Cat Patrick: Revived

I smile and type:

Daisy: I assume you’ll be refuting my claims in your post.

Even when she agrees with me, Megan strives to be contrarian.

Megan: Natch

Pause. Then she asks:

Megan: First day go okay?

Daisy: I think so. Do you ever wonder whether you’re making real friends if you have to lie to them about your life?

Megan: No. You made a FRIEND?

Daisy: Maybe

Megan: Not some geek in a study group, right? A real, living, breathing friend?

Daisy: The geeks were friends

Megan: You know what I mean.

Daisy: I do…. No, she’s cool. Her name is Audrey

Megan: Hey, D?

Daisy: Yeah?

Megan: Don’t question this to death, okay?

Daisy: I’ll try not to.

Megan: Okay good. Gotta go prove you wrong on the blog. Love you madly

Daisy: Love you more. Bye

“You don’t have plans today, do you?” Mason asks when I creep into the kitchen after too little sleep. Last night, I made the mistake of picking up the latest book in a sci-fi series at eight thirty. By ten o’clock, I was way too absorbed to put it down. I finally went to bed at two AM.

“No plans,” I grumble, easing into a chair. Mason flips over a pancake. “You’re cooking,” I observe. Mason’s actually a really good cook, but he rarely does it.

“You need a solid breakfast,” he replies. “We’re doing your annual checkup today.”

“Seriously?” I ask in protest. “No warning? And on Saturday?”

“Sorry, Daisy,” Mason says sympathetically. “I think it’s better if you don’t have warning; you don’t have time to get worried about it this way.”

“But why now?” I ask. “Testing doesn’t usually happen until closer to the anniversary.” The bus that went off the bridge into an icy lake and killed twenty-one people—seven for good—did so in early December. Testing usually happens at one-year intervals, as close to December 5 as possible.

Mason has a funny look on his face. “God asked for them early this year,” he says.

“That’s odd,” I say. “I don’t remember this ever happening before…. Has it?”

“No,” Mason says.

“Bizarre.”

“I think so, too, but I’m sure he has his reasons.” Mason drops three pancakes onto my plate.

“Can we do it next weekend?” I whine before taking a bite. “I’m tired,” I say, mouth full. After swallowing, I continue. “I mean, it doesn’t make sense to do the test so early.”

Mason looks at me, frying pan and spatula in his hands. “Whatever our opinions are, it’s not optional,” he says, surprising me with his abrasive tone. Mason’s usually more chill. He turns toward the sink and, as he’s walking away, he adds loudly, “We’re doing the test today. End of discussion.”

I read once about the extensive testing that astronauts go through before they get their ticket to space. In my humble opinion, the annual Revive exam is even more rigorous.

First, there’s a physical, but it’s not exactly “routine.” Sure, they check my eyes, ears, reflexes, and heart, but then there’s a complete neurological assessment and balance and coordination exam. They take tissue and hair samples to review in the lab; even when my throat is fine, they do a culture. There’s a full-body skin scan, where all moles and other markings are carefully recorded. There’s a review of my Health and Diet Diary, a body-fat assessment, and a challenging fitness test.

Not exactly what you’d get at your standard doctor’s office.

Then comes the memory test. It’s fun because it usually ends in a contest between Mason and me, and I always win. Last year, we argued for an hour about whether my school in Palmdale, Florida, was on Connecticut Avenue or Connecticut Street.

“Avenue,” I said.

“You’re wrong,” he replied.

“I’m not.”

“You were only five. You can’t possibly remember.”

“I can and I do. The bus picked up on the corner of Connecticut Avenue and First Street.”

“How do you retain these things?”

“I just do.”

I didn’t want to tell him that I remembered because of him, that I used to stare up at that street sign wishing I was in the real Connecticut instead of on Connecticut Avenue— that’s how badly I didn’t want to ride the bus to school. Not until I broke down crying one morning did Mason realize that I had been totally traumatized by the whole bus incident.

He drove me to school after that.

The memory test is followed by the psych evaluation, which is slightly awkward because it’s administered by my father figure, but so far it’s been okay. Then there’s an IQ test, followed by age-appropriate math, science, reading comprehension, and language exams.

While the testing is grueling, even brutal, I appreciate it for all that it gives the program, data-wise, about the bus kids. But there’s one part I hate: the blood draw. Tissue samples are one thing—a quick pinch from numbed skin—but having fifteen vials of blood drawn at once is like having the life slowly sucked out of you. It starts with a poke and ends with wooziness.

It’s the worst.

But even though I see the benefits of the Revive testing—including that dreaded blood draw—the process does drain me to the point of exhaustion. Since I live with two agents and am essentially their human lab rat, my test takes only one day, as opposed to four or sometimes five for the average Convert. There’s no resting between sessions; for example, there’s no recharging the brain between the psych eval and the IQ test.

After it’s all over, overtired and blurry, I sign my name—my original name, Daisy McDaniel—at the bottom of an oath that binds me to a life of continued silence and make-believe. Then, instead of priming or primping for a party like everyone else my age at seven thirty on a Saturday night, I change into pj’s and struggle to stay awake while I brush my teeth.

Because summer solstice is nothing compared to this; the longest day of my year is test day.

Sunday, I wake up at noon, out of it and thirsty. I stretch, then drag myself out of bed. I’m not sure why, but I check my phone before doing anything else. There’s a text waiting from Audrey:

Audrey: Want to come over and hang out?

I put on a bra and use the bathroom, then go downstairs to find Mason. He’s not in the kitchen, so I check the basement.

Halfway down the stairs, I stop.

“…just out of the blue,” Mason is saying.

“But why would he contact Sydney?” Cassie asks. “She’s not even active anymore.”

I hold my breath at the mention of Sydney’s name.

Cassie wasn’t always Mason’s partner. Sydney was with us for five years, until I was almost ten. I loved her like the mother I never had, but she fell in love with another Disciple and got pregnant. She left the program and her fake family for a real one, and I haven’t spoken to her since.

According to the rules, when you’re out, you’re out.

Even knowing that, I skulked around the house for months after Sydney left, pretending to be okay with everything but crying into my pillow at night and begging Mason in private to bring her back. Even fully briefed on the rules, I felt discarded like an old pair of shoes.

Feeling icky for eavesdropping, I start down the stairs again, but this time I stomp loudly so they have a little warning. Mason shares most things with me about the program, but even so, the look on his face when I enter the lab tells me not to ask questions. At least not right now.

“Can I go to Audrey’s house?” I ask instead.