truly feared him, to when I knew him as scary and intimidating, to when the predictable wall between us had crumbled and a lot of terrible questions were left in its place. But now I was looking into the face of a boy, not the same boy he used to be. He was different now. Like me.

It occurred to me that he might not be at fault. He probably didn’t even know what happened.

“I’m sorry I accused you…” I responded.

“S’okay. Like I said, I was a jerk.”

People were staring now as they walked past us. First, I show up at school in Claire’s car, and now I’m in a quiet conversation with her old boyfriend. I knew what it looked like but I didn’t quite care.

Ryan let out a deep sigh. “Teagan, I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore.” He gave me a weary smile. “I really miss her. I can’t begin to tell you what it feels like, I can only say that it seems like hell.”

I leaned my head against the locker and smiled back.

“Trust me, I understand.”

Ryan was staring off again, dealing with the ghosts in his head. I knew all too well what he was feeling, and not just about Claire. I would soon be hit with this feeling all over again when Garreth leaves me. It had been building itself up in me for days now, preparing me, but it still hurt.

“Look,” Ryan began, breaking the awkward silence, “I don’t expect us to be friends, but do you think it would be so horrible for you to let me talk to you every now and then? It would mean a lot to me. Get me back on track.”

He seemed afraid to meet my gaze head-on, but when he did I saw the glimmer of something. Something I’d seen in myself recently.

I smiled at him, catching him by surprise. “Sure, I don’t think there’s a problem with that.”

He smiled back without another word. As I watched him walk away from me and disappear into the crowd, so forlorn and broken, I swore to myself I would never lose sight of who I was.

Not only that, I would never take anything for granted ever again.

Just then, my hand felt tingly, a feeling I wasn’t expecting, and I looked down the hallway to see Sage, Lauren, and Emily stomping their way smugly through the crowd. In the center of their little bunch was Brynn, still the reigning queen of Carver High School. She passed my locker, glaring at me, but she didn’t utter a word. She just kept on walking.

I watched them long enough to see Emily raise her eyebrows at Sage, apparently wondering why Brynn chose to keep on going, not taking part in her usual “pick on Teagan” ritual. What surprised me the most was that Lauren, lagging behind the others, looked right at me and smiled.

I shut my locker and proceeded to walk the other way.

School was over for the day. I took my time walking across the parking lot to the little white car that had waited for me all day long like an obedient pet. I kept my gaze straight ahead, on the windshield, afraid to look away. I couldn’t figure out where that strange sparkle was coming from. As I got closer, my heart tripped a couple of beats.

Unbelievable.

I had spent the whole day in flux. Waiting. Searching.

He hadn’t shown up for school today, and on several occasions throughout the day I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or scream because of it. I unlocked the car, slid inside, and reached up to the rearview mirror. I couldn’t hold back my smile.

The blue topaz rosary hung from my mirror, and inside one of the chains was a tiny scroll of paper. It would have taken me hours to get it rolled as tightly as it was.

Very carefully, I unrolled the stationery that was as thin as rice paper and Garreth’s absence was instantly forgiven. His amazing scent also unfurled from the delicate paper, filling my car like an embrace, and tears welled up in my eyes. Only a few hours on my own and it hit me how desperately I missed him.

How am I going to cope when he leaves me forever?

I wiped my eyes, worrying I would stain the paper with my tears and his message would be ruined.

I missed you too.

Your surprise awaits you…

I figured it was about time your boyfriend took you on a date. Ready by 6 o’clock.

G.

My hand trembled. Before I realized it, I had read the note at least ten times. I turned the key in the ignition and the little car sprang to life, its engine humming joyously along with my heart. Together we drove home to get ready for my date.

“Stop pacing. You’re wearing a path in the wood and it’s not in the budget to refurbish the floors,” my mom called out from the living room.

“Sorry!” I yelled as I peeked out the window for the thousandth time. “He’s here! See ya!”

“Just hold on a second. If he’s a gentleman, he’ll come to the door.” My mother walked into the hallway, curious to see if Garreth would pass her test of chivalry.

I rolled my eyes, my impatience to be alone with him getting the best of me. And now my mom expected me to play along with her.

“Mom, we’re not going to the prom, you know. It’s just a date. No big deal.”

“If it isn’t a big deal, then how come you’ve been wearing a hole in the floor for the last half hour?” Her smile rubbed it in that she had won this match, and I was left waiting to hear his footsteps on the porch.

My hand flicked out for the doorknob like a streak of lightning as I gritted my teeth and begged with my eyes for my mother to disappear into the other room.

“Fine, fine, I’ll stop hovering. Have a good time.” She planted a kiss on my head and walked back into the living room.

Finally, I swung open the door and there stood an absolutely incredible-looking being in a black leather jacket and dark jeans. My eyes drank him in, traveling from his feet upward. I quickly shouted good-bye to my mom and pulled the door closed behind me.

I stopped short.

I was staring into the beautiful face of my date.

I was staring into the face of Hadrian.

I couldn’t speak.

“You look nice.” Hadrian smiled crookedly, making light of the shock he had just given me.

I didn’t answer, wanting to run back into the house, into the safety net of my living room where my mother was glued to the evening news between commercial flips to the QVC channel. Of course, that posed a problem.

How would I explain to my mother who Hadrian was.

What he was?

The hairs on my arms rose and tingled in the evening breeze. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Hadrian?

“How? Why…?” I tripped over my words.

When nothing else came out, I simply clamped my mouth shut and stared at him. The familiar trickle of fear pooled deep within me, but even more disturbing was the fact that I felt this need to stay. And it was much stronger than the need to hear why he had come back, how he had come back. This was desire.

“I understand. You’re a bit surprised to see me.” He inched his way forward and I felt my own feet move closer in response. I was powerless to stop them.

He looked different tonight. Handsome beyond explanation. Dangerous. But different. And I had no idea why. He held out his hand to me, and as if under a spell, I placed mine in his. The touch of our skin sent my blood screaming through my veins. My house, my street, my neighborhood seemed to melt away and the air felt perilous and enticing.

Hadrian led me off the porch and down the steps to the street below.