Gabrielle Zevin - In the Age of Love and Chocolate

“I love my son,” Mr. Delacroix said. “I suspected he hadn’t quite gotten over you, and so I tried to contrive a meeting. I thought your heart might be open to a reunion and that such a reunion might lead to a spot of joy for you. You have had a hard time these years, and it pleased me to imagine that you might be happy for a time. And, as I am not a perfect man, I did not mind the thought of perhaps a little redemption for me.”

I moved my castle. “I don’t know how you ever thought that would work. No one likes being set up by his father. Even if I was gullible enough to believe your lies, Win knew what you were up to from the beginning.”

He positioned his king away from my queen.

I was about to move my queen closer but then I stopped. “Honestly, a few days in August ? You might have run the plan by me. If this were business, I’d fire you. I don’t like being set up.”

“Point taken. I am good at plotting, but it is easier to deal with pawns and politicians than human hearts, I am afraid. I see right through you. You are stalling for time. Move, Anya.”

I left my queen where she was and used my pawn to block his other bishop.

“It was a nice plan,” I said, “but I think I am too different from when I was in high school.”

“I don’t know about that,” he said.

I decided to change the subject. “When I get back to the city, I’ve been thinking about looking into producing a line of Dark Room cacao ‘candy’ bars. A bar that people could take home instead of eating at the club. Cacao for shut-ins like myself. There’s still money to be made in chocolate bars, I’d say.”

“It’s an interesting notion.” He advanced his queen and then he looked at me. “Anya, I have something I need to say to you. I imagine you already know what it is. The mayoral campaign means that I will have to step down from the Dark Room. I can help you hire a different lawyer—”

“No, it’s fine,” I said coldly. “I will look for one as soon as I am back in the city.”

“I can make recommendations—”

“I am capable of finding a lawyer, Mr. Delacroix. I found you, didn’t I? I have known lawyers my whole life. The kind of life I’ve led has made me an expert in such arrangements.”

“Anya, are you angry at me? You must have known this day would come.”

The truth was, I had grown very attached to him. I would miss him, but it was too hard to say. I had worked steadfastly to never need anyone my whole life.

“We will see each other,” he said. “I’d even hoped you would be involved in the campaign.”

“Why would you want someone like me involved?” I asked. Yes, I was pouting.

“Listen, stop being foolish, Anya. If there’s anything you ever need, I will provide it, assuming it’s within my ability to do so. Do you know what I’m saying?”

“Good luck, colleague,” I said. I got up and left. I was not very fast though, and he might have caught up with me if he’d wanted to.

I was almost to my room, which I would soon surrender to summer, to the past. As I set my hand on the knob, I wondered what was wrong with me that I could not say to him, Thank you and good luck with the campaign.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t go this way,” Mr. Delacroix said. “I know exactly what you are thinking. I know you so well. I know exactly what thoughts turn behind that opaque visage of yours. You have been abandoned so many times. You think if our business relationship ends, that we will not be in each other’s lives anymore. But we will. You are my friend. You are as dear to me as my own flesh and blood, and as improbable as this is, I love you like my daughter. So good luck, colleague , if that’s what it must be,” he said. He hugged me hard. “And please be well.”

The next day, Natty and I went to the train station.

“I’m still so embarrassed,” she said. I had conveyed Win’s message, leaving out the parts where he said he still loved me.

“Don’t be,” I said. “I’m sure he understands.”

“Do you love him?” she asked me after a while. “I know you said you didn’t, but do you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I couldn’t sleep last night. The more I thought about it, the more I started to realize that what I had thought was his love for me was, in fact, love for you. And my face grew hot and I started to sweat and I was so mortified I wanted to physically leave my body. I started to think of the day I told him how worried I was about you not eating—you are still scrawny—but that it was hard to deal with you because you are stoic, and you won’t ask for help or even admit when you are in pain and you are used to being strong and caring for everyone else. And he said he would try to get you to eat something, if I wanted. I told him I’d be grateful to him for trying, but that I doubted he would have much luck. I went back to the room, and I could see the two of you on the deck. I watched him take that crown of leaves off the berry, and I watched him get down on his knees, and I watched him hold out his hand to you, and I watched you. I watched you take that berry from him. And he looked incredibly sweet in that moment. How could I not love him? He was so good to my poor sister, who he had not even been with for three years. And I thought he was doing that for me, but now I know better: it was for you.” She shook her head. “I’m a smart person, but what a fool I’ve been,” she said.

“Natty,” I said.

“You say you don’t love him anymore, but maybe you are lying to yourself. That boy, our Win, took off the leaves for you. If that’s not an act of love, I honestly don’t know what is.

“I had a glimpse into my future this morning, Annie. Would you like to know what I saw?”

“I’m not sure.” Natty’s visions had often involved my untimely death.

“Maybe it’s Thanksgiving,” she said. “Win is there and you are there and the three of us are having a good laugh over the fact that one summer Natty the genius let herself fall in love with Win even though it was obvious to everyone how much he still loved Anya. It. Was. So. Obvious . And I don’t even feel embarrassed anymore, because it’s the future and I am fantastic.”

“I love you better than anyone in the world,” I told her.

“Don’t you think I know that?” she asked.

They announced the train for Boston. “Have a good semester,” I said.

“Call me every day, Argon,” Natty said.

IT TAKES NOTHING,save a spot of courage, to kiss a pretty teenager at a high school dance. It takes nothing to say you love a person when she is perfect and her mistakes can be dealt with in a ten-minute confession.

Love was a boy getting down on one knee, not to ask her to marry him, but to beg a damaged girl to eat a berry: Please, Annie, have this one.

Love was the way he had removed the leaves from that berry, the way he had held his palm to me and bowed his head. Love was the humility of those gestures.

Love came three years after he had walked away, and it felt as palpable to me as that strawberry in his hand.

My sister was the romantic; I did not believe in that kind of love.

Sometimes, this good old world does not much care what you believe.

(NB: I knew this, but I was not yet ready to take that walk with him.)

THE BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBERwas always a wretched time in New York—summer is over, but the weather hasn’t caught on. Still, I was glad to be restored to my life and to be in the city, even if I navigated it at a more deliberate pace than I once had.