Sondrae Bennett - Chasing Paradise

Yet, that was exactly how Ethan made her feel. There was more there than mere heat. He acted like someone who loved her. Ever since that night when she realized she loved him, their lovemaking had changed into something different. Sure, he still pushed her up against the bathroom wall every now and again. But more often than not, he didn’t just screw her, he made love to her. Treated her with tender consideration. And every night, he asked her about the inn and seemed genuinely interested in her life.

Maybe she hadn’t really given Ethan a fair chance. A shifter couldn’t prepare before meeting their mate. There were no signs to signal their impending arrival.

It’s not like she’d been expecting her mate to walk through the doors at the resort. And yes, she had been thrilled when Ethan appeared. Of course she’s been happy. She had wanted to find her mate. Ethan hadn’t. It made sense that he would be a bit freaked out by the whole situation. She hadn’t really looked at this from his point of view.

Everything happened so fast. If Samantha was to be believed, and Gwen saw no reason for her to lie, Ethan had taken the vacation to escape being trapped into mating. Instead he’d smacked right into his true mate. His behavior made absolute sense. And considering his behavior since then…

“What has you so deep in thought?” Alyssa walked through the front door, Samantha in tow.

Gwen felt her face heat in a blush. “Uh…Ethan.” Both women laughed.

“Are you blushing? Never mind, I’m living through the first blush of mating myself so I know exactly what that thought was.” Samantha smiled at Gwen, her eyes shining mischievously.

Gwen still had a hard time believing how welcoming and helpful Ethan’s family had been. All of them had stopped by the B&B and offered to help. One Saturday when Alyssa and Gwen had planned to spend the day painting, the whole group had shown up, Ethan and his brothers loaded down with enough pizzas to feed a small village. The amount of food had seemed outrageous, but the need for it had become clear as other members of the pack had started to arrive. Almost everyone in the pack, human and wolf, had stopped by and volunteered.

Gwen shook off the memory, and focused back on the two women in front of her. Samantha wore a blush, probably remembering some of the more wicked encounters she and Jason had shared as new mates.

“Well, I don’t have a mate. I’m living vicariously through you, so spill.” Alyssa said, an impish smile curving her lips.

Looking at Alyssa, more like a sister to her than a best friend, the desire to tell her everything, to lay her burden down for a minute and let someone else carry the weight, rose up to choke her.

She couldn’t figure this out on her own. There were too many angles to consider. She needed advice. And who better to give it to her than her best friend and Samantha, an arctic fox mated to a Premier wolf?

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” she burst out. Both Samantha’s and Alyssa’s smiles faded into concern. Samantha hurried over, pulling her to the couch in the adjoining room.

“About what, honey?”

“About me. Ethan. Everything’s just so confusing and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or feel.” Gwen paused to gather her thoughts. “Before, when I thought he didn’t love me, at least things were clear, focused. I had a plan. Hold myself back, live my life separate from him and make my own happiness. But now, I’m having a hard time holding myself back–and the things he does and says. It’s downright painful. The way he looks at me. It makes me think things, long for things I’m scared I won’t ever have.”

Samantha grabbed Gwen’s hand and forced her eyes to meet hers. “Gwen, I know we don’t know each other well, but I already feel like we’re sisters.”

“I do too.” It was true, Gwen realized with a start. Within weeks Samantha had become one of her favorite people. A person she’d come to count on.

“When I first came to town and met Jason, I didn’t think he could possibly want me. Sometimes I still don’t know what he sees in me. Besides being a wolf, he has everything, the pack, his family, his career, and then I look at myself and I don’t have anything to offer him. But every time I have those dark thoughts, all I have to do is look at Jason, at the way he gazes at me, and I know what I bring him. I love him. I love him more than anyone else ever will. I loved him before I thought he loved me.”

“Didn’t it hurt? Loving him, but not knowing if he felt the same way?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes it hurt a lot. At least it did until I came to a realization. It didn’t matter if he loved me or not. My heart was already sunk, and no matter how he felt about me, I would still love him. So I guess the question is, do you love Ethan?”

“Yes,” Gwen whispered. “It terrifies me.”

“Do you think Ethan loves you?”

That was harder to answer. So many things to consider. She thought about the overheard conversation. Then she thought about everything that had since transpired.

“I don’t know.” The whine reeked of desperation. “After the things he said, I was so certain he couldn’t. But now, every time he looks at me and the little things he does for me…it makes me wonder. I don’t like questioning myself.”

Samantha didn’t answer immediately, but when she did, her voice was quiet. “Now for the really important question. It shouldn’t be too hard to answer. You either know the answer or you don’t. Does it matter if he doesn’t? Does it change the way you feel about him?”

Gwen thought about everything he did for her. She thought about the way his arms surrounded her from behind as she washed dishes, and the way he held her as they watched television on their couch. She thought of the way his hand stroked her leg under the table as they ate dinner, as if he wasn’t even fully aware he was doing it. How his hand always reached for hers when they walked down the street.

Whether he loved her or not, it didn’t change the person he was. And it didn’t change how he made her feel. It didn’t negate the thoughtful things he did for her with the sole intention of making her smile. Looking up, she saw the truth reflected in her friends’ eyes.

“Why don’t you go surprise your man and take him out to lunch?” Alyssa suggested.

“You guys don’t mind?” The three of them had made plans.

“Not at all.”

Gwen kissed Alyssa on the cheek and did the same for Samantha without thinking about it. It was a standard form of showing gratitude in the romp, but Gwen froze as she realized she’d done it to Samantha, unsure how she would take the affection. Before she had time to worry, Samantha leaned up and kissed her cheek in return.

The open affection brought a smile to Gwen’s face as she ran out the door. She never thought she’d fit into this pack as well as she had her romp. Plenty of packs had stayed at the resort throughout the years. She’d seen the way shifters of all kinds treated outsiders. Their pack rules varied, some going so far as to not socialize with other species entirely. She’d seen enough to know that without Jason’s unique leadership, she and Alyssa would have never been accepted as easily.

Unlike the other Premiers she’d seen, Jason didn’t use intimidation and fear to keep his rule. Instead he thought out every decision he made, looking at it from all sides. And lucky for her, he accepted non-wolf pack mates, treating them as one and the same. Besides his fox mate and Gwen and Alyssa, most of the town, including the humans, were considered pack. No one was excluded because of who or what animal they had been born. It was the perfect environment to raise little wolf-otters.