L. Castillo: After the Fall

Jeremy leaned against the railing of the bridge, sapphire eyes gazing in the direction of the mountain. In the distance, he could see the twinkling of lights on the highest peak.

He closed his eyes for a moment, waiting for the ache to pass. Being away for the past few weeks, he hadn’t even realized it was still there, lingering deep in his heart. He had Gabrielle to thank for that. How did she know what he was feeling when he couldn’t understand it himself?

He’d thought spending time away from Lash and Naomi would help him get some perspective on what he was feeling. But when he returned and stood alone in Lash’s empty room, he questioned who his heart was aching for—Lash or Naomi.

His hands scrubbed over his face with frustration. He had let himself go since he left, almost as if punishing himself. He didn’t bother with shaving. He didn’t even bother dressing in his favorite custom suits anymore. Instead, he wore whatever he could throw on, like black slacks and T-shirts. Even his once perfectly coiffed hair was different, with scraggly bangs falling over his eyes and the rest long enough to brush against his collarbone. The only luxury he allowed himself was a black leather jacket that matched his new crocodile boots.

He looked up into the darkening sky, trying to pinpoint the exact moment when everything changed. When had he turned from a loyal best friend to someone who was not to be trusted? Could he blame Lash for not having faith in him when even he didn’t know if he could trust himself when it came to Naomi?

Jeremy pushed himself off the rail and paced the length of the bridge, his shiny black boots clicking on the wood. I was doing my job. That’s all.

Watching over Lash and making sure he took Naomi to Shiprock—that was what he’d been told to do, and he had done it. He’d followed his orders to a “T.” So what if he may have checked in on them a little more than what was required of him? There was no harm in that. And he may have felt a little bit of jealousy—no, concern. Yes, that was it; he was concerned when he saw the obvious attraction between the two of them. He had to warn Lash to leave her alone. He’d thought it would ruin Lash’s chance to return home.

Jeremy froze as he recalled the words he had said to Lash.

She’s not for you.

Why had he said that to him?

You know why, a small voice whispered in his head.

He slammed his hand against the rail. He knew perfectly well why. He wished he could forget all of it and just have a fresh start with Lash and Naomi. But he couldn’t.

Fighting against his memories of her, he gripped the railing so hard his knuckles went white. It had been easier before, when his sole focus was accomplishing a mission. Now, he struggled to push from his mind how he felt when he first saw her: long, dark hair falling forward draping her beautiful face as she hovered over a dying Deborah. It had been as if lightning hit his chest and restarted a heart that he hadn’t known had stopped. It had only been when Lash appeared obviously threatened by the way he looked at her that he’d been able to pull himself away and focus on the task at hand. Ever since then, he’d been shaking away growing feelings, feelings he’d had no idea where they came from until Raphael had told him—he was his son, and long ago he had been betrothed to Naomi.

“Are you ready?”

Jeremy whipped around at the sound of the voice. “Gabrielle. I thought I was alone.”

She stepped from out of the shadows. A breeze blew soft blonde waves around a stern face. “You’ve been in isolation for weeks. Have you prepared yourself for your new task?”

Jeremy was surprised by her tone. Was he dreaming that only a few weeks ago, it had been Gabrielle who suggested he leave to get some space from all that had happened between him and Lash? She had seemed so kind and patient.

He looked back up at the mountain and wondered if Lash was still angry with him, and as much as he tried not to, he thought of Naomi. “Couldn’t this be given to Lash? He’s better suited.”

“Michael was adamant that this assignment be overseen by you. Besides, you have your own assignment to attend to on Earth.” Her voice was firm as she eyed him carefully. She must have seen something on his face because her face softened. It was the same look she’d given him after his fight with Lash. “Did the time away not help you to prepare?”

“Gabrielle, can’t you make an exception? I’ve always done my duty, and I’ve never questioned you or Michael for any of the assignments you two have given me...even when you asked me to strike down my best friend.”

“It is because of your loyal service all these years that you have risen through the ranks to become an archangel,” she pointed out. “You know that with this role comes greater responsibility. If Lash had been as obedient as you...well, never mind that. He’s hopeless.”

“Why do you hate him?”

Gabrielle arched an eyebrow. “I am merely stating what is true. Have his past behaviors not proven that?”

Jeremy shook his head. He couldn’t understand the animosity she had towards Lash. He’d thought once Lash had finally proven himself that she’d be more lenient with him. He’d returned only to find that she was exactly the same as when he left.

“If you’re worried about Lash, I assure you, there won’t be any interference from him. I’ll see to that.”

“Worried? You could say that. When he finds out that I’m the one to be paired with the love his life on her first assignment, Hell—”

She glared at his choice of words.

“Uh, what I mean is”—he cleared his throat—“you know, he’s not the most reasonable of angels. And we did leave things hanging there after our fight.”

“I had suggested you take the time off in order to give you, and hopefully Lash, space to reflect on all that has transpired.” Gabrielle glanced up at the mountain and then back to Jeremy. “And maybe resolve any feelings that may be...lingering.”

Jeremy swallowed nervously at her innuendo. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Her voice was low and soft as she spoke. “You do realize you have a reputation for being a great poker player. Your skills would be useful in this situation, don’t you think?”

He furrowed his brow. “I don’t understand.”

Gabrielle sighed. “Although I abhor the game, I am quite skilled at maintaining what you call a poker face. I would say I’ve been quite successful at it.”

Her face changed as if a mask was taken off, and the tough demeanor she was notorious for was replaced by a soft and vulnerable woman. “You have feelings for the girl. It was clear when you were by her bedside, waiting for her to awake. In fact, it was written all over your face the first time you saw her when you were on assignment with Deborah and Nathan.”

“You saw that?”

“Yes.” Her voice was soft.

“Why? Why were you watching over me?”

“Because I knew how you felt about her long ago when she was to become your wife. And I know feelings like that don’t disappear—even when memories are suppressed.”

He took a step forward and gripped her arm. “What do you know? Tell me.” He needed to know more. Maybe if he knew what happened in his past, he could get rid of his growing feelings.

She winced and looked down at his hand.

“Sorry.” He dropped his hand. He was going too far. He needed to get himself under control.

“It’s not my story to tell.” She rubbed the spot on her arm where he had grabbed her. “That is something Raphael wants to share with you, Lash, and Naomi. He is with Michael as we speak, seeking permission to disclose some of your past.”